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Sjöberg Not Named To Bush Cabinet

Artificial Press Wire
3 January 2001

WASHINGTON - The Bush administration will begin its term without Brunching Party candidate Lore Fitzgerald Sjöberg. With his selection of Norm Mieta as Commerce Secretary, President-Elect George W. Bush ended Sjöberg's hopes of claiming a cabinet post as a consolation prize.

"We're disappointed, of course," said Lore 2000 campaign manager Lord Smack.

"Bush has been talking about how he wants to work in a bipartisan fashion. But by ignoring Lore, he is essentially giving a big 'screw you' to the two dozen Americans who voted for Lore," Smack said.

Speaking from his North Carolina apartment, Sjöberg promised not to give up the fight for the issues he has long championed in the private sector from his website, The Brunching Shuttlecocks.

"What does Bush have to say about the issues we care about: Boo Berry deregulation, umlaut-profiling, and engaging the nation in a serious dialogue about the Decepticons?" Sjöberg asked.

He added, "Eventually I might actually put together that interactive web toy to determine the Brunching Party platform, so we'll know what my constituency really cares about."

Though Sjöberg and Smack have both publically thrown in the towel on an immediate Cabinet post for Lore, VP nominee David Neilsen saw a glimmer of hope in the expected bitter fight over the confirmation of Bush's selection for Attorney General, deeply conservative Missouri Senator John Ashcroft.

"Lore could be a compromise candidate if the Senate can't decide on Ashcroft," Neilsen said.

Neilsen says he has contacted several Senators already about the possibility. He claims to have gotten two hang-ups, four questions about his mental health, and one "hearty guffaw."

Neilsen was hand-coloring bumper stickers for he effort: "Lore for Atty. Gen.: At Least He Didn't Lose To A Dead Guy."