This is a page dedicated to Self Injury, specifically cutting. I hope to inform those that have never heard of this addiction, those who are family members of those that do engage in this activity and those who are currently or formally Self Injuring. I have formally suffered from Self Injury and since then have decided that I was given this burden so that I may help others.
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WARNING
This site contains material that may upset and/or shock some viewers. You will be exposed to info pertaining to self injury, suicidal thoughts, and depression from a first-hand perspective. PLEASE LEAVE THIS SITE NOW IF YOU FEEL SUCH MATERIAL MAY BE TRIGGERING OR INAPPROPRIATE FOR YOU TO READ. I don't mean for this site to trigger anyone to hurt themselves in any way or to offend anyone.
Dear family and friends
I know that the SIer you know may be hurting you deeply by their actions. I know this may make you feel angry and/or concerned for their health. But know these things before you decide to make any decisions. Know how we feel, and understand how SIing works. Study it... there's many sites out there that give professional and personal advice and information about SIing.
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An SIer, first of all, usually keeps their SIing secret. If an SIer has entrusted you with the knowledge that they SI, DON'T VIOLATE THAT TRUST!
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SIers keep their SIing secret because of shame, fear of others anger, fear of others trying to take their habit away from them, and fear of being forced into things. Don't do ANY of these! Even though an SIer fears these things, don't think that using them once they have confided in you will make them stop. Not only will it make them not trust you, but will force them to become more secretitive and more creative in their efforts. Also, don't demand to know why they do it. Research the reasons other SIers give if you need to know. The SIer you know probably will simply clam up and won't tell you, simply because they think you'll think they're crazy or psychotic.
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What you can do: Be supportive. Don't bring the SIing up unless they do, but simply notice if they seem upset and ask them why, give them a hug once in a while for no reason, ask them how their day went. Make it genuine, and don't overdo it. They may seem standoffish at first and uncommunicative, but if you keep being supportive of them they'll eventually warm up. Don't bring up the subject of therepy. Most SIers curl their lips up in disgust of therepy, especially if they've had bad experiences with it, and this usually just makes them back off more.
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One thing you can do though is make sure they're being safe about their SIing. For example, if they're a cutter, simply ask them one day about if they sterilize their cutting device and dress the wounds afterwards. Hear their answer, and if they say no, encourage them to do so, and leave it at that. It's a way of showing you care without pushing them to stop. Know that nothing, NOTHING can make them stop until they decide to stop. You just want them to feel comfortable and trusting enough of you to come to you when they want to stop for help and support. <>
Sometimes a good, supportive, caring person is all an SIer needs to make them want to stop. Most SIers have given up on people and themselves. They need someone who they can trust, and they need someone who can tell them they're not crazy or psychotic. Also know that this is only the first step for them... wanting to quit.... some SIers also need therepy to fully heal once they decide to quit
Self-Injury is deliberately hurting yourself without or without the intent to commit suicide. Besides self-injury, it is also reffered to as self-abuse, self-harm and self mutilation. The majority of people who self-injure are women. <>
The main reason for this is that men tend to display their agression-hurt-pain outwardly towards other people or inantimate objects. Women, on the other hand, tend to turn that hurt and pain inward upon themselves. The majority of women who self-injure have been sexually or physically abused.
There are many methods a self-injurer may use.
The most common is cutting (using razor blades or broken glass)
Burning
Scratching
Picking of healing wounds
Headbanging
The breaking of bones.
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The reasons why someone self-injures are numerous and each time it is done, it does not neccesarily have to be for the same reason. Some of the reasons are:
Relief from psychological pain
Release of mounting tension
Inability to feel
Feeling too much
Inability to handle any kind of feeling-good or bad
Wanting to feel something
Expressing anger
And sometimes self-injury is even used for getting attention-although in the majority of cases this is not true.
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alternatives to
self-injury
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Stay in a public place
Be with safe and supportive people
Call a friend
Call your therapist
Write in a journal
Watch a funny movie
Make a no-harm contract with your therapist
Go for a drive
Do relaxation exercises
Do deep breathing
Listen to music
Read a good book
Go for a walk
Clean a closet, a dresser, the kitchen
Take a bubble bath
Go shopping
Wear a rubber band around one wrist and when the urge to harm is
strong, snap it lightly
Hold ice in your hand (sounds strange, but it works)
With a washable red marker, make marks where you want to hurt
yourself. This sometimes helps, especially if you like to see the blood.
Most importantly, get rid of anything you could hurt yourself with
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Beating It
First and foremost you must make the commitment to stop. Without it you will fail. I tried half heartily many times to stop, but each time I failed to really really try to stop.
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Once you have made the commitment to stop, you must have the proper support group because you will have to turn to them.
Next you have to find alternatives, be it sleeping, watch TV or read a book. I don't care what it is as long as its not cutting.
Also, don't sit there and think about cutting. If you must think about it, set aside a time to think about it and no other time. If you find yourself thinking about it before the allotted time, tell yourself that there is a time for it and move on.
Put things in perspective. One mistake will not make the rest of your life Hell. Also, where does cutting get you, except further and further addicted and more scars and only TEMPORARY relief. The problem does not lie with cutting, but what the cutting masks.
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Now once all of this is done, the real work begins. the first several weeks after you stop may not be too difficult, but I have found once I hit the one month mark, the urges increase in frequency and intensity. This may vary person to person though. Once you hit that mark, you must be prepared to do anything to stop. For me this included, giving all my razors to my best friend at college and telling her not to give to me This stops me from having an easy way to cut. Now I must be creative and given that most urges last around 15 minutes, its not worth the hassle.
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You also have to be prepared to bring in your alternatives. Many times for me this is sleeping or doing mindless computer stuff. I also keep reminding myself that this will pass and I am better off without cutting myself.
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Hopefully this has given you insight into how you might beat the addiction, but there is more that needs to be done.
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You must confront the pain behind the cutting. I have also begun to do that and I notice that the urges have decreased in intensity. I am finding other outlets for my pain.
Also, I am being to experience emotions again. This is very weird for me and many times I experience a range of emotions that I am unfamiliar with and i don't have much control sometimes. But I would rather lose control of my emotion than my cutting. Bring physical pain on to mask emotional pain brings me far greater harm than facing my secrets ever could.
Well these are several techniques and steps that I used to stop the cutting and finally beat it. Granted I am still in the early stages of stopping, I finally feel as though I can be free.
I'm also including this checklist that Dr. Tracy Alderman, author of The Scarred Soul: Understanding and Ending Self Inflicted Violence.
It isn't necessary that you be able to answer all of the questions "yes," but the more of these things you can set up for yourself, the easier it will be to stop hurting yourself.
While it is not necessary that you meet all of these criteria before stopping SI, the more of these statements that are true for you before you decide to stop this behavior, the better.
· I have a solid emotional support system of friends, family, and/ or professionals that I can use if I feel like hurting myself.
· There are at least two people in my life that I can call if I want to hurt myself. I feel at least somewhat comfortable talking about SIB with three different people.
I have a list of at least ten things I can do instead of hurting myself.
I have a place to go if I need to leave my house so as not to hurt myself.
I feel confident that I could get rid of all the things that I might be likely to use to hurt myself.
· I have told at least two other people that I am going to stop hurting myself. I am willing to feel uncomfortable, scared, and frustrated. I feel confident that I can endure thinking about hurting myself without having to actually do so.
· I want to stop hurting myself.
[Alderman (1997) p. 132
A Bill of Rights for Those Who Self-Harm
1. The right to caring, humane medical treatment
Self-injurers should receive the same level and quality of care that a person presenting with an identical but accidental injury would receive. Procedures should be done as gently as they would be for others. If stitches are required, local anesthesia should be used. Treatment of accidental injury and self-inflicted injury should be identical.
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2. The right to participate fully in decisions about emergency psychiatric treatment (so long as no one's life is in immediate danger).
When a person presents at the emergency room with a self-inflicted injury, his or her opinion about the need for a psychological assessment should be considered. If the person is not in obvious distress and is not suicidal, he or she should not be subjected to an arduous psych evaluation. Doctors should be trained to assess suicidality/homicidality and should realize that although referral for outpatient follow-up may be advisable, hospitalization for self-injurious behavior alone is rarely warranted.
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3. The right to body privacy.
Visual examinations to determine the extent and frequency of self-inflicted injury should be performed only when absolutely necessary and done in a way that maintains the patient's dignity. Many who SI have been abused; the humiliation of a strip-search is likely to increase the amount and intensity of future self-injury while making the person subject to the searches look for better ways to hide the marks.
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4. The right to have the feelings behind the SI validated.
Self-injury doesn't occur in a vacuum. The person who self-injures usually does so in response to distressing feelings, and those feelings should be recognized and validated. Although the care provider might not understand why a particular situation is extremely upsetting, she or he can at least understand that it *is* distressing and respect the self-injurer's right to be upset about it.
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5. The right to disclose to whom they choose only what they choose.
No care provider should disclose to others that injuries are self-inflicted without obtaining the permission of the person involved. Exceptions can be made in the case of team-based hospital treatment or other medical care providers when the information that the injuries were self-inflicted is essential knowledge for proper medical care. Patients should be notified when others are told about their SI and as always, gossiping about any patient is unprofessional.
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6. The right to choose what coping mechanisms they will use.
No person should be forced to choose between self-injury and treatment. Outpatient therapists should never demand that clients sign a no-harm contract; instead, client and provider should develop a plan for dealing with self-injurious impulses and acts during the treatment. No client should feel they must lie about SI or be kicked out of outpatient therapy. Exceptions to this may be made in hospital or ER treatment, when a contract may be required by hospital legal policies.
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7. The right to have care providers who are not afraid of SI.
Those who work with clients who self-injure should keep their own fear, revulsion, anger, and anxiety out of the therapeutic setting. This is crucial for basic medical care of self-inflicted wounds but holds for therapists as well. A person who is struggling with self-injury has enough baggage without taking on the prejudices and biases of their care providers.
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8. The right to have the role SI has played as a coping mechanism validated.
No one should be shamed, admonished, or chastised for having self-injured. Self-injury works as a coping mechanism, sometimes for people who have no other way to cope. They may use SI as a last-ditch effort to avoid suicide. The self-injurer should be taught to honor the positive things that self-injury has done for him/her as well as to recognize that the negatives of SI far outweigh those positives and that it is possible to learn methods of coping that aren't as destructive and life-interfering.
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9. The right not to be automatically considered a dangerous person simply because of self-inflicted injury.
No one should be put in restraints or locked in a treatment room in an emergency room solely because his or her injuries are self-inflicted. No one should ever be involuntarily committed simply because of SI; physicians should make the decision to commit based on the presence of psychosis, suicidality, or homicidality.
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10. The right to have self-injury regarded as an attempt to communicate, not manipulate.
Most people who hurt themselves are trying to express things they can say in no other way. Although sometimes these attempts to communicate seem manipulative, treating them as manipulation only makes the situation worse. Providers should respect the communicative function of SI and assume it is not manipulative behavior until there is clear evidence to the contrary.
Courtesy of Deb Martinson- www.service4you.net/self injury
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poetry by poeple who selfharm
the real me
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Sitting alone with nothing but my thoughts,
but my thoughts frighten me,
I think of blood and razor blades,
what is wrong with me,
What would mom and dad say,
am I a disgrace,
a burden to them,
I hide my face,
so no one will know,
I am hurting deep inside,
this is the only way to let it out,
I want you to see all the pain you have caused me,
I am crying out for help,
but you don't want to see,
You don't want to see the real me
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Graffiti
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When I was younger
I used to score little lines into my school desk
and dye the scatches with felt tip pen,
cover them over with my text book
so that the teacher wouldn't accuse me of vandalism.
When I was older
I used to score little lines into my left arm
and dye the scratches with bleeding blood,
cover them over with long sleeves
so that society wouldn't
accuse me of madness.
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The Cut
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This one's been here all along
And this one arrived today
Like a game I'm expected to win
When I don't know how to play
The Need To Bleed
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All alone at night,
The urge wins this fight.
I try not to, but this is what I need,
My problems flow out when I bleed.
Oh, Razorblade
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Oh, razorblade, cold and bright.
Take away my pain tonight!
A tiny prick, a little cut,
The lights are low, the door is shut.
The blade slides in, the blood runs out,
Along with it: fear, guilt, and doubt.
Now cover the cut, put the blade away,
To wait for use for the next bad day.
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Cut Deep
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Scissors and needles, Knives and pins,
Cuts fill with blood, as I slice up my skin.
Why would someone do this, someone like me?
But there they are to be shown, can't you see?
Look at my blood, look at it run,
Look at my wrists, just look what I've done!
They are mine to cherish, mine to keep,
I sit up at night, while you peacefully sleep,
Its not that anything is wrong, it’s all quite right,
But every night, the knife wins the fight.
So you wonder how I could do this,
But it’s the pain that I miss.
I must do it again and again,
I must see the scar, feel the blood, the pain.
The cuts and blood are there to see,
As my pain is released from deep inside of me.
With each cut, each scar, each scratch,
I say that this will be my final, my last.
But each of my promises are considered a lie,
All I want is to cut deep and die
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