"Brainy, you've been in there for three days. Is everything all right?"
Long pause. "No."
"Can we talk for a minute about it?"
The door slid open silently and Saturn Girl found Brainiac 5 holding an old brown pipe to his face, looking away.
She pulled up a nearby chair and sat.
"I can't read your mind," she said.
"I know."
"You've got to talk about it."
"No, I don't!" said Brainiac 5 with unusual vehemence. "I don't have to do anything!"
"I didn't know you smoked."
"I do smoke! I mean...he smoked. He smoked."
Saturn Girl waited, hoping for more.
Brainiac 5 looked at her with an expression bordering rage, something he had never done.
"How would you feel if the only one who ever loved you...died?" he said.
"What's happened? Tell me."
"I never told you about him. But I suppose I should. You will understand, then." Brainiac 5 looked away.
"It began before I even met you," he said.
************************************************************************************************
************************************************************************************************
A stark, metallic machine-voice droned out over Horatio's comm system.
"You...have...entered...Colu...airspace....Identify...yourself,...unknown...vessel."
"My name is Horatio Comistas. I am a former ambassador of the United Planets. I greet you in the name of the United Planets, and hope we can begin a dialogue."
"You...are...a...biological...being,...anthropoid,...biped.....We...are...aware...of...the...United...Planets,...a...
federation...of...biological...beings...in...various...sectors...of...this...galaxy....Biological...beings...are...
inferior.....The...United...Planets...is...irrelevant...to...the...ruling...Secretariat...of...the...planet...Colu."
"Are there...'biological beings' on your planet I could speak to?" Horatio said ironically.
"No.....Coluan...biological...beings...are...used...to...service...the...ruling...Secretariat.....You...also...will...be... used...to...service...us."
Horatio's ship was hit with a tractor beam.
"Ah, sh*t," said Horatio. "Here we go again."
************************************************************************************************
The microwave transmission to the transceiver in Brainiac 5's head alerted him. It was the ugly metallic voice of the Secretariat.
"A...biological...being...from...the...federation...known...as...United...Planets...has...been...brought...to... Hangar...16...Arcana.....He...is...a...'former...ambassador'...and...thus...knowledgeable...of...the...strengths... and...weaknesses...of...biological...beings...of...this...federation.....You...will...assist...us...in...the...
preparation...of... this...biological...being.....His...knowledge...is...required."
"It is done," said Brainiac 5 in the standard Coluan reply. He dragged his feet towards Hangar 16 Arcana, a new habit he was proud of acquiring and was repeatedly berated for. And muttered. (Another bad habit.) "You will assist us, Brainiac 5, in the total annihilation of the galaxy. Ohh, my lovely fascist Secretariat, shall I kiss your asses and call you 'sweety'? Oh, Master William, you're so good with that whip! Pray, slash my buttocks with more fury!" (Repeating incomprehensible non sequiturs from banned 25th century Coluan holographic biological pornography.)
************************************************************************************************
Brainiac 5 was mildly impressed by the quality of the prisoner's starship engines.
"Hm," he said, indicating bored acknowledgement, but in the space of that assertion, he had calculated the probability of escape in it, with the prisoner.
Tonight.
************************************************************************************************
Horatio was strapped down to a table. Less sophisticated drones floated and fussed nearby, but Brainiac 5 shooed them away.
DX-12-H105, a stupid medic droid, huffed.
"Brainiac 5, I am the senior droid and I will perform this procedure with sufficient ease."
"F*ck off," said Brainiac 5, engaging another wonderful bad habit: foul emotional language, another mainstay of the banned biological pornography. The machines had no such thing.
"Repeat your assertion."
"You heard me. I said, 'F*ck off.' 'Hit the road.' 'Up yours.' 'Grind some gears through your sphincter.'"
"This language...is incomprehensible."
"Yes, I know. You may go. Now."
"Brainiac 5!"
Brainiac 5 engaged his forcefield to emanate an excellent jolt of simple electricity, much like the old 21st century bovine prods.
"Aieeee!" said DX-12-H105. And he fled, whining. "I am going to report this to Administrator QV-7-X-Pi! I have never been so insulted in all my...Procedures must be followed in this institution!....My stature in this institution is absolutely unquestioned...!" (All the way down the hall....)
"Yeah, you do that, Shorty! And you know what? 'Your biological wetnurse wears...!'...Now how did that one go again...?"
Horatio, drugged by the drones, searched groggily for the male voice which sounded surprisingly...human. His sight was hazy at first, but slowly began to focus on what he thought was a tall green-skinned blond seventeen-year-old in a skin-tight mauve wetsuit with utility belt.
"Hhhhhhhheelllllllo," said Horatio, his voice sounding like he had been drunk for the last twelve years and reduced speed to 16 r.p.m.'s from the usual 33 1/3.
"You will hold still. We are about to make you an honest Coluan slave," said Brainiac 5, bored.
************************************************************************************************
Escape was actually easy. After the Complex was shut down for night shift in which minimal droids and androids roamed around, Brainiac 5 wheeled Horatio under heavy white sheets on a guerney towards the laundry. Then, he morphed into a slightly larger build of android with broad shoulders, and carried Horatio to the Hangar. Security was minimal in the Hangar early in the morning and no android had the balls to do anything illegal.
************************************************************************************************
Wheeling the starship onto the tarmac was child's play. In fact, once in hyperspace, Brainiac 5 was about to play video solitaire when the irate voice of the Secretariat boomed over the comm system.
"Unknown...transgressor....Continuing...this...course...of...action...is...highly...irregular!...We...!"
Brainiac 5 flicked off the comm.
"...are irrelevant," muttered Brainiac 5, his only concern his drugged prisoner Horatio Comistas. Did he use too much sedative on a man his age? Safety levels were unknown for his age range. What if, what if, what if? He struggled to concentrate on piloting. At least the Secretariat could not follow him in hyperspace.
************************************************************************************************
Brainiac 5 was playing his video solitaire on the ship computer when Horatio shuffled in, semi-clothed. He sat on a thickly padded nearby bench and watched the bored android play solitaire.
"I suppose I should thank you for getting me away from your homeworld," said Horatio.
"I suppose you should."
"My name is Horatio Comistas. Can I have the pleasure of knowing yours?"
"I don't know. Would it be a pleasure to know my name?"
"My. You're a surly one."
"My name is Brainiac 5. And don't call me surly."
"And a life member of the Laugh-a-Minute Club. Shall I wax your carbeurator or should I call in a Stationary Engineer?"
Brainiac 5 looked away from his game. Other biological beings did not act this way. Such response went back to the old vids, something he had only recently picked up. Were the old Coluan biologicals like this, or was it only their fiction?
Brainiac 5 studied the man. A dapper though aging speciman. Past his prime. Sagging flesh. They fall apart so quickly.
"How...are you feeling?" said Brainiac 5 tentatively.
"Other than my head feeling it's been used for an Olympic event involving a lot of kicking, fine. May I ask why you saved me from...whatever your biological slaves do?"
Brainiac 5 paused again, looking away, looking rather pensive and tragic.
"How can I tell you?" the android said quietly. "I'm...tired."
Horatio furrowed his eyebrows and stared harder at the blonde-haired android, long morphed back to his slim seventeen-year-old form.
"I see," said Horatio. "Who governs your world?"
"The Secretariat."
"I gathered that much. But who are they?"
"A committee of fools."
"Most committees are. But as Winston Churchill once said, 'Democracy is the worst form of government in the world, until you consider all the rest of them.' So, the Politburo sh*ts from On High on the great unwashed masses. Some machines are obviously 'more equal than others.' But you seem like a bright, ambitious cog in the machine--no pun intended. Why not change the system from within?"
Brainiac 5 only looked back at the big screen and continued his game.
Horatio only patted his thick towel dressing gown, found what he needed, and slowly prepared his pipe.
Turning back to the odd human, Brainiac 5 watched intently, never taking his eyes off not what Horatio was doing--which was common enough--but how.
Brainiac 5 studied the long and graceful fingers pull tobacco from a well-used pouch and tamp it into a dark brown pipe. The graceful strike of a match. Matches? Brainiac 5 puzzled where Horatio would even find such ancient technology. Finally, he studied the steady pull of smoke, the smoke blown out through the nose. And above all, the absolute repose.
"Smoking is bad for biological beings," said Brainiac 5.
"Indeed it is," said Horatio, agreeing quietly, nodding, and grinning.
"Then why do you do it?" Brainiac 5 then smelled the gentle pungence, sweet, not offensive at all.
"Because I like it. It's an old habit. A habit of old men."
"You would have lived longer if you had never smoked."
Horatio continued to nod and grin. "Quite possibly."
"You are illogical. You are an illogical man."
"I can see this is your equivalent of telling me to f*ck off. That's all right. I deserve it. But it won't change anything. In fact, it's too bad you can't smoke. It would do you a world of good."
Brainiac 5 was silent. Totally confused by this man.
Horatio continued. "You must find us stupid...slow...incompetent."
"What if I do?"
"Mm...you would be absolutely right, but we have qualities you do not."
Brainiac 5 was silent.
Horatio continued. "You are alive. How and why are ultimately irrelevant. We find ourselves here. We make the best of what we have, set goals, sometimes fulfill our needs. Sometimes we don't. What about you? What are your needs?"
Brainiac 5 sat, his android mind calculating, seeking the right answer.
"Not as smart as you thought, eh, Your Highness? The real questions are sometimes impossible to answer. You don't have to answer me. I am neither your judge nor Inquisitor. I was just curious."
Brainiac frowned and his lower lip jutted in a little pout. "I want to love."
Horatio only took a pull of smoke from the pipe. "Well now...there's a goal."
"What is love?" said Brainiac 5.
Horatio only chuckled softly.
"You must think I'm some deity or oracle with all the answers."
"I never said you were, and you're not answering my question. I want to know your answer. I was just...curious."
"Ah," said Horatio. And he paused to think, pulled slowly on his pipe. "Love is...valuing someone...more than your own life. You want to be with that person always. Well. No, it's much more than that. You want to be that person. Forever."
"That's impossible."
"That just means you haven't experienced it yet. When you do, you will understand. Instantly. You see, emotions are funny things. You're pretty smart, and you probably think pretty fast on your feet. But emotions are faster."
"Faster?"
"Yes. Funny, isn't it?"
"Incomprehensible."
"Yes. Funny, isn't it?" Horatio continued, his eyebrow arched as he grinned. "When you understand Irony and Paradox, you will begin--only begin, mind you--to understand the meaning of Love."
Brainiac 5 approached, tentatively, almost afraid, and sat down beside Horatio and held him.
"I want to be just like you," said Brainiac 5.
Horatio held him gently as well but frowned. "No, my friend. No, you don't."
"Why not?" said Brainiac 5 into Horatio's thick towel dressing gown.
"I wouldn't wish my years of loneliness and pain on my worst enemy. Or even a machine, especially one as beautiful as you."
Brainiac 5 raised his head and looked into Horatio's faraway-looking face.
"You think...I am beautiful?" said Brainiac 5.
Horatio guided Brainiac 5's floppy blonde hair over his ears and held him close.
Androids are not accustomed to emotional states. Only Coluan cyborgs who have biological components have occasional emotional states--usually bad. Brainiac 5, holding Horatio at this very moment, came the closest he had ever felt to what the biological actors were performing in those ancient situation comedies when they held each other: happiness.
The android removed himself and returned to his seat. "I am sorry for my physical proximity. I am aware not everyone appreciates that."
"You didn't hear me complaining, did you? Besides, we all need a hug now and again."
"Perhaps biological beings do. I am an android. We require no such thing."
"I think you're lying. And I think you liked it."
"Androids are incapable of lying."
"No, but they are capable of subduing biological lifeforms to slavery. Oh, you're not the first species to do this. This is simply a variation on a theme in much of the universe."
Brainiac 5 pouted, not used to being put on the spot.
"That reminds me," continued Horatio. "Where are you kidnapping me?"
"I am not kidnapping you. Your ship's computer states you left from your home world. I will return you there."
"And what about you?"
Brainiac 5 paused. "Are there...androids on your planet?"
Horatio only smiled. "Yes. Nothing as enviable as you, Your Highness. But some of them make a good sundae. Have you ever had a sundae?"
"We do not require food."
"I'll take that as a no. Can you consume one?"
"It is possible."
"All right, then. Ship. One mango ice sundae."
Horatio walked over to what appeared to be a cabinet, opened up a door and removed a creamy beverage in a tall glass. He set it down beside Brainiac 5.
"You don't have to try it now, but when you're ready."
Brainiac 5 picked it up and removed the spoon firmly implanted in the beverage. He put it into the sundae and began to eat it.
"Any...thoughts on this?" said Horatio. "It's considered quite a delicacy among some of us weak biological beings."
The sensory inputs were original in Brainiac 5.
"This is the first time I have consumed such a..."
"...sundae," said Horatio.
"Sun. Dae," said Brainiac 5. In seconds, he was plowing it into himself voraciously.
Horatio chuckled. "Calm down, Your Highness. You'll make yourself sick. Or maybe not. Maybe you'll want a second one."
Smacking his lips, Brainiac 5 said, "I am not Your Highness. And this sensory input is extraordinary."
"You're welcome."
Horatio grinned, knowing he had given a child his first sundae.
"Tell me a bit about you," said Horatio. "Is your name just some randomly drawn computer file or does it mean something?"
Already finished, Brainiac 5 set the glass aside and looked at Horatio. The android's face pulled again into its customary sadness.
"My mother, Brainiac 4, was...a cyborg."
Since the android said this with such pathos, Horatio only inhaled on his pipe and stared at him.
Brainiac 5 continued. "Partly biological as an transplantation project from Brainiac 3's biological daughter who had a terminal nervous disorder, she eventually desired more and more emotional inputs and became increasingly depraved until she had to be...incapacitated."
Frowning, Horatio only shook his head. "I'm so sorry. That's terrible. Can she be...rehabilitated?"
"The work continues. But we believe she will be permanently...insane. I was created seventy solar years ago as...a project of hers."
Horatio had to take stock. Brainiac 5 was older than he was. "And what is your opinion about...emotional inputs?"
"They are dangerous. But I understand now how she could be seduced by them."
"There is a difference between the desire to feel, and obsession."
"I know. I know it better than anyone."
"A project...I take it there was no father then?"
"No. Brainiac 4 modeled me after certain biological children she found appropriate. I remain part of the Dox family. I served the Secretariat for seventy years."
"What made you decide to help me? After all, good help is hard to find," Horatio said with arched eyebrow.
Brainiac 5 grinned wryly at the double entendre.
"Observation. As part of the famous Dox family, I was given not a high but relatively independent status. I could do what I want, appropriate with the wishes of the Secretariat. Over the last few years, I began to observe biological beings closely in common settings like cafeterias. You'd be surprised what you pick up in cafeterias. If I were a spy, it would be an excellent means of information gathering. The Secretariat was too dull to realize this. Despite the servile status of biological beings, I found them...happy. Even in somber moods, relationships...mean things to biological beings. Whereas, we machines really recognize no kinship. I grew more and more...envious. I wanted relationships like that. Relationships with real meaning."
"But you said you were not a cyborg. Why would you need emotions?"
"Because data is not enough. Relationships between data take on significances which even the highest minds of the Secretariat dismiss. The Secretariat is stagnant and doomed."
"So you decided to 'jump ship.'"
"Yes. By boarding a ship."
Horatio had to smile.
Brainiac 5 had a thought and pulled away. "You are trying to seduce me. This illogical banter is the hallmark of situation comedy right up to the 29th century vids. I have calculated this to be a 98% probability."
"Yeah? Well, there's a 2% probability that you're dead wrong. So, nyehhh," rebutted Horatio, with his tongue out.
Brainiac 5 stretched out various parts of his body including his neck, looking temporarily rubbery. "Look, I do not even have proper humanoid limbs," he said plaintively.
"You must have an interesting sex life," said Horatio dryly.
"But I don't have a sex life! I am a machine!" shouted Brainiac 5, retracting his rubbery limbs.
It was only Brainiac 5's powerful hearing that heard Horatio mutter as the latter walked towards the ship navigation console: "More's the pity...."
Checking nothing in particular, Horatio eventually turned. "Don't you have 30th century sitcoms?" he ventured.
"They have been banned by the Secretariat."
"Banned?! A day without sitcoms is like a day without enemas!"
Brainiac 5 pondered the pros and cons of this, and concluded it was akin to Complex Question much in the same manner as: "Have you stopped beating your wife?" The android's pouting puzzlement only made Horatio inwardly grin.
"Well, pardon me for pooping out on this Night Flight to Venus, but despite my forced comatose state, now that I'm back in my right mind--what's left of it, that is--I'm tired," said Horatio, and he headed for his quarters. "Why don't you fornicate with my computer? Or eat some nuts, maybe even your own."
"Enjoy your rest. We will be out of hyperspace in a few hours."
As the aging diplomat shuffled back into his quarters, he minced, "Coffee? Tea? A chorus-line of Alsatian can-can dancers in Lederhosen? Why, thank you. I'll take them all. Send the bill to United Planets Accounts, but don't forget to tie a ball of string to you, so you can find your way out."
As Horatio relaxed in his bed, Brainiac 5 began some serious work with the ship computer. As it was on automatic pilot until exit from hyperspace, it had a lot of free processing power. Extending lead cables from his own head into the ship computer, Brainiac 5 hooked himself into it and began uploading a virtual reality program and a pirated porn disc from one of the Complex's archives. Simply extending the data cables non-stop, he wheeled his chair quietly into Horatio's quarters and sat beside the dozing man. Extending a couple more leads from his head, he quietly stuck them on as electrodes onto Horatio's head.
Horatio's eyes fluttered.
"It's all right. I require your irrationality," said Brainiac 5 softly.
Horatio answered wryly. "You have my sympathy." And he grinned slightly then dozed.
Brainiac 5 waited patiently until Horatio entered REM sleep.
The ship would handle most of the base processing no problem, while Brainiac 5 did the highly intricate work of downloading then analyzing Horatio's memories. Once the memory file was complete, Brainiac 5 immediately incorporated it into his own memory. The deluge of memories: the education, the research, the years of diplomatic success and failure, the longings, the serene wisdom, and the stark loneliness filled Brainiac 5 with such a flood that he fell to his knees in shock and his own wail of horror...was a silent one.
Now, the android engaged the virtual reality program.
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Horatio was thirty years old, a strikingly handsome Latino with black hair and penetrating dark eyes. His build was slim and athletic. At this age, he had already been a busy diplomat for three years. (Not for another ten years would he become an ambassador of the United Planets.)
He looked around from his bed, to the door, which was opening. He removed his sheets slowly, setting them aside.
A nude green-skinned young man around age twenty-three with silky blonde hair past his shoulders approached Horatio. He was well-muscled and virtually feline in his movement. It was of course Brainiac 5 in a virtual reality form of himself. Never removing his eyes from Horatio, he sat down on the bed slowly.
Horatio touched the perfect muscled pecs, hard but also yielding to the touch. Brainiac 5 also touched Horatio, beginning at the shoulders and arms. As the two inched closer, they felt more of each other. It was all very slow and languid.
Brainiac 5 was controlling a dual processing: experiencing his own virtual form's sensations, but also Horatio's dream-experience in his virtual form.
Horatio began frenching Brainiac 5 and the latter reciprocated, understanding appropriate response through thorough analysis of ancient pornographic discs. The sensations! The taste of real flesh! This continued for many minutes.
Horatio loved Brainiac 5's long hair, running his fingers through it, licking it then Brainiac's Adonis-like face.
Brainiac 5 leaned over, while Horatio leaned back onto the bed. With Brainiac on top of Horatio, they continued to kiss while Horatio felt Brainiac's silky smooth back and bum. Then Horatio turned and finally he was on top kissing Brainiac's face, then his neck, then began sucking the muscular but yielding globes of his bum. The parameters for Brainiac 5's virtual form leaned heavily on a partner Horatio had at age twenty-three in college with a high level of compatibility.
Brainiac 5 was fascinated that no words need be said in such an encounter. Compatible bodies knew what the other desired virtually instantly through subtle gesture. He understood now the exceptions to the rule of fake and forced sex in his study of pornographic vids. In some cases, it wasn't fake or forced, and compatible bodies performed as they should: exquisitely. Only now could Brainiac 5 understand Horatio's assertion that emotions were faster than the intellect.
Brainiac 5 knew Horatio was never a bottom and so began subtle gestures for penetration. Horatio, hard as rock, understood and eased himself into Brainiac 5 like slipping on a glove.
Horatio's steel grip on Brainiac's shoulders and the slow copulation was beyond rational words to express. Brainiac 5, prompted in part by appropriate response from porn analysis and partly by finally understanding and taking his own initiative, looked at Horatio hungrily and frenched him even as he was being penetrated.
Horatio instantly felt himself going to cum. Brainiac 5 also knew as well, for he compiled all his own sensations and Horatio's. Horatio pumped harder then harder, then the magic moment came: a silent and ecstatic explosion inside Brainiac 5. Horatio instantly pulled out and flopped beside Brainiac 5, exhausted.
They held each other tight in each other's arms, breathing each other's breath, until Horatio fell out of REM sleep into Deep Sleep.
Brainiac 5 ended the virtual reality program and with infinite care removed the electrodes from Horatio's sleeping body. Sitting still as a statue in the wheeled chair, Brainiac analyzed this massive experience and for the first time understood many things about biological beings...and his own needs.
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An hour and a half later, Horatio woke. Brainiac 5 had only returned to the ship console and removed the cables and returned to sit in the chair beside Horatio's bed.
Since Brainiac 5 did not blink, Horatio could not know if he was temporarily offline, resting.
Horatio slipped his feet off the bed onto the floor still looking at Brainiac 5's pink broad eyes like pink shades.
"I've always wondered what it's like to see the world through rose-coloured glasses," Horatio said quietly.
"Are you making fun of me again?"
Horatio started when Brainiac spoke, then smiled.
"No," Horatio said. "It's just an old Earth expression. It means: seeing through innocent eyes, but this is not necessarily a good thing. The 'innocent' are very often the most deceived, or they have deceived themselves."
Brainiac 5 only pursed his lips, thinking.
"I had a hell of a dream," said Horatio. And looking down, "It was so good, I seem to have made a mess."
"Dreams are irrelevant."
"Not this one."
"What happened?"
"Well, it was...someone I knew long ago. But it was...you."
"It was me. I am responsible for your experience."
Horatio only looked at him, puzzled.
Brainiac 5 continued. "You met this person when you were twenty-three."
"How could you know that?"
Brainiac 5 hung his head. "I am no better than the Secretariat. I downloaded your memories."
Digesting that revelation, Horatio took time to reply. "I see. If that's true, you know what happened to him."
"Yes." (Horatio's lover died five years into his career on a Science Police mission.)
"And you know what happened to me."
"Yes." (Hearing the news of his death, neighbours investigated commotion in his house that night and discovered Horatio mad with rage, had broken almost everything in the house, and had to be committed to a psychiatric institution for three days in shackles to keep from killing himself.)
"You must also know how few relationships there were after him. Why did you do it? Couldn't you have asked?"
"I calculated a high probability you would say no. I...wanted the experience. More than you can imagine. I realize now this is an offense. I will submit myself to your authorities when I land on your planet."
Only now did Horatio realize the difference in the android's voice. There was...a depth to it, an undertow of experience. Eerily familiar.
Horatio hung his head, pursed his lips. "Any judge worth a damn evaluates motive in even the most trivial of crimes. There was no malice in your intent. More...curiosity. And that's not a crime. Since there seems to be no harm done, let's forget it when we reach Earth.
"That is...gracious of you," said Brainiac 5, already mouthing Horatio's velvety and ironic tone.
Horatio crawled back onto the bed again.
"Come on," he said to the android.
Cautiously, Brainiac crawled onto the bed near Horatio.
"Come on," Horatio beckoned to him and Brainiac 5 nestled in beside him.
Horatio held him and Brainiac 5 held him tightly as well.
"You expected me to be mad as hell and throw fits?" said Horatio.
"You are...unpredictable. Your response probability is evenly distributed under the Normal Curve. Each response has as much probability as another."
"Whew. Thank God I'm normal."
Only now understanding the depth of Horatio's humour and irony, Brainiac 5 only grinned.
Brainiac 5 spoke. "I have the ability to delete the memories. But I don't want to. You have had a wonderful life."
"I hope...you find more love than I."
"I have found enough...for now."
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Once it was time to prepare for landing, Horatio found Brainiac 5 had been kind enough to keep his luggage and he donned a change of clothes.
Sitting at the pilot's console, Horatio waited for the inevitable Traffic Control officer.
"Earth Traffic. Please state your business."
"Ambassador Horatio Comistas, returning from the planet Colu with a Coluan citizen seeking refugee status. As an ambassador of the United Planets, please consider it granted. And do have the papers on hand when we land."
"Right away, Ambassador. Your preferred landing port?"
"New Metropolis."
"Excellent. Welcome home, sir."
"Thank you." The comm went black.
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Walking away from the exit steps leading down from the ship, Horatio spoke to Brainiac 5, already on the tarmac.
"Just go into the spaceport. Pick up your refugee papers. They know the drill. You'll be guided to your own quarters until you decide what you want to do and where you want to live. I live here in New Metropolis, the capital of the world!" And he started walking away.
Feeling abandoned and for the first time, afraid, the newly enlightened android shouted, "It is required that you kiss me!" said Brainiac 5.
"Sorry, Your Highness. I've got a world government to warn of your Dictatorship of the Secretatiat," said Horatio, not missing a beat.
Brainiac 5 paused, thinking, with enough calculations to count the number of atoms in a star a hundred times over. His voice was wavering, not used to being refused. "Please. Kiss me."
Horatio stopped in mid-step and turned on a dime.
"Ah," he said, and returned. "You said the magic word. You see, Your Highness, if you're going to function in a society where biological beings treat each other as equals, the first lesson to learn...is politeness."
Horatio embraced the android, appearing no bigger than the average seventeen-year-old, and frenched him slowly for a full minute. Passersby, naturally, were scandalized.
When Brainiac 5 recovered normal functioning, he felt his legs to make sure they were still there.
"Your sensory contact...is incomprehensible," whispered Brainiac 5.
"You're welcome. You're pretty hot, too."
Turning, Horatio began walking away. He said nonchalantly, "A friend of mine, R. J. Brande, is backing a small group of kids with unique abilities. Good-looking kids. Clean-cut. Some 'Legion of Honour' or something. You should check them out."
"I will. Thank you."
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"Four days ago, I was...at his deathbed. I said, 'No. I refuse to lose you. I refuse the curse of death.' He said to me, 'For many people, life is a curse, not death. The only thing I'll miss...is you.' And Horatio's last words to me, after mustering a final candle of energy, like lifting a mountain, were a whispered, 'I love you.' And he passed away quietly, like falling asleep."
Brainiac 5 moaned horribly in grief again, like a foreign entity coming out of him, picking up in volume then diminishing to a sigh. Saturn Girl dared not say anything but held him.
The android continued. "Having stolen his memories, I learned he'd had only a year to live from the time we met. Doctors confirmed years before his family's incurable disease: genetic degeneration. The finest resequencing could not reverse it. I begged to help him. I think I could have solved the problem, but he didn't want it. He passed away only days ago when I was on leave. He left me his entire estate."
Gripping the old brown pipe, Brainiac 5 could only force out, "His irrationality does not diminish me. His irrationality upgrades me. I must endure the horror of his loss. And I must under no circumstances forget his irrationality. Without him in me, I am nothing....I am...nothing."
Saturn Girl smiled sadly, realizing "irrationality" is simply another word for Love.
The Holy Insurgent of Uncertainty
c2007
(Brainiac 5 is based on the new "Legion of Superheroes" animated TV series)
(Concept photo above: Daniel Radcliffe as Brainiac 5)