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You Know You're A Nurse ;-)

You know you're a nurse if...

1. You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazepam and Compazine.

2. You hope there is a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light.

3. You believe not all patients are annoying...some are dead.

4. Your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.

5. You know the phone numbers of every late nite food delivery place in town by heart.

6. You think pizza, cookies and coke make a balanced meal.

7. You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock.

8. You have wolfed down a sandwich while emptying your bladder.

9. Most everything can seem humorous...eventually.

10. When asked, "What color is the patient's diarrhea?", you show them your shoes.

11. Every time you walk you make a rattling noise because of all the scissors and clamps in your pockets.

12. You can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is dispensing you than he can.

13. You've been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up.

14. You notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse.

15. You think it is acceptable to use "penis" and "vagina" in normal conversation.

16.You carry more gloves on you than a proctologist does.

17. Every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you.

18. You can intubate your friends at parties.

19. You don't get excited about blood loss-unless it's your own.

20. You live by the motto. "To be right is only half the battle, to convince the patient is more difficult".

21. When you get a call telling you the name of your next admit and you can do the care plan before the patient gets to the floor.

22. Your friends drag you to a strip bar after work to loosen you up.
The young lady on stage does a nude spread eagle back bend with pelvic thrusts a foot and a half from your nose. You are not aroused, but you DO think, "I could catheterize that."

23. You've basted your Thanksgiving turkey with a Toomey syringe?

24. Ever told a confused patient your name was that of your co-worker and to HOLLER if they need help.

25. Ever passed on the green stuff at the buffet because you are certain you suctioned it from a patient earlier.

26. Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

27. Your bladder can expand to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank.

28. When checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the answer.

29. You avoid unhealthy looking people in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.

30. You've sworn you're going to have "NO CODE" tattooed on your chest.