Dear Web Viewer,
Welcome to my site, it's so good to see you. I know it's been awhile, but I hope that you will find this visit as pleasant as the last one surely was. I've been working hard to make sure that you find everything to your satisfaction, there is no need to worry, your every whim will be catered to. Especially any whim involving the sight of David Hasselhoff in grayscale.
If, by some cruel act of fate, your whim cannot be catered to, we will go ahead and cater to this whim anyway. "Impossible," you might exclaim, "It cannot be done." But, dear viewer, this is simply not the case. You see, here at Physical Educations, no whim is uncaterable, and therefore, no whim left uncatered.
So browse fearlessly, knowing that your whims will be catered to, and also knowing that, in the chance event that you have no whims to be catered to, such whims as deemed necesary by the staff of Physical Educations, namely one John Basil Welch, and such persons duly appointed by previously forementioned "webmaster" as such, will be catered to you by said staff, members of which do retain, reserve, withhold, maintain, and set aside the exclusive right to exact from the "viewer" monetary compensation, in the form of twenty(20) U.S. dollars($), for each whim catered to.Sincerely,