Poems...How Do You Deal With Something Like This??

The Dream...

I held you in my arms today, I just missed you so much.
You told me to go ahead and cry.
You said you never meant to leave me, but it was your time to go.
Holding you today, I never wanted to let you go.
“We miss you!” I cried.
You just said, ”I know.”
I love you and I’ll never let your memory go.

Already Gone...

I held you hand.
I touched your shoulder.
I ran my fingers over your hair.
I kissed your lips.
I let my tears fall.
I cried you name.
I felt so much pain.
I told you how much I loved you.
I kept wishing you could say the same, but you were already gone.

Prayers

I was angry with God for taking you away from me, but I realized that I was being selfish.
I told God that I didn’t care what happened to me, I just wanted you to be happy.
I guess that some times prayers are not always answered the way we expected.

The Anger Hasn't Faded

The anger hasn’t faded.
I still hate the guy who killed you.
I will always hate him.
People keep telling me that I have to forgive him.
He served his time.
He was sorry for what he did.
So what!
My brother is dead, He will never come back.
The guy who killed Ronnie is working, raising a family, and spending time with his friends.
I spend time at a grave, looking at pictures, and telling my husband and stepdaughter about my brother.
My family is serving a life sentence without my brother.
The guy who killed him served three years.
Three years for killing another human being.
A human being with family, friends and a bright future.
No my anger hasn’t faded over the years.
It never will because I’m still serving my life sentence.

I Thought You Knew

I never told you how much I cared, I thought you knew,
I never told you how much I loved you, I thought you knew.
I never told you how proud I was of you, I thought you knew.
I never told you how much I needed you, I thought you knew.
There are so many things I wanted to say to you. Things I should have told you. I just didn’t have enough time. I need to hear how much you cared, how much you loved me, how proud you are of me, and how much you needed me.

I never should have thought you knew. I should have told you.

The Years Have Passed...

The years have passed and all the friends are gone.
I still feel all the pain.
I fell in love and got married, but you weren’t there.
There was an empty space where you should have been.
My best man was missing.
It was a day of extreme emotions.
I married the man I love, but my brother, my best friend, was not there.
Why did you have to go?
We were supposed to be in each other's weddings.
We were supposed to raise our children together.
I have a husband and stepdaughter who don’t know you, who don’t know the person who helped make me the person I am today.
You are missed very much by so many people.
I just wished you were here with me.

You Ask Me Why?

You ask me why I wear a key around my neck?
I tell you it was my brother’s a drunk driver killed him.
You just stare at me hoping someone else will talk to you.
Why do you ask me if you didn’t really want to know?
No, it’s not a freakin’ fashion statement.
It keeps me connected to my brother.
My big brother, the guy I love with all my heart.
Why do you ask me questions you don’t want me to honestly answer?
You want an answer that’s short and sweet.
Did I ruin your day by saying my brother was killed?
Do you even care that I am in pain?
Well, I am in pain.
My hearts been broken.
Are you thinking, “Thank God it didn’t happen to someone I loved?”
Do you think I never wished it hadn’t happened to someone I loved?
Why even ask questions?
Were you just being polite?
If you are just going to stare at me then get out of my face.
Who do you think you are?
You don’t even care because when I answered you, you never looked at me.
Yeah, just look away like somehow I’ll just disappear.
Get away from me.

I don’t want your pity.

My life will go on.

I have to go on.

And it will be even better...

When you quit asking questions that you really don’t want answered.

You Think You Know Me?

You think you know me, but do you really?
You may know my face but do you know my heart?
Do you ever wonder what’s behind my eyes?
Eyes filled with pain.
Eyes filled with jealousy.
Jealousy over every brother and sister,
I'm jealous of every brother and sister together on this earth.
An earth filled with pain and sorrow.
Pain and sorrow over every parent, grandparent, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, loved one who’s been killed or murdered by a lunatic.
A lunatic we didn’t know.
Anger?
Yeah, I have anger inside of me.
I'm angry with the people who saw the smile on my face and believed that I was okay.
I’m not...you know, okay that is.
My heart’s been broken.
But you were too busy looking at the color of my eyes to see the pain.
So, you think you know me now?
You were too busy talking to hear what I had to say.
Were you afraid of what I would say?
I hate you!
You and every person like you, who tell me you care and then turn your back on me.
You go on living your pathetic little life while I sit here in the corner dying because I lost everything I was living for.
Where were you?
Where were you when my brother died?
Where were you when my best friend was snatched from this earth?
Probably in your nice cozy bed in your safe little house, while I was in a hospital, saying goodbye to the only person who ever looked past my hazel eyes and forced smile and saw who I really was inside and still loved me.
You say you want to know me?
Well, it’s too late.
You never wanted to know me anyhow, you just felt sorry for me.
No don’t feel sorry for me, I can see past the lies.
I looked beyond your eyes and into your heart.
Don’t feel sorry for me because you’re the sorry one.
Your heart was frozen.

You don’t know me!

The Mother and the Monster

Once upon a time there was a mother. This was not your ordinary run of the mill, mothers. She wanted, and wished and most of all prayed for the best for her children. She went in debt for them, would give them the last of the food. And fought battles for them.

But try as she might the world prevailed. Her armor was all rusted and dented. And she was tired from trying to fight so many “monsters.”

She thought “her” children would somehow be “protected” from the world, but try as she might. This could not be.

Her beautiful son was “slain” by an unmerciful monster. “He” came from out of nowhere! And in his “armored car” crashed into her beautiful son. But her son was brave, he tried within his powers to escape this “hideous creature”, but this was not to be. The monster was “loaded” with plenty of “ammunition!” So he ended her beautiful son’s life!

But did this mother give up? No! She had a daughter, just as beautiful as her son. And she would do battle with this “monster” no matter what the cost! No one would get to her beautiful daughter without first going through her!

But the beautiful daughter didn’t want this mother to save her! This mother couldn’t save the beautiful son, and she was certain she could not save her.

But the mother wouldn’t and couldn’t just give up. No, she would continue to try to stop this “creature” from taking her daughter. And she was willing to give her life trying! BECAUSE THE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER WAS WORTH FIGHTING FOR!

My mom, Janie McConnell, wrote this poem to me in memory of my brother killed by the “monster”

In Memory Of Ronald Lee Burk

Born On December 22, 1972...

Killed By A Drunk Driver on October 14, 1995.

Missed Very Much By His Little Sister, Angela.