Mood:
don't askNow Playing: Dreaming of You - Selena
Well where should I begin? I guess I should start off with a little about myself, yes? Okay... so here it goes. I'm a 21 year old gay male. I don't sleep around, go to the clubs or bars. My idea of a good night is not spend in bed with a random guy. I know, I'm pretty boring right? It's really hard for me to "fit in" with the gay scene simply because I hate mostly everything about it. But I guess the question is, what do I want for myself? Where do I want to go in my life? Well I would like to establish a great job, find a guy that I can spend the rest of my life with, get a house, some kids, and live the rest of my not-so-gay life until I die. I personally don't feel that this is too much to ask for, but for some reason... I think it is. Anyway, enough of that. I grew up for 15 years in a small town 45 miles south of Houston. Lake Jackson, Texas... AKA Hell on Earth. When I was 16, my parents got divorced and my Dad moved 20 miles away.. my mom moved to PA. I was given the option to live on my own, or come with one of them. Of course being 16 and finishing school I wanted to live on my own. I moved to Houston, TX and lived there for 4 years. While I was there, I was working as a Front Office Manager for Intercontinental Hotels. Wonderful job. I will say no more. It gave me the opportunity to meet so many incredible people. Everyone from the Packers to Josh Groban to Madonna. I actually had coffee with her after my shift. But I think the best experience of all was meeting a Deputy working off duty as security at the Hotel.. Dennis. We met, spoke, went on a date, and spent the next two years loving every minute together. Like all good things, our relationship came to an end. Also, I forgot to mention... growing up since I was about 10 years old there was someone very special in my life as well, by best friend Brooke. She was like a sister to me. She was the one I would go to anytime I needed someone. She left for Phoenix, AZ about the same time Dennis and I broke up. So... I lose my best friend and my boyfriend soon to be husband as he wanted to marry me. He just didn't know how to keep it in his pants. Being that he cheated on me, I didn't see the point in staying with him for obvious reasons. I lost everything important in my life. Dennis... I could let go of, but not Brooke. I called Brooke and said, "I'm comin' to AZ. See ya in a few days." > I got to Arizona where I lived in Phoenix for almost two years. It was hot, but I loved everything about the city. Brooke was there, some nice people were there. I had a nice home, nice things... life couldn't be better. I soon lost Brooke to the choice of drugs over friendship. Goodbye Brooke. I will never forget you. Moving on... one day at work my friend Cassandra asks me to meet one of her friends that works in sales. We went over to meet him. His name is Eddie. We clicked at once. He was TOTALLY just like me. After hanging out and having fun together, we found out that AbFab was also a mutual interest of ours. On that day he now became Eddie Monsoon and I became Patsy Stone. Those would be our nicknames forever. I really began to love Eddie. He became everything to me. And no, not in a lover boy kind of way, but in a PERSON to PERSON kind of way. The way a BROTHER would love you. Eddie became my new best friend. Phoenix had some good times... but there was something still missing in my life. And then I thought I figured it out. My family. My mother and sister. I only speak to her on the phone once every six months?!! This isnt right. She is not going to be there forever, and I need to be closer to her. So... July 13, 2005 I am on a plane to Harrisburg, PA. This is where I am now. I'm here in PA. You're now up to date on my life. I left everything I had in Phoenix to move here. WHY?!?!?! I hate it here. There is nothing to do. I don't know anyone. My mom lives an hour away, I need to find a job, get my car registered, develop my social circle of friend. I need to start my life over. I'm SO FUCKING TIRED of starting over. I'm ready to quit moving. Settle down, and live my life the way I want to. No more fucking drama. No more changing myself so I can be happy... what the hell was that all about anyway. Just no more. I'm here now. I can't change that. I don't know why I am here, but something brought me here. Something more powerful then I can explain. We'll just have to see what it all means. I know this was long, but hey, you had to catch up on my entire life before you could understand me. So, if you've made it this far... thank you. It means a lot to me. More to come once a day. Check back soon. Eddie, dahling, I miss you and love you so so so much. I hope you're doing ok.
