Lore: I Concede
Bush: Who are you?
Artificial Press Wire
11 November 2000
AUSTIN - Brunching Party presidential candidate Lore Fitzgerald Sjöberg called Texas Governor George W. Bush to concede the race yesterday, but was unable to make Bush understand what he meant.
Sjöberg later failed to concede to Democrat Al Gore, because the Vice President was unavailable to talk.
"Well, I guess I'm still in the race, then," Sjöberg said, after being foiled in his attempts to give up in favor of the major party candidates.
Though the outcome of the election remains uncertain, hinging on a recount of the vote in Florida, the Lore 2000 campaign could see no scenario in which Sjöberg could garner enough of the undecided electoral votes to capture the White House. So, at the urging of campaign manager Lord Smack, he began to call the frontrunners to congratulate them.
Bush received the call as he was preparing to make a public statement from the Governor's mansion.
After answering, Bush turned to running mate Dick Cheney and said, "He says he's Lore Sjöberg. Who is this [expletive]?," referring to a bodily orifice.
Bush claims he was unaware that his microphone had already been turned on for his address. "I would never, ever, say that word in public," he said later.
According to Bush campaign manager Karl Rove, Bush eventually decided the call was a prank and went on to make his speech, in which he expressed optimism that the Florida recount would go in his favor.
Sjöberg had previously been able to concede to Reform Party nominee Pat Buchanan.
Buchanan says he does not remember the call specifically. "I've been getting so many calls from weirdo third-party candidates lately, he may have been in there somewhere," Buchanan said.
Despite the dismal outlook of his 2000 campaign, Sjöberg remains optimistic about he Brunching Party's future.
"I think we ran a good campaign. We didn't cave in to the special interests that would have paid for things like actually going out to meet voters and distributing campaign buttons. And we didn't resort to negative smear tactics like 'Al Bore' and that idiot Bush."
Lord Smack says that nearly half of the Lore 2000 campaign war chest remains, and it will be put toward a 2004 run.
"We've got nearly $3.50 here, plus a few Aussie dollars I brought back from my trip to Sydney," Lord Smack said. "If the exchange rate goes up, they could be worth upwards of 50 American cents."
Sjöberg and Lord Smack also raised the possibility of fielding a Congressional candidate in 2002.
The Brunching Party may nominate the late Lassie XVII for a run in North Carolina.
"I mean, if Mel Carnahan can win when he's dead, we might as well give it a shot. And everybody loves Lassie. Remember that time when she saved Timmy from falling down that well?" said 2000 VP nominee David Neilsen.
"If we keep trying, we may win the presidency by the time Lore is old enough to legally accept the position," Lord Smack said.