Whether you love them, hate them, or are totally indifferent, here's a compilation of everything I consider holy...Have fun kids.
Boyd's Beliefs: If Hitler would have known how stupid blonde haired people were, I doubt he would've chosen that as his 'perfect race.'
Boyd’s Beliefs: Where do they get that thin paper that is used in bibles? And more importantly…why isn’t it used in anything else?
Boyd's Beliefs: Now I don't know if I'm stuck on stupid...but I'm definitely stuck on Ken Johnson.
Boyd's Beliefs: I am an inspiration to all...and to all a Goodnight.
Boyd's Beliefs: I think that there's a good chance that Matthew Broderick is a homosexual.
Boyd's Beliefs: I can't believe I had a boner while hypnotized.
Boyd's Beliefs: I don't think that I'm in total agreement with Australians.
Boyd's Beliefs: Eat 'n Park is an evil institution. She's a seductress, a siren, a virgin…a whore.
Boyd’s Beliefs: I heard that Jesus Christ got the 2001-02 GQ “Fashionable Male of the Year” award.
Boyd's Beliefs: The more I look at people's AOL/AIM profiles, the more I can't stand them.
Boyd's Beliefs: I'd like to thank Coach Truffimuck for making an appearance tonight at Max & Ermas. Because I'll tell you what Truff, I had forgotten all about you.
Boyd's Beliefs: I have to quit smoking.
Boyd's Beliefs: While playing in a church league basketball game today, I noticed that the referees were very biased towards the other team. This is further proving that no part of the Catholic Church is honest.
Boyd's Beliefs: After all these years I finally realized how little of an effect pelicans have on me.
Boyd’s Beliefs: I hear that the new Survivor series is going to take place on the island of “No one gives a shit anymore.”
Boyd's Beliefs: Move it football head.
Boyd's Beliefs: If you or anyone you know has a yeast infection, don't come near me. Please, I beg you.
Boyd's Beliefs: Today in the news it is being said that descendants of slaves want reparations in some form for their ancestors being submitted to slavery. Reparations?? That sounds pretty good actually...How about you wash my clothes, clean my house, make my food, mow my grass...and I'll give you a nice pat on the back. Get a life people.
Boyd's Beliefs: I think it's about time for the Neville Brothers...especially Aaron, to make a comeback.
Boyd's Beliefs: What's the story with the parent that always has to talk to the bus driver for five minutes after his kids get off. I think they are doing it just to annoy the hell out of all the traffic behind the bus.
Boyd's Beliefs: I'd have to say that I'd get on the video game Lara Croft before I'd get on the one from the movie.
Boyd's Beliefs: Next time you go to the beach...look around, and I guarantee there will be a little boy and an really old guy with speedo bikinis on...I don't know why...It's just one of those things I guess.
Boyd's Beliefs: In the future, I can't see myself using the word 'rubric' more than three or four times.
Boyd's Beliefs: It's come to my attention that Mike Tyson has a boxing match on my birthday June 8th...Which is funny because my birthday wish has always been for someone to get arrested on my birthday...looks like my wish can come true now!
Boyd's Beliefs: I don't know about any of you guys...but I'd say that those chicken wings last night were terrific.
Boyd's Beliefs: There's alot of beliefs I could share with you from the past few days...but the one I feel that's most appropriate is...I can't believe that there is an actual guy out there named Mike Hunt.
Boyd's Beliefs: I want to meet that little chink that was bragging about how easy his test was, and he didn't even get on stage. Show your face and learn whom the 'stupid Americans' are now you dirty chink mother fucker.
Boyd's Beliefs: I never thought I'd hear my mom utter the phrase "hook me up, dawg."
Boyd’s Beliefs: There are people out there who just don't realize how hard it is for some people to survive in this world...people that are cold-hearted and take every opportunity to make fun of someone...I don't think that these people provide the right influence to our youth...Oh wait, I am one of those people...Well, who cares.
Boyd's Beliefs: I can't say that I support or enjoy referring to food as...'grub.'
Boyd’s Beliefs: I’d have to say that the term ‘nigger-rigged’ is one of the most under appreciated phrases in the English language.
Boyd's Beliefs: I don't know what the big problem is with people getting to the movie theater on time. I admit, I am often one of the people who come in as the opening credits are rolling. Is it really that hard to leave your house 5 or 10 minutes earlier so you can get there at a reasonable time? I think that there's just something about the movie theater that just makes you want to go at the last possible second.
Boyd's Beliefs: I think it's about high time that the Green Machine and I start round 3...Another epic battle will insue.
Boyd's Bonus Belief: It's a sad day in the music world today, as TLC's Lisa 'Left-eye' Lopes died in a car crash. I just pray to God that she wasn't chasing a waterfall or yelling at a guy hangin out the passenger side of his best friends ride.
Boyd's Beliefs: 'Jurassic Park' is one movie that should have never had a sequel...not to mention two sequels.
Boyd's Beliefs: The release of the film 'Legally Blonde' redefined the nation's opinion towards individuals with blonde hair. It not only revolutionized the film industry in America, but also it has quite possibly set a new standard for the way films are made across the world.
Boyd's Beliefs: Congrats to the fucko who decided to be funny and write a bomb threat today...Sure I am happy we got out early...and I'd imagine you were too...but one thing you won't be too happy about is when you're in jail and the only bomb you have to worry about is some guy's dick going directly into your asshole. Let's see if you'll write a note about that one.
Boyd's Beliefs: The film 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail' could just in fact be those most overrated movie in the history of life as we know it.
Boyd's Beliefs: Why when you're driving on the highway do they have 'Targeted Enforcement Area'?? Shouldn't the whole highway just be one big 'Targeted Enforcement Area'?
Boyd's Beliefs: It has come to my attention that the duo of 'Bone-Saw and Elvis Dude' have redefined the attitude of the average (and higher than average) wrestling fan. Together, they have changed pro wrestling and the entire genre of sports entertainment.
Boyd's Beliefs: Cutting grass in the rain is more fun than I figured it'd be.
Boyd's Beliefs: I bet Jesus Christ was awesome at throwing horse shoes.
Boyd's Beliefs: Starship Troopers is not a quality film, no matter what way you look at it.
Boyd's Beliefs: What is so odd about 'odd jobs'?
Boyd's Beliefs: The force is definitely with Natalie Portman's body.
Boyd's Beliefs: Although faced with strong opposition, The Shocker will stand on high, and not be forced out by a meaningless coup attempt by the suits at Knoch High School. The Shocker has paved the way for the generations of new hand gestures that will shape our future.
Boyd's Beliefs: The day has come that I've been so fearful of for so long. Profiles as a whole, have diminished in quality. While some maintain high standards of excellence, and continue to achieve greatness, the majority is slowly descending into the darkness.
Boyd's Beliefs: I've never been able to understand why they call boats 'clippers.' What exactly are they clipping?? Because I think that if they're clipping something, the boating public should be informed.
Boyd's Beliefs: Regardless of what the critics say, nothing will ever be 'the best thing since sliced bread.'
Boyd's Bonus Belief: I think that the song "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World is a very inspirational song...for pussies.
Boyd's Beliefs: Why can't they just take that extra step and include shampoo/conditioner and body soap in the same bottle.*
*Please note that any type of baby soap is excluded.
Boyd's Beliefs: In no way does the Sci-Fi drama 'Independence Day' come close to the most influential Sci-Fi movie of all-time, 'Plan Nine from Outer Space.'
Boyd's Beliefs: If Al Pacino's character in his new movie Insomnia really needs to get to sleep that bad...he should just sit through a showing of the movie Insomnia.
Boyd's Beliefs: The guy on the cover of this week's Sport's Illustrated resembles John Elway, and I don't like it.
Boyd's Beliefs: I hope I never have to drive behind a person that has "SEEUS GO" or "CBNFEVR" on their license plate again.
Boyd's Beliefs: If I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times...Racial profiling is hilarious.
Boyd's Beliefs: Is it really necessary for the old guys in the steam room to be completely, ass naked?
Boyd's Beliefs: Prior to popular opinion, hitting a deer with your car is in fact fun, and not traumatic.
Boyd's Beliefs: I believe that hating cats is my #1 past time.
Boyd's Beliefs: I think the sound of people licking their fingers after they eat, is one of my least favorite sounds of all-time.
*We've shared some laughs, we've shared some tears, but the first season of Boyd's Beliefs has come to an end. This means that over the next few days, weeks, or months (or basically whenever I feel inspired again), I will be re-posting your favorite (or not so favorite) Boyd's Beliefs. I hope that you stick around in the off-season and catch up on some of the Beliefs you missed. Thank you.
--Casey Boyd
Author of -- Boyd's Beliefs: The Legacy
Boyd's Beliefs: As my Senior year at Knoch High School comes to an end, there are just some things I'd like to say. First off, to my boys, who, without you, this year wouldn't have been so great. Secondly, to all of my ex-girlfriends for being bitches and straightening me out. Thirdly, I'd like to thank all of you assholes that we can't stand. Particularly the ones that believe we actually care about what you do and how you are...we don't...actually, we couldn't give a shit less about any of you. So all of you out there that are real tough people, and always are looking for a fight, I'll be more than happy to let you fight my garbage when you are picking it up in a few years. Thank You.
Boyd's Beliefs: I think it's about time for people in the ghetto to go with the 'preppy, white' look.
Boyd's Beliefs: What's the story on grass making your back itchy as hell when you so much as graze it with your bare-skinned body?
Boyd's Beliefs: I think that the line "You could trouble me for a warm glass of shut the hell up!" is one of the classic lines in film history, and should be publicly considered so.
Boyd's Beliefs: Did you ever notice how there's always one person in every family who always knows what the weather is going to be? It could be 85 degrees, blue sky, and sunny...and they'd say 'Yeaaa got a big storm comin here tonight, just look at it out there, storm's a comin.'
Boyd's Beliefs: No matter what people tell you, the carnival at Saxonburg will forever be an evil institution.
Boyd's Beliefs: If there's one song that I have a severe loathing for...it would have to be 'Pass the Courvoisier - Part II.'
Boyd's Beliefs: Mike Tyson is nothing but a shadow of his former self.
Boyd's Bonus Belief: Old German beer will forever hold a place in my heart.
Boyd's Beliefs: Who plays the harp anymore? I mean honestly.
Boyd's Beliefs: Some things in life are never certain. Like, take for instance I see someone with a prosthetic leg. Now you'd think for sure that I would just haul off and make fun of that person. Well, you're right. I would. I guess some things in life are certain.
Boyd's Beliefs: There's a good chance that spelling the word 'shop' like this: 'shoppe', is one of my least favorite things in life.
Boyd's Beliefs: I'd have to say that the childhood toy 'Mr. Potato Head' is the single most important icon in American history. Aside of course from the Los Angeles Lakers and Pittsburgh Steelers.
Boyd's Beliefs: The saying 'dumber than my ass lint', said by Adam Mcvicker, will go down in history as one of the greatest phrases in American history.
Boyd's Beliefs: One part of the female body that will never cease to make me laugh is definitely the camel toe.
Boyd's Beliefs: Roger Pidactor, from the blockbuster hit 'Ace Ventura: Pet Detective' will go down (literally, go down--cause he was pushed out of a window dumbass) as the greatest homicide victim in the history of who-done-it films.
Boyd's Beliefs: Comeback song of the day: 'My Projects' -- by Coo Coo Cal.
Boyd's Beliefs: I think I'd like to go get tested for AIDS...even though I know I'm negative, then just talk to the people who are HIV positive about the mistakes they've made in life.
Boyd's Beliefs: Vince Vaughn is the future of the wise-cracking funny man in motion pictures.
Boyd's Beliefs: I'm glad that Dinnerbell Road has been worked on lately because it's really improved alot...Except take out the 'improved alot' and enter 'sucks.'
Boyd's Bonus Belief: Mitch Bowser's profile on the day of June 27, 2002; is possibly my favorite profile of all time.
Boyd's Beliefs: When I think about it, I'm actually happy that there are no superheros. Because it seems that every time a superhero pops up, an evil villain comes right along with him...and (aside from Habenicht), who wants an evil villain running around?
Boyd's Beliefs: I'm pretty glad that my house isn't haunted.
Boyd's Beliefs: Congratulations to the Dollymaster today who finally made his bones by doing the impossible. Dollying a refrigerator out of a cramped room and down a step. Congrats Dollymaster.
Boyd's Beliefs: One thing that I think everyone should start appreciating more is the box.
Boyd's Beliefs: Never under-appreciate the use of a dust-mop.
Boyd's Beliefs: I hope that I get to see Tom Bowser a few times this summer.
Boyd's Beliefs: With all the hoopla over Spider-Man during the past month or so, I think we've all forgotten our greatest hero: Teen Wolf.
Boyd's Beliefs: Despite popular belief, I bet Rambo really didn't get too many chicks.
Boyd's Beliefs: I don't get why your nuts have to be in such a vulnerable spot. They couldn't have just put them up in like your ribs, or even pelvis area where there's protection from bones of some type. But just hanging right there with a sign that says 'hit me' on them, its a rough life.
Boyd's Beliefs: Dolly Parton, no one likes your music anymore. And on a side note, no one likes your disgustingly big boobs either.
Boyd's Beliefs: I hope that sometime in the future, I can work with someone who's last name is 'Lehman.'
Boyd's Beliefs: One figure that I would really like to meet is Paul Bunyan's blue ox 'Babe.'
Boyd's Beliefs: I doubt that the United States of America would have come as far as it has without the influence of the childhood game, Jenga.
Boyd's Beliefs: I wonder if the 65 year old lady I saw driving her old car tonight regrets her license plate that reads 'Darling1.'
Boyd's Beliefs: I hope I never hear Bazzani say 'vital organs' ever again.
Boyd's Beliefs: One reason that I'm looking forward to college is so that I can leave my screenname idle for hours at a time, and then get back and see all of the people who said something to me and think I'm ignoring them. It'll be a good time.
Boyd's Beliefs: I noticed today while watching TV that CBS' hit show CSI (Crime Scene Investigation), is coming out with another series called CSI: Miami. I'm a fan of CSI, and probably will be of it's new series, but this type of progressive series was all better the first time I saw it when it was called Law & Order.
Boyd's Beliefs: What's the story on classroom flag-polls always having that sharp, dangerous tip on them?
Boyd's Bonus Belief: I can't believe Mitch said 'membrane' while playing poker.
Boyd's Beliefs: If I hear one more commercial about 'feminine itch' I'll be rather upset.
Boyd's Beliefs: One cartoon I could definitely see making a comback is 'Swamp Thing.'
Boyd's Beliefs: I think they should just start recycling titles of James Bond movies. Who can really remember the names of all those things. Aside from Goldfinger and Octopussy, can you tell me the name of another 007 movie? I don't think so.
Boyd's Beliefs: While sitting in the food court today enjoying a Spicy Chicken Sandwich, I noticed a Japanese couple having lunch. Then I saw a cup from 'Manchu Wok' the local Japanese restaurant in the food court. Now don't you think that if a Japanese couple was here in America, the last thing they would want is some shitty, fake Japanese cooking?
Boyd's Beliefs: Some people just don't understand the beneficial aspects of being a janitor. Take for instance lying. In what other profession can you get away with one big constant lie. Lie to your boss, your co-workers, and then you can even deny lying to them, because they're to fucking stupid to remember anything anyway.
Boyd's Beliefs: I want to know how Uncle Ben has such a good recipe for Chinese noodles.
Boyd's Beliefs: After all these years and all the stuff you've been through...you still ain't nothin but a hound-dog.
Boyd's Beliefs: One of these days, the show Wings is gonna surprise us with a reunion movie.
Boyd's Beliefs: I'm not sure what I would do if it wasn't for those little dixie cups that you use to drink water out of in the bathroom.
Boyd's Beliefs: One bug that I bet you forgot about: Centipedes.
Boyd's Beliefs: My favorite brand of permanent marker is definitely Sharpie.
Boyd's Beliefs: I think that I want to do some sort of sword fighting before I die.
Boyd's Beliefs: Verizon Wireless has revolutionized the game of wireless communications.
Boyd's Beliefs: One drink that I can never get over is V8.
Boyd's Beliefs: After all these years, Ron Jeremy continues to remind me of Habenicht's dad.
Boyd's Beliefs: If the word 'Pockles,' was a real word, i could definitely see me using that alot of the time.
Boyd's Beliefs: I see that the group Nappy Roots is out with a brand new song. I heard it today, and I'll tell ya, it was good, but I liked it way better the first time I heard it when it was called Aw Naw.
Boyd's Beliefs: Where are these painters getting all of these white pants? And furthermore, why would they buy the color of pants that stains the worst? I think they should have one set of pants for each color they are painting with, that would eliminate most of the hassle I'd imagine.
Boyd's Bonus Beliefs: Where do blind guys get those nifty canes?
Boyd's Beliefs: I hope that Ed Rendell defeats Mike Fisher in the election for Governor...because I think Ed Rendell can probably drink alot of beer.
Boyd's Beliefs: I wish that I was more comfortable using the word 'nefarious,' because if I was, I could see myself using it way more.
Boyd's Beliefs: What's going on with that line down the middle of the chalkboard that immediately destroys any piece of chalk that tries to write over it?
Boyd's Beliefs: *Who ever thought to call the male genitals 'manhood' anyway? Yes you're a man...but there certainly isn't any hood involved.
Boyd's Beliefs: Is it really necessary for iodine to be that yellow piss color? Couldn't they just make it a nice blue or red color...anything other really than that color that makes people think you enjoy not showering.
Boyd's Lost Belief: What's with those little pieces of paper around the top of the toothpick?
Boyd's Beliefs: I'm not a fan of girls with heads shaped like peanuts.
Boyd's Beliefs: I have trouble believing that a straw goes into an orange as easy it does on the Tropicana commercials.
Boyd's Beliefs: Why is it whenever girls find an article of makeup that they had misplaced, like in another purse, or in a coat, that they immediately have to try it out and make sure it still works?
Boyd's Beliefs: I don't really appreciate when I walk into the empty bathroom and see a kid heading into a stall, and voluntarily pissing into the shitter.
Boyd's Beliefs: I think if Betsy Ross was still alive, she'd probably have breast cancer.
Boyd's Beliefs: I think that Scotch tape has run it's course with American's.
Boyd's Beliefs: I'm glad I don't know anyone named Dirk.
Boyd's Beliefs: What's with that upside-down triangle that they put on the collar of sweatshirts?
Boyd's Beliefs: Who ever thought of putting that black stuff under their eyes before going to play an outdoor sport?
Boyd's Beliefs: Why the hell does cupid shoot an arrow anyway?
Boyd's Beliefs: Is it really necessary for people to shave their facial hair all over the sink in the bathroom?
Boyd's Beliefs: Next time you're bored, take one of the smile faces from AIM...make it in as large of a font as you can, and proceed to shake your head in astonishment at how shitty they are.
Boyd's Beliefs: The word 'yikes' has no place in this society.
Boyd's Bonus Beliefs: People saying in their away messages that they're studying for finals is getting old real fast.
Boyd's Beliefs: I think we're all sick and tired of Kia commercials.
Boyd's Beliefs: Travette from Walker, Texas Ranger is one of my favorite television characters of all time.
Boyd's Beliefs: Does anyone else find it weird that the show Cheers takes place in Boston but hardly any of them have Boston accents?
Boyd's Beliefs: One thing I hope to never hear anyone say is 'wow that is semen-licious.'
Boyd's Beliefs: Wearing a skirt with jeans underneath it isn't acceptable fashion no matter where you're from.
Boyd's Beliefs: I don't appreciate getting a sarcastic laugh from a kid that looks like Jack Osbourne after remarking that the class we have at 8 am is too damn early.
Boyd's Beliefs: Having a belt loop once every four inches around the waist of a pair of jeans is just too much.
Boyd’s Beliefs: I think a good idea would be to hitch a ride on a train full of hobos and go up to them and ask for their ticket. But then you could all laugh because you’re a hobo too.
Boyd's Beliefs: I haven't thought about watching Oprah in quite a long
time.
Boyd's Beliefs: Sometimes I wonder who invented speakers, but alot of the
times I don't and then just go to sleep.
Boyd's Beliefs: *The new film 'Biker Boyz' was better the first time I saw
it when it was called 'The Fast and Furious.' Oh wait, that movie sucked
too.
*Thank you Andy Rozic for the request.
Boyd's Beliefs: Who ever thought of paper towels anyway?
Boyd's Beliefs: If I ever come upon a street fight, I think a good person
to have on my side would be Jet Li.
Boyd's Beliefs: I hope that the letter S is never outlawed.
Boyd's Beliefs: Referring to people as 'El Capitan' is going to become a
new hobby of mine.
Boyd's Beliefs: I think 'Redi-Whip' has run its course with Americans.
Boyd's Beliefs: If I ever get into a fight with a monster, I just pray that
I have my Capital One No Hassle Card.
Boyd's Beliefs: Matthew McConaughey was better the first time I saw him
when his name was Woody Harrelson.
Boyd's Beliefs: Gonna try something a little different...Today is dedicated
to Niedzielski and his proverbs.
'Guys I'm not feelin so hot, I'm gonna head up to the room.'
'Who's with me!!!!!!'
'Come rapture.'
'I'll take it from here.'
'Boyd where did you buy this?'
'Man my asshole is burning (After one sip of beer). It's gonna be a good
night of drinkin.'
'(Referring to weight as money) That kid couldnt have been more than a buck
thirty-five.'
'That kid was five-foot nothin.'
And the number one Nied proverb of all-time:
After having 3 beers and realizing he will be staying over night...
(On the cell phone) 'Hey mom, we're gonna order a pizza; so I'll be home in
the morning.'
Boyd's Beliefs: I think I speak for America when I express my happiness
that JNCO jeans aren't in style anymore.
Boyd's Beliefs: Where exactly do you go about buying a "Dunce Cap."
Boyd's Beliefs: I'm glad that I don't know anyone with the last name of
Lipschitz.
Boyd's Beliefs: Would someone please kill Gilbert Gottfried?
Boyd's Beliefs: This world would be alot better if the washer and dryer
would come together in one machine.
Boyd's Beliefs: After running it through my head this evening, I decided
that I hate Little Richard with a passion.
Boyd's Beliefs: No question is a bad question. Unless the person you are
asking is deaf.
Boyd's Bonus Belief: Just because 50 Cent has a song that contains the word
'birfday,' doesn't mean everyone is now allowed to refer to their own
birthday as such.
Boyd's Beliefs: What vending machines don't take dollar bills anymore?
Boyd's Beliefs: How can it be that today I got an ad that I was the
845,674th person to a website when yesterday I was the 932,096th?
Boyd's Beliefs: While listening to the Pat Mcgee Band last night during
their opening for The Clarks, I was rather upset over the kid who got a
chance to yell 'Freebird' during a break in the music before I did.
Boyd's Beliefs: VCR's are cool, unless they set your bedspread on fire.
Boyd's Beliefs: Remember when you were a kid and the TV show Mighty Morphin
Power Rangers was on, and amongst friends you would claim to hate it, but
then you'd go home and act as if you were your favorite Ranger?
Boyd's Beliefs: Mr. Rogers, you'll always be my neighbor.
Boyd's Beliefs: Just because it's warm outside, there's no reason for
people to be running and jumping around like assholes. (Even though I am
one of those people.)
Boyd's Beliefs: I don't appreciate the people who are carrying umbrellas on
rainy days and feel no need to move the giant obstacle out of the way as you
are walking past them on a staircase.
Boyd's Beliefs: Why must music conducters always have hair that flops
around?
Boyd's Bonus Belief: After celebrating St. Patricks day in Market Square
earlier, I further realized that Pittsburgh truly is a great city.
Boyd's Beliefs: I'm just about convinced that Method Man and Red Man are
gay.
Boyd's Beliefs (Collaboration): I have a good mind to say that Phillip
Pelusi is definitely not a cut above the rest...If anything they're a cut
below the rest.
Boyd's Beliefs: I don't know how comfortable I am with knowing that the
Enterprise representatives will be picking me up. That'd probably be one
awkward ride.
Boyd's Beliefs: Exfoliate: A word that should abandoned from the English
language.
Boyd's Beliefs: Whatever happened to Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince of
Bel-Air?
Boyd's Beliefs: Sometimes when I trip on the carpet...I just stop and
wonder what it would have been like if there was no carpet there at all.
Boyd's Beliefs: I was shocked to see that the Pitt students went as far as
to riot after the Sweet 16 loss on Thursday night. Lighting a pizza box on
fire in front of Towers is no way to avenge a tough loss.
Boyd's Beliefs: Am I the only one that finds the guy that says 'Hello Moto'
in the commercials creepy?
I know none of you are ever going to mail me your thoughts...