“Be courteous to others. Please shut off all pagers and cell phones before the movie starts. Please refrain from talking. Thank you.”

Has anyone ever noticed that disclaimer before a movie? I sometimes wonder if people are blind to it or are just that damn disrespectful, because one of the things that gets my goat more than anything are people who draw attention to themselves during a movie.

Trying to go to the theater today to enjoy a movie is like trying to beat Tiger Woods in a round of golf. Now I don’t mean to get off on a rant here, but it seems that time and time again, I’m constantly being surrounded by ignorant people who feel that the $7.50 they shelled out for the ticket, entitles them to cheer, yell, socialize, talk on their cell phone, and pamper their baby, all while everyone else is trying to stay in focus.

The funny thing, depending on how you view it, is that these stupid SOBs usually end up sitting next to or right near me. How this happens is beyond me. Whether I’m the first person in the theater or the last one, I always seem to be near someone who wants to be nominated for the best actor Oscar, not the person on the screen.

I can still envision being at “Star Wars: Phantom Menace” with my buddy Tom when the posse next to me decided to field phone calls from the cell they never shut off. After they passed their social status symbol around a couple times, and Tom’s blood pressure rose faster than a light saber being equipped for battle, the young lady in the group exclaimed, “let me call my girl!” After another minute of chatter, they finally put their toy away and sat quietly for duration of the film. Lucky for them too, because Tom was about to start doing his best old school Fonzie imitation by yelling, “Who can stop the path of Misnik?”

Another cell phone filled film was “Traffic,” where it was harder to tell whose phones were ringing more: the drug dealers or the people in the audience. Then again, this is Northeast Philly we’re talking about here.

One of the most heinous acts of disrespectful movie attendance occurred during “Hannibal.” Can you believe that a couple had the audacity to bring a baby into the theater? No, they weren’t sitting next to me, but they were down the row and EVERYONE could hear that freakin’ baby screaming it’s head off. Did the parents get up and leave with the child so everyone could become re-enraptured into Hannibal Lecter’s diabolical plotting, masterful mind manipulation, fits of feasting and cannibalism? Of course not! They sat there with the child for a few minutes till it stopped, and then started up again. Did they leave then? Of course not! If it were any other movie I may have said something, but because I was trying to keep focused, I opted to stay quiet…unlike the demon spawn.

While viewing “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” a subtitled movie nominated for the best movie Oscar, for all those who have been living under a rock, a punk ass kid in the back felt the need to make his presence known. During one of the fight scenes (which were some of the best I’ve ever seen), this lummox began yelling stuff and making noises, which prompted “The Mulletted Madman” Rich Lee to share some words of wisdom, quieting the wretch for the duration of the film.

If I were to sit here and talk about every instance a selfish loggerhead decided to interrupt my viewing pleasure, this edition of Philosophizing with “The Franchise” would look like the Starr Report, except without the sexual references to cigars. I don’t feel that I’m asking for anything monumental and earth shattering. I don’t think my asking you to follow the two commandments of movie going ranks up there with quitting smoking and going on a diet, but please people, have some consideration. I think movie theaters should start paying their minimum wage earning monkeys a few cents more and have them toss people who can’t act civilized during a movie. Then again that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.