It started to snow. 

The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our cocktails 

and sat for hours by
the window watching the huge soft flakes 

drift down from heaven. 

 

It looked like a Grandma Moses print. 

So romantic

 we felt like newlyweds again.

 I love snow!

December 9   

We woke to a beautiful blanket 

of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape.

 What a fantastic sight! 

Can there be a more lovely place in
the whole world? 

Moving here was the best idea I've
ever had!  

Shoveled for the first time in years 

and felt like a boy again.

 

 I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.

This afternoon 

the snowplow came along and covered
up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway,

 so I got
to shovel again. 

What a perfect life!

  

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. 

Such a
disappointment! 

My neighbor tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. 

 No s now on
Christmas would be awful! 

Bob says we'll have so much
snow by the end of winter, 

that I'll never want to see
snow again.

 I don't think that's possible. 

Bob is such
a nice man, 

I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow!

 8 inches last night. 

The temperature dropped to -20.  

 

The cold makes everything
sparkle so. 

The wind took my breath away, 

but I warmed
up by shoveling 

the driveway and sidewalks. 

This is the life! 

 

 The snowplow 

came back this afternoon and
buried everything again.

 

 I didn't realize 

I would have to do 

quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back 

in shape this way. 

 

I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast. 

Sold my van 

and bought a 4x4 Blazer. 

 

Bought snow tires 

for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. 

Stocked the freezer. 

The wife wants
a wood stove 

in case 

the electricity goes out. 

I think
that's silly. 

We aren't in Alaska , after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. 

Fell on my ass on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. 

Hurt like hell. 

The wife laughed for an hour,

 which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. 

Roads are too icy to go
anywhere.

 Electricity was off for 5 hours.

 I had to pile the blankets

 on to stay warm. 

 

Nothing to do but
stare at the wife 

and try not to irritate her. 

Guess I should've bought

 a wood stove, 

but won't admit it to her. 

God I hate it when she's right. 

I can't believe
I'm freezing to death

 in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity is back on,

but had another 14 inches of
the damn stuff last night.

 

More shoveling!

Took all day.

The damn snowplow came by twice.  

Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel,

but they said
they're too busy playing hockey.

I think they're
lying.

Called the

only hardware store around

to see about
buying a snow blower

and they're out.

Might have
another shipment in March.

I think they're lying.

Bob says I have to shovel

 or the city will have it done
and bill me.

I think he's lying.

 

December 22

Bob was right

about a white Christmas

because 13 more inches

of the white shit fell today,

and it's so cold,
it probably won't melt

 till  August 20th.

 

Took me 45 minutes
to get all dressed up

to go out to shovel

and then I
had to piss.

By the time I got undressed,

pissed and
dressed again.

I was too tired to shovel.

Tried to
hire Bob

who has a plow on his truck

for the rest of
the winter,

but he says he's too busy.

I think the
asshole is lying.

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today.

And it warmed up to 0.

The wife wanted me to decorate

the front of the house
this morning.

What is she, nuts?!!  

Why didn't she tell me

to do that a month ago?

She says she did

but

I think she's lying.

December 24

6 inches -

Snow packed so hard by snowplow,

I broke the shovel.

Thought I was having a heart attack.

If I ever catch the son of a bitch

who drives that snow plow,

 I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and
beat him to death with my broken shovel.

I know he hides around the corner

 and waits for me to finish
shoveling and then he comes down the street

at a 100 miles an hour

and throws snow all over where

I've just been!

 

Tonight the wife

wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents,

but I was too busy

watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25

Merry f---ing Christmas!

20 more inches of the damn
snow tonight -

Snowed in.

The idea of shoveling

 makes my blood boil.

God, I hate
the snow!

Then the snowplow driver

came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head

with my shovel.

 

The wife says

I have a bad attitude.

 I think

 she's a  freaking idiot.

 

 If I have to watch

"It's A Wonderful Life"

one more time,

I'm going to stuff her

into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in.

 Why the hell

 did I ever move here?

It was all

 HER

idea.

She's really getting on my nerves.

 

December 27

Temperature dropped

to -30

and the pipes froze;

plumber came

after 14 hours

of waiting for him,

he only charged me $1,400

 to replace all my pipes.

 

December 28

Warmed up to above -20.

 Still snowed in.

 

The BITCH

is
driving me

crazy!!!

 

December 29

10 more inches.

 

Bob says

 I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in.

That's the silliest thing I ever
heard.

How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in.

 

 I beat up the snow plow driver,

and now
he is suing me

for a million dollars,

not only for the
beating I gave him,

but also for trying to shove the
broken snow shovel up his ass.

The wife went home to
her mother.

Nine more inches predicted.

 

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the house.

No more
shoveling.

January 8

Feel so good.

I just love

those little white pills
they keep giving me.

Why am I tied to the bed