HEY THERE SPORTS FANS! PLEASE TAKE THIS QUIZ. GET OUT A PIECE OF PAPER AND KEEP TRACK OF HOW YOU DO. YOUR FUTURE WILL DEPEND ON IT!
QUESTION 1- DO YOU SMOKE BANANA PEELS? (IF YES, GO TO QUESTION 2. IF
NO, GO TO QUESTION 2.)
QUESTION 2- ARE YOUR GLOBULES SHOWING? (IF YES, FOR GOD'S SAKE, COVER
THEM UP, MAN! YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE SOMEONE'S EYE OUT WITH THAT
THING! IF NO- GOOD. I'M GLAD YOU LEARNED SOMETHING IN SEX ED.)
QUESTION 3- HAVE YOU EVER VISITED ULAN BATOR, MONGOLIA? (IF YES, YOU
ARE A SORRY PIECE OF CRAP. IF NO, YOU ARE JUST A PIECE OF CRAP.)
QUESTION 4- ARE YOU LUGUBRIOUS? (IF YES, OOOH....THAT COULD COME IN
HANDY LATER- IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. IF NO- BOY, YOU'LL NEVER GET
ANY.)
QUESTION 5- HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED PEEK-A-BOO WITH...WELL, YOU KNOW?
(IF YES, DID YOU FIND IT? IF NO- WHY NOT?)
QUESTION 6- HAVE YOU EVER SMUGGLED OSTRICH EGGS ACROSS THE BORDER? (IF
YES- MY GOD, MAN, THAT'S HOW FLUSHER'S DISEASE SPREADS! IF NO- THE
WORLD NEEDS MORE PEOPLE LIKE YOU.)
QUESTION 7- HAVE YOU EVER JUMPED OFF A BUILDING BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT
YOU COULD FLY? (IF YES, HOW MANY BONES DID YOU BREAK? IF NO, YOU
OBVIOUSLY DON'T USE YOUR IMAGINATION VERY MUCH.)
QUESTION 8- HAVE YOU EVER MET THE OONIES? (IF YES, YOU POOR
THING. IF NO, CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY. YOU ARE PART OF THE FEW, THE
PROUD- THE STAIGHT!)
QUESTION 9- HAVE YOU YOU EVER EATEN A URINAL MINT? (IF YES, DID YOU
TAKE A LEAK FIRST? IF NO- YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME. YOU CAN
FRESHEN UP AFTER YOU TAKE A LEAK.)
