This page deals with a very serious subject, one that most christians would prefer to ignore or look away from. Unfortunately it is an issue that is as prevalent in the church as it is in the world.
Emotional and Economic Attacks*Destructive Criticism/Verbal Abuse: Name-calling; mocking; accusing; blaming; yelling; swearing; making humiliating remarks or gestures.
*Pressure Tactics: Rushing you to make decisions through "guilt-tripping" and other forms of intimidation; sulking; threatening to withhold money; manipulating the children; telling you what to do.
*Abusing Authority: Always claiming to be right (insisting statements are "the truth"); telling you what to do; making big decisions; using "logic."
*Disrespect: Interrupting; changing topics; not listening or responding; twisting your words; putting you down in front of other people; saying bad things about your friends and family.
*Abusing Trust: Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous.
*Breaking Promises: Not following through on agreements; not taking a fair share of responsibility; refusing to help with child care or housework.
*Emotional Withholding: Not expressing feelings; not giving support, attention, or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights, or opinions.
*Minimizing, Denying & Blaming: Making Light of behavior and not taking your concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying you caused it.
*Economic Control: Interfering with your work or not letting you work; refusing to give you or taking your money; taking your car keys or otherwise preventing you from using the car; threatening to report you to welfare or other social service agencies.
* Self-Destructive Behavior: Abusing drugs or alcohol; threatening suicide or other forms of self-harm; deliberately saying or doing things that will have negative consequences (e.g., telling off the boss)..
* Isolation: Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives; monitoring phone calls; telling you where you can and cannot go..
* Harassment: Making uninvited visits or calls; following you; checking up on you; embarrassing you in public; refusing to leave when asked..
Acts of Violence
* Intimidation: Making angry or threatening gestures; use of physical size to intimidate; standing in doorway during arguments; out shouting you; driving recklessly..
* Destruction: Destroying your possessions (e.g., furniture); punching walls; throwing and/or breaking things..
* Threats: Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others..
* Sexual Violence: Degrading treatment based on your sex or sexual orientation; using force or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts..
* Physical Violence: Being violent to you, your children, household pets or others; Slapping; punching; grabbing; kicking; choking; pushing; biting; burning; stabbing; shoots; etc..
* Weapons: Use of weapons, keeping weapons around which frighten you; threatening or attempting to kill you or those you love..
We are not a professional counseling ministry and do not represent ourselves as such, but we can offer an ear, support and prayer...Please do not consider this support as a substitute for professional counsel. You must seek help!
National Coalition Against Domestic violence Men Against Domestic Violence Children Are Worth Saving Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence Husband Battering Domestic Violence Hurts Everyone Domestic Violence/The facts Emotional Abuse Educating Against Domestic Violence Online State by State Agencies Domestic Violence Handbook Elder Abuse Prevention Victims Services Legal Aid for Seniors
Domestic violence in the church is a very hard issue to deal with. Often times pastors and others within the church leadership are not prepared to deal with this issue. Their hearts may be in the right place, but often times give advice that puts the abused deeper in physical and emotional danger.
There is also the chance that the problem will not be given the attention it should. Domestic violence tends to be a taboo subject in many churches. There is a humiliation and shame that is with a christian man or woman that is battered. Feelings that they have failed in the marriage or even God, and perhaps even God's word is used to batter them. They ask themselves why God will not hear and answer their prayers for restoration and deliverance. Some victims are too ashamed to bring it to the church.
There is also misinterpretation of God's word by church leaders, and instead of helping the family, it starts a new war of bitterness that the church itself is pulled in to. The victim may feel pressured to stay with the abuser. Feeling that if they leave, they will fail God even more. There may be a mindset that the marriage has to be kept in tact at all cost.Children involved often times grow up feeling that the church failed to help their family at a time when they needed help the most.
It is very important that church leaders educate themselves in this area. While applying God's precious word, they must assure the safety of the victim..