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THE SECOND YEHUDA WORLD PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE!

WELCOME TO THE LAST IN OUR SERIES OF YEHUDA WORLD DEBATES! TODAY, WE'RE HAVING THE SECOND YEHUDA WORLD PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE! WE HAD HOPED TO GET GEORGE W. BUSH AND JOHN KERRY HERE THIS WEEK, BUT THEY OBVIOUSLY HAD BETTER THINGS TO (LIKE PICK THEIR NOSES). SO, WE WERE LEFT IN A CONUNDRUM. WE HAD DAN QUAYLE ALL READY TO GO, BUT NO ONE FOR HIM TO DEBATE AGAINST. SO, WE DECIDED, WHY NOT HAVE A DEBATE BETWEEN DAN QUAYLE AND HIS RUNNING MATE, BINGUS? BINGUS IS PLANNING TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT IN 2012, SO TECHNICALLY IT COULD STILL BE A PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE! SO THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO-LAST WEEK, WE MADE HISTORY BY DOING THE FIRST EVER POSTMASTER GENERAL DEBATE! THIS WEEK, WE'RE MAKING HISTORY AGAIN, WITH THE FIRST DEBATE BETWEEN A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE AND HIS OWN RUNNING MATE! ANYWAY, ON TO THE FESTIVITIES, HERE'S YOUR MODERATOR FOR THIS DEBATE, THIS KNUCKLEHEAD!



WORD TO YOUR MOTHER, YO. WELCOME TO THE SECOND YEHUDA WORLD PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE! HERE'S HOW THE DEBATE WORKS-I'LL ASK THE QUESTIONS. IF I DON'T LIKE THE RESULTS, I WILL ZAP THE PERSON WHO ANSWERED THE QUESTION WITH A TASER! EACH CANDIDATE WILL GET AN OPENING AND CLOSING STATEMENT. BY THE VIRTUE OF A THUMB WRESTLING MATCH WE HAD BEFORE THE DEBATE, BINGUS WILL DO HIS OPENING STATEMENT FIRST.



BOYS AND GIRLS, DAN QUAYLE IS A SACK OF ELEPHANT COMPOST! HE HAS NO PLAN! HIS IDEA FOR FOREIGN POLICY SUCKS! I COULD PULL A BETTER FOREIGN POLICY OUT OF MY BUTT! HE THINKS BECAUSE HE WAS A VICE PRESIDENT (OR SO HE SAYS), THAT HE WALKS ON WATER! HE'S A TERD! DON'T VOTE FOR HIM, VOTE FOR ME!



GOOD OPENING STATEMENT, NO TASER FOR YOU! I ESPECIALLY LIKED THE PART ABOUT THE ELEPHANT COMPOST! DAN QUAYLE, IT'S YOUR TURN!


BINGUS IS A STUPID HEAP OF FESTERING BIRD SNOT! I ONLY CHOSE HIM TO BE MY RUNNING MATE BECAUSE HE HAS A MULLET! HE THINKS HE'S SO COOL BECAUSE HE SCORED A 5 ON HIS S.A.T.'S. JUST BECAUSE HE GOT A HIGHER SCORE THAN ME DOESN'T MEAN HE'S SMARTER THAN ME. 'M A FORMER VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, BLAST YOU! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO VOTE FOR ME! IF YOU DON'T, I'LL GO TO ALL YOUR HOUSES, AND THROW ROTTEN EGGS AT YOUR WINDOWS! BINGUS IS WRONG FOR AMERICA. QUAYLE IS ALSO WRONG FOR AMERICA, BUT LESS WRONG THAN BINGUS. VOTE FOR ME, YOU STUPID IDIOTS!



ALSO A GOOD OPENING STATEMENT. I'M SO DISAPPOINTED, I WAS HOPING TO USE MY TASER IN THE OPENING STATEMENTS. OH WELL, I GUESS I CAN WAIT. NO..I CAN'T. I'LL JUST GIVE MYSELF A LITTLE ZAP TO HOLD ME OVER......OWWWWW!.....OKAY, MUCH BETTER. THE FIRST QUESTION IS FOR DAN QUAYLE. MR. QUAYLE...SAY SOMETHING INSULTING ABOUT BINGUS'S MOM.



THAT'S NOT A QUESTION YOU BIG MORON....OWWW!....QUIT ZAPPONG ME WITH THAT TASER! YOU WILL NOT DO THAT TO ME! I'M A FORMER VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, I CAN HAVE YOU SHOT FOR THAT...OWWWWW!....OKAY, YOU ASKED FOR IT! SECRET SERVICE, SHOOT HIM!!!!!.......WHERE ARE THEY? OH, THAT'S RIGHT, THE SECRET SERVICE DOESN'T FOLLOW ME AROUND. PROBABLY BECUASE I INTIMIDATE THEM TOO MUCH. I DO THAT TO EVERYONE. BECAUSE EVERYONE IS A PIECE OF PIGEON POOP COMPARED TO ME....OWWWWW!!! DANG IT, KNUCKLEHEAD, YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT! WHEN I'M PRESIDENT, I'M GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE AND GOUGE OUT YOUR EYEBALLS WITH A SPOON!.....OWWW!



BOY, THAT WAS FUN. THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY LIFE....ZAPPING DAN QUAYLE WITH A TASER! BINGUS, YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO REBUT.


WELL, MR. QUAYLE DIDN'T ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, OR STATEMENT, THAT IS. LET'S SEE...SOMETHING INSULTING ABOUT MY MOM. MY MOM'S REALLY UGLY, I ALWAYS TELL HER SHE WAS BEAT WITH AN UGLY BRANCH. SHE ALSO SMELLS LIKE WEE WEE. AND SHE LOOKS LIKE A CAMEL. AND SHE.....



OKAY, WE HAVE TO MOVE ON. THE NEXT QUESTION IS FOR BINGUS. BINGUS-IF YOU COULD DESCRIBE DAN QUAYLE IN ONE WORD, WHAT YOULD IT BE?


THAT'S TOUGH! I CAN THINK OF SO MANY WORDS TO DESCRIBE HIM-GARBAGE, DIARHHEA, URINE, COLONOSCOPY. BUT I THINK THAT THE WORD THAT BEST DESCRIBES HIM IS....TWERP! HE'S A TWERP! A LOW DOWN DIRTY TWERP! HE DEFINES TWERP! TWERP! TWERP! TWERP! TWERP! TWERP! TWERP!



OUCH, THAT'S HITTING BELOW THE BELT! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT, TWERP?


HOW DARE YOU TWO CALL ME THAT! DO YOU REALIZE WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO? I'M THE MOST PERFECT HUMAN BEING TO EVERY SET FOOT ON THIS EARTH, AND NO ONE WILL COME AFTER ME THAT WILL EVEN BE WITHIN ONE IOTA OF MY GREATNESS!....OWWW! STOP THAT! MAN, YOU BETTER HOPE I'M NOT ELECTED PRESIDENT, KNUCKLEHEAD, EVEN THOUGH THERE NO WAY I WON'T BE! YOU TOO BINGUS! YOU'RE GOING TO BECOME THE FIRST VICE PRESIDENT TO BE BEATEN TO DEATH BY THE PRESIDENT WITH A TIRE IRON!.....OWWW! STOP TASERING ME, YOU TASERING BUFFOON! YOU ALL WILL FEEL MY WRATH! SO WILL THE REST OF YOU, AMERICA! MY WRATH IS UNFORGIVING, YOU WILL PAY FOR SNICKERING AT ME! QUAYLE WILL BE AVENGED, OH YES! BWAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....OWWW!



MAN, TASERING IS SO MUCH FUN. I SHOULD DO IT MORE OFTEN. TASER EVERYONE I SEE AS I WALK DOWN THE STREET. THAT WOULD RULE. OKAY, I DON'T WANT TO DO ANY MORE QUESTIONS, BECAUSE MY TASER'S ALMOST OUT OF JUICE. CLOSING STATEMENT TIME! DAN QUAYLE GOES FIRST!


VOTE FOR ME, OR I'LL DUMP RAW SEWAGE IN YOUR FRONT YARD! VOTE QUAYLE!



THAT WOULDN'T BE TOO BAD, ACTUALLY. MY APARTMENT SMELLS LIKE RAW SEWAGE ANYWAY, BECAUSE I DON'T FLUSH MY TOILET! TOILETS WERE NOT MEANT TO BE FLUSHED! BINGUS, IT'S YOUR TURN!


DAN QUAYLE IS WRONG FOR THIS COUNTRY. I'M RIGHT, AND THAT'S WHY YOU NEED TO VOTE FOR ME, EVEN THOUGH I'M RUNNING FOR VICE PRESIDENT! ONLY BY BEING VICE PRESIDENT CAN I BE PRESIDENT!....OWWWW! WHAT THE DAMN?



SORRY, BINGUS, I LIKED WHAT YOU SAID, BUT I HAD TO ZAP YOU ONCE, BECAUSE I COULDN'T LET DAN QUAYLE HAVE ALL THE FUN! THAT DOES IT FOR OUR DEBATES! VOTE TOMORROW, AND VOTE QUAYLE/BINGUS, BECAUSE THEY GET ALONG REAL WELL! ADIOS!


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