T'was the night before December 27th
when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
not even a louse;
Out on the table
I'd left cookies and beer,
A gift I knew
would lead Pizza Claus here;
The children were hiding
under their beds,
Feeling anticipation
mingled with dread;
And I sat down
with my dog at my side,
to watch the news
and see who had died;
When out on the porch
there came a loud crash,
I sprang from the couch
as quick as a flash;
I hurried to hide
all my jewelry and cash,
'Cause the lunatics were back
like a recurring rash;
When what to my terrified eyes should appear,
but Pizza Claus, Joey Martin and a machine gun quite near;
These drunken hoodlums, they appeared quite insane,
they whistled, they shouted, they called me bad names.
With a snarl on his face and an odor of booze,
Claus led me to think my life I could lose.
They fought quite a lot
for the cookies they got,
And after guzzling the beer,
they made some pizza appear.
Now as shocking as it seems,
when they rushed to the door;
They took none of my treasures
that had been knocked to the floor.
After tripping over my dog,
they gave him a bone;
They fell off of the porch,
and let out a loud groan.
What I witnessed this night
is a sight that's quite rare;
No more will I fear
such a comical pair.
Claus looked at his map,
turned to his sidekick and mumbled;
To the Festiva they stumbled;
How they belched and they grumbled!
Then I heard them exclaim,
as they screeched into the night,
"Happy Pizza Day to all,
and stay out of my sight."
