Hair

Sharon Branson

Today was my birthday,

I'm as old as dirt

And there isn't a part of me

That doesn't hurt.

But pain I can deal with,

Now why do you stare?

Oh Lordy, my friend,

It's my awful hair.

It's not as gray

As it could be

But dye it I must

To look forty three.

But money is tight

I've not much to spare,

So I cut corners, sigh,

And dyed my own hair.

The box said the color

Was perfectly fine

But when the time was up

From me came a whine.

Oh no, I'm not brown,

I'm "shoe polish black".

In the hairdresser world

Any brains I do lack

So what do I do

With a halo so dark

The stores are all closed

In the downtown park

I read on the web

That combos would work

Of bleach and shampoo

I'm such a big jerk

A friend of a friend

Said "try shampoo and comet"

By now I'm so sick,

I could nearly vomit.  (sorry)

So 10 shampoos later

I'm lightening some

My scalp is now itching

I need a kick in the bum

Today I went out

To a potluck with friends

No one dared whisper

About my black ends.

So pass me some crow

I'm ready to dine

To my hairdresser I'll go

For my color next time