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All things happen so quickly yet no one even takes the time to see where we are all headed. And as I opened the door to my parents crisp green explorer,I looked at my grandfather's trailer that has sat in the same place since I was born. Up on the hill where our family reunions are held there is a domestic graveyard, which now is the site of a grave for my grandpap. I am indifferent with emotion although I don't know why. I've seen many relatives with tear-stained faces and feel as though I too should be pouring my soul out with tears. I am sitting on his couch now staring into old pictures searching for the companionship in his young eyes that I have not seen since I was ten. Remembering childhood trips to his house where he would offer me rock candy from the same familiuar sunset red container. My father is much like my grandfather, they are workers at heart, always ready to start a new project. It was odd seeing him slowing down, growing old. It wasn't until three years ago that his body started to let go and his smoker's cough got louder. The last few months of his life his children took turns staying with him. The day of his death he had a fell to the floor where he layed for four hours. I can not imagine being in his position neither do I want to live long enough to know.
After the funeral was over my anuts and uncles all gathered at his house to set apart his belongings. He didn't leave a will for these things so no one knew who got what. Finnaly they decided to auction them off and I can visually see how painful that is going to be on everyone. The hardest part of this has been seeing my father cry. He has tried hard to keep his father alive yet now he is gone and a peice of my father will be with him. The only thing I can do is tell my father our papy will forever live on in our memories. His grave during reunions will be a constant reminder that the loss in our family is forever. On the grave imprinted is "Going Home..." atleast we can all have faith that we soon will be going home with him...

Apirl 29 2001