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• Vagante •
Issue 1
SpikeTV Taught Me Every I Already Knew
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Now onto my main gripe of the day..... I just got done watching/listening to/trying to drown out this show on SpikeTV about getting with and breaking up with women... and just like the 30 million other dating advice shows on TV it's lacking in one thing, actual advice... Just the same old tired shit about how to pick up chicks but with a few different jokes thrown in there but that alone makes it a million times more helpful than the others...

Sarcasm

Basically it was a half hour of advice on how to lie to women.... For example the random question popped up about how many girls this guy has slept with... now that doesn't usually happen with women at a random time, like they were at a bar watching other people dance and all of a sudden the girls like "Oh yeah, I almost totally forgot to ask you the question I ask every single one of the guys who try to pick me up in the first five minutes. How many girls have you boned? Hmmm?" If that question comes out of a girl's mouth its either because A.) You just asked her how many guys she's slept with, B.) you somehow got her to ask that through clever build up questions and innuendos, C.) Everyone already knows that you sleep with a new girl every night and she's just looking for a way out of the conversation, or D.) She caught a nice new VD and would like to know where it came from... Now I'm sure it does and has happened, but its rare if its for none of those reasons.

And here's SpikeTV's clever solution for answering that question....

They say this 30 something guy has had sex with 48 women in his life, now somehow through modern mathematics and spikeTV's stupid little formula the number magnificently goes down to 16... And the girls fine with that because Its enough to know what he's doing but not so much to classify her as another number... So now the girl can't wait to be number 17/49... If you find a girl that is that cool with you having sex with 16 people, chances are she's not going to be much more shocked at the real number... But the thing is that one thing guys don't understand (along with many others) is the intellegence of women... they could find out exactly how many you slept with in less than a day... If you're dating a girl and going out to eat/drink/shop/party/hang out with her other women are gonna see it, and they are gonna tell your lady friend... why? The "I was there first" bragging rights...

24 hours later she knows the name, number, address, dress size, and turn ons of at least 20 other girls that somehow failed to be added to that number you told her about a week back... Granted I never had many successful relationships, and I've been with a huge, mind blowing, grand total of 2 women sexually but it doesn't take much to realize that when women are in love, they know everything they want to know about you....

So tell her the truth, if you've been with 48 women in 30 years then chances are you're not looking for a meaningful relationship, just a meaningful number 49...

But thats the male ego, lie and all will be OK... I'm a guy too, but the difference between me and the other guys is that instead of learning all of this through my video box of knowledge I learned it through a little rare thing called "listening"

Now that the brains of all 3 male readers of my journal have imploded to mush at that bombshell, I'd like to say that I know there are a few guys out there that are like me, they don't need the merry entertainment of an oh-so-common dating advice special with light hearted jokes, half of which the punch line is "Get Laid", to tell them how to meet girls... I'd say 1 of every 3 or 4 guys are unneanderthal enough to realize that listening, theres that word again, is enough....

Case in point, If guys would listen more they wouldn't need the number one dating tip from these specials.... As easy as a 7 year old retar.. mentally handicapped child can point out: "Complimentsh ish fun... geeeeelur *gargle*" That just shows how little faith the 'First Network for Men" has in its target audience... Guys, do you like it when girls say how good you look? yea, feels good huh? guess what, and this is totally gonna freak your beans, girlies likes 'em too.... Its so damn elementary that it shouldn't even be in these types of shows... I personally would like to believe its just a time filler, not actual advice that men should need....

On to the tasty part 2: Breaking Up.... again SpikeTV's advice on 15 minutes of on air programing can be summed up in one word "Lie"..

I'm gonna have to go out on a limb and say neigh...

Guys, and this goes for women as well, If she does something you can't stand so much that you need to end the relationship, tell her the truth.... is she farts in bed and the next day you tell her, "I really love you but, I think we'd be so much better as friends." So the poor girl is gonna go to her next relationship farting up a storm with a guy who she thinks is absolutely perfect and she's gonna get dumped and crush because 'He only wanted to be friends." Had she been told the truth maybe she would have put it together that farting=bad, not farting=good... Either that or find a guy with a flatulence fetish... either way it'll work out better for her because she knows what turns men off....

And lastly, I'm not bashing every guy in the world... there are plenty that want a meaningful relationship, and others just want to get laid and add another number, but since she thinks he loves her, all is OK... Its a game of Emotions exchanged for sex and its sad.... Don't get me wrong, I like 'em sex heap big much, but never would I go out having sex with random girls, girls who are just friends, or anything like that, sure when I see a really good looking girl I'm not gonna lie, the first thing I think of is sex, ever heard of 'Love at first site'? thats what it is based on, sex... but the difference with me and most guys is that they actually want to have sex with them, me on the other hand would rather leave it as a fantasy because 95% of the time fantasy is better than reality... If its passion you want in life and relationships its got to start with a solid emotional foundation and built with physical and emotional bricks.... because with out emotions passion is just sex.... and sex can't build anything worthy of remembering...