Reasons why Aaron is good at driving
Hi my name is Maka Zadargo McCatso. I am the elected representative for the Aaron Hepburn Fan Club, the A.H.F.C. I represent a group, or more a population of movie/poetry/art enthusiast. We have come together to celebrate the lifelong achievements and works of art Aaron has taken part in. Besides movies Aaron Hepburn has indulged himself, and us for that matter, in various forms of art. When he was younger his first love was for comics. When he was only eight he wrote and drew a comic book series. the series was called The Undergoers, staring Johnny Grim, the son of the Grim Reaper, as the hero. In high school he anonymously submitted play writes to Broadway. Have you ever heard of Les Miserbe, or Anne? Aaron wrote those. After plays he decided to start making movies and the rest is history.
Testimonies Jaco Pestorio- "Well, the first time I saw an Aaron Hepburn flick was, well back in the 70's. Man it hit me, hit me like a…a rock. There was just so much passion, and so much realism. That cat knew how to act, most the time I thought he was actually there. When ever I get nervous at a gig I just think of the monologue he gave in his movie Fat Chance at Cleveland High. He said 'Look at me. Look in my eyes. The blue is for my dreams, get your own and chase them. The white is for the purity, catch with your heart, and the red… the red is for the passion. Unbridled and relentless. With the wings of Poseidon, cast your fate!' yeah, he's the man.
Brain Kazaa (creater of internet downloading program)-"So there I was in my front yard mowing the lawn when bam, I see him Aaron Hepburn walking down my block. First I think to myself, whats A.H. doing in brookling alabma and then i think, no fucking way. But there he was. I made my way to the corner of the block and watched him, in a very stalkerish way, get into a new beatle. As soon as I heard the engine spark up, on a side note the new beatle is a great tribute to a once and still cultural icon for the 60's. I wish that I had a new beatle. I would put a flower in it and cruse down the street in style. Anyway, I heard the car start up and I knew that I had to stop him so that I could just once see him up close. I jogged to the street he was turning onto and fell to my knees while faking a leg injury. Aaron slowed his car to a crawl and checked me out. He then stopped the car and got out. I'll never forget the conversation we had. He looked and me and expressed concern with his soft boom mike voice. Then he said to me, 'you look down on your luck. So here, I got this idea...' and he proceeded to tell me his downloading idea. I thanked him and got up and as he walked back to his car he looked over his shoulder and winked. I never saw him again. So if you are wondering why kazaa is so much better then napster was now you know. Thanks Aaron.
Aaron Hepburn likes the comic book character Spiderman. Which on the out side makes sense. Because Spiderman is a superhero and people like superheroes. But I think that there is more to it then just that. My claim, Aaron Hepburn is Spiderman. Maka, how can you make that claim? Well I will show you though a series of irrefutable evidence. First off Aaron knows everything about Spiderman and due to his busy schedule he has no time to read the series and series of Spiderman comics. Where does this wealth of knowledge come from? Point number two, have you seen Aaron move? He is like a gazelle, no a gazelle filled with Jell-O on the moon. His movements are so fluid and beautiful. When watching him it is like observing Michel Jordan play golf, perfect in every way. Point three, he loves Mary Jane and by that I mean pot. He smokes in the morning he smokes in the night. He smokes so much he doesn't even care that he is smoking. Sometimes he just lights a J and lets it burn by itself. He once didn't smoke for three months because there were no joints personally rolled by Incubus available. Aaron smokes the best green in the world. He can grow weed just by dropping old seeds into a toilet. Not that he would smoke that shit, but would sell it for sixty bucks so that he could go buy the new Darkness album. Point four; he listens to the Darkness all the time. He loves there song, Taking Care of Business, and when he hears that song he can't help by go fight crime and better the world. Point five, just ask him. Aaron doesn't care if you know that he is Spiderman. He is so good at putting the bad guys down that if the mean dudes tried to take Aarons loved ones hostage (loved ones being everyone in the world because Aaron has enough love to go around.) he could stop them without even trying. Aaron makes sure that he does unset the balance of good and evil, or like Aaron calls it the Ying and Yang, so he has to regulate how much ass kicking he does. That’s right Aaron knocked down the world trade towers so that a war would start over seas because he had to make sure the fabric of the human mind didn't because too happy. Death is when Aaron finally lets you be too happy to live. That is what heaven is, being able to accept all of the great gifts that Aaron Hepburn dishes out.
Interview with Aaron Hepburn him self. maka: Aaron, where do you think your influences come from?
A.H.: the three stooges, Godzilla, movies, ahh… Adam West's batman form the 60's and the old cereal commercials. Like the old smacks commercials. But they don't make those anymore.
Maka: You talked about cereal in the last question. What is your daily diet?
A.H. Hmmm.. Generally I wake up at noon and have pasta and have Paul Neumann pasta sauce. Sting cheese is what I use for snacks. I like granola bars. A lot of times I find food at work. When I get home I have another snack. A sandwich. I have a modest diet. Not too much and not too little. I like my sugar, but I regulate it. I have a work out rutean that I do every night. I count the push ups out loud.
Maka: Well, that sounds like a charged day. Even for a man like you. What do you do for pleasure when you are not doing busy proactive things like working, eating, and working out?
A.H. I draw a lot and paint. When I have paint. I write comic books as much as I can, I talk to this girl in cal.
Maka: girl from cal, do tell.
A.H. We talk about comics a lot. And film, we like movie quotes and quiz each other. The old Disney films are good. We tell secrets and stuff, daily stuff. Then we plan times to get together. Gifts, we make those as well.
Maka: you gona be seeing her anytime soon?
A.H. She will be coming up in dec. That will be cool. We are gona spend so time in Chicago. Lots of sex and free parking.
Maka: So now lets get down to the stuff the fans want to know. What do you think of when you are acting, specifically how do you make your self cry in the really intense parts of a film?
A.H. How? Well I try to breateh really deep, like a yawn. I don't think about anything in particular. Making yourself cry is more physical them mental. Some times I will throw water in my face.
Maka: oh yeah, talk about your early films with your brother?
A.H.- I wasn't in them, I would write and film them. There was a bachelor film, a spoof on that and I made a batch of cookies and on the show the people would try to make the cookies fall in love with them. A reality show type thing. Yeah it was fun, my brother cried.
Maka: Well, thanks for taking the time to do this interview. I am sure the fans appreciate it.
A.H. NO problem, I love the fans and I hope that everyone finds there relatives safe and sound.
Aaron Hepburn has been off the radar for about a month or so but my sources tell me that he has accepted a part in the remake of Terminator Two. I think he will be able to pull it off. The reason why I have no doubt in this remake is because where Arnold Schwarzenegger fails Aaron will rise to the occasion. Example: When Arnold says "I'll be back" Aaron will say, "Can't touch this". Why?, you might ask. I don't really know but when Aaron speaks those lines the world listens with attentive ears. Along with the movie Aaron is making he is co-writing a tv sitcom about the days of the fore fathers. The setting is 1776 and America is being founded. The two main characters are King George III and George Washington portraying the odd couple. It will be great, I guarantee it.
I maka maka slut fug, just dove into the "achieves", as the hepburn spells it, and watched some old school hepburn flicks. They were so goo, I don't know how A.H. can consistantly make beautiful moives. In one movie aaron plays a animal and I was sold, I thought he was a animal! Here's a nother interview cause I know you all want to hear from the source,
Aaron says Pello not pilow.
ms: Hey arron, so we're going to cali next week. What are your plans?
AH: I'm going to the zoo, movies, three stoges, adn I'm going to disney and for freee
HOw come free?
AH: sarahs mom works there, she's walt disney, shes the blue megadore. Then I'm going to go to a comic book convention and then give matt and luther a ride to san diage then go to the fire house where they filmed the interier of ghost busters.
That's all for now, Aaron has to go do important things.
Arron Hepburn is so famous that he doesn't have the time to answer his phone anymore. This is because he is soo busy banging away at a hottie in california. Don't get me wrong, a man of such caliber and productivity has little time for the smaller things like returning a call from his main man. Even though, I am still hurt. A promise from arron is writen in two large stones and when they break the covenant comes crashing down on you like the weight it takes to forge such a lyrically woven agreement. NOw, in my days of past I wait for the wounds to heal, though the scars will never feel the sun as sharp, the wind as brisk, and the ground as solid. NUmbed and removed from the shifting world I stand still, watching the ecosystem of life click and twist wqithout me. A world without aaron is a mouth with no smile.
ok folks. My ever-persistant readers I know that you all are awaiting yet another insight to the life of aaron hepburn and healing at my feet for some of my privlaged information. So I shall deliver, as aaron would most likley quote spiderman, 'with great responciblity...you know the rest' the tid bits of peeks into aaron's life. I a sorry for the misspelt words, Aaron's computer is so ar beyond my personal mental grasp that I could not find the Micosoft word program. But to attend to your demands I wil tell you of aaron's most recent activities. Aaron was seen at 508 dubuque st. 'partying' with the common folk. He did not drink too much, nor talk to little. Unfortunatly for the members present at the gathering Aaron was a bit more engaged with other more pressing needs, his endentured one being the recipriant. Never the less Aaron gave his time and wit selflessly and made ten or twelve people's minds lighter and happier. Now as I write Aaron is attending te stove, breaking gender barriers, making me-a lowly man of normality- mac and cheese, god bless the man we call great but refered to as Hepburn. Ballz
So here I am at Aaron's new place and yes, it could be consitered a 'pimp ass pad or 'crimping crib.' we ate some mac n cheese and yes it was good. After eating aaron noted that I was exibiting cold symptoms and asked me if I was cold. I was but tried not to let Aaron notice. he did. In an effort to steer my mine away from being cold he brought out an air mattress and inflated it to a firm bounce. Aaron then sugested that we pretend we were stuck on an ocean. I tell you Aaron's mine is forever creative. He was so good at setting the mood that at one point I thought a shark was coming for me. We returned to his apartment and tried to access the website but I forgot the password.
Aaron's music selection is consitered old school. But he keeps it hip with new rap songs about ghost riding and sniffing paint. Aaron is a great role model because he knows when to quit. Just the other day Aaron was at a cool party. He had had three beers and when i asked him if he wanted one more he said, 'nope I'm fine.' I, a weaker man, didn't stop and ended up making a fool of myself. That's the difference between Aaron and I. He's got a everpresent coolness vilgilance. I'd tell more stories about Aaron's cool under pressure attitude but we have to go help the homeless get more self respect.
Ten reasons I think Aaron is tall. One, it makes it easier to chat with the big man. Two, he likes to be able to brush his hair with a ceiling fan. Three, he can use his pants as shorts. Four, he can use his shrit as a parachute to save people on a crashing plane. Five, he can give his cloths away and save hundreds of people from the winter cold. Six, he gets better cell phone reception. Seven, so that when he gets burried in the ocean at the ocasion of his death a small sand bar will cover him make him part of the ocean. Eight, well he is tall and there's nothing to do about it except run under his giant legs.