I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
I need someone real bad...Are you real bad?
BEAUTY is in the eye of the beer holder.
All men are idiots... and I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice):We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Hang up and drive.
God must love stupid people...He made SO many.
I said "NO" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will...I want to be in it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
HONK If You Want To See My Finger
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
Keep honking while I reload.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Who were the testers for Preparations A through G?
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.