Phonics' Corner

Posted by Adam

It's time to play America's favorite trendy game, The Six Degrees of Phonics. Ready? Here we go:

Phonics to Motley Crue

1) Phonics

2) Phonics drinks Molson Ice

3) Which is made in Canada

4) Which is where Baywatch star Pamela Anderson was born

5) Who married the abusive Tommy Lee

6) Who is the drummer for Motley Crue!

Wasn't that simply the most fun you've had all week? No? Me either. Well, he's the real post I suppose.

You know how black folks are always complaining that white people have too many sterotypes of them? How they never get a fair shot because of "the media's portrayal of the black man?" Well, I'm here to say, that They bring it on themselves. *Gasp* Did I just say that? Yep. I sure did. I'll say it again. I'll say it a million times. Here is just one example of what I am talking about.

I know what you're thinking. Haha, just a coincidence. Well my friends in response to that I present you with exhibit 2.

And last but not least, I can't forget the whole "gangsta" image that so many are sporting these days. Sporting pants that hang around their thighs, large gold chains, dark sunglasses, and dew rags or bandanas on their heads, these hoodlums think that they are the "shiznit" and are also under the misconception that they own the streets.

That's right. Misconception. Too big of a word for you? They're mistaken. How's that? Who really owns the streets? You, me and most especially....

The Police

Posted by Adam

Landlords. Parents. Resident Advisors. Just who the fuck do they think they are? Just because they have a small bit of power over you, they act like Nazis and try to suck every last breath of freedom from your bodies. I've had it up to here with rules and regulations. There are less rules in the bible for Christ's sake. Well that's it. Join me in the good fight to do whatever the hell we want.

Do you have any musical equipment in your home? What's that you say? You don't know how to play? Even better. Take out that old guitar and amp, that half broken drum set, and that trumpet. Now play. LOUD. Volume is the key to annoyance my friends.

Now I know what you're thinking. What good will this do? How will it secure me more rights? Well, it probably won't. But it'll make you feel better knowing that you pissed somebody with some authority off.

Speaking of rebellion and such, why don't those damn Palestinians and Israelis just stop fighting already. I'm tired of hearing about it, and we're gonna get dragged into a damn war. Take a gander at this little piece of propaganda.

Oh, the Palestinians are so innocent. They should be glad that we aren't involved. Instead of assault rifles, we'd be coming after them with these babies.

M1 Abrams. How sweet it is.

*Note: This page and it's owners do not condone the killing of towelheads, camel jockeys or dune coons. Or anyone else for that matter.

Posted by Ballgrease of Uconn

So here I am in my dorm room, scouring this world wide web of ours for delicious Christina Aguilera pictures when what interrupts my jerk—er, I mean search? That’s right men, pictures of a fat chick. Fat chicks. Man, what I wouldn’t give to rid the world of fat chicks. They walk around taking up some sorely needed space in this crowded planet of ours, eat enough food to feed a throng of Ethiopians, and they breathe up all my oxygen.

They’re always the only ones courageous enough to approach me at a bar, and disrupt my futile attempts to get my “fuck on” with some hot chicks. They’re all over the place! Turn on Springer, and a herd of mammoth woman are prancing around in thongs and garters acting as if they don’t see the nastiness in lard spilling out of every crease of their foresaken bodies.

I never understand some men’s philosophy behind screwing an overweight beast. Some live and die by the theory that when the lights are out, a pussy is a pussy, but I can’t understand this logic. Maybe it’s because I’d rather have a 110 pound broad sit on my face than a 300 pound goliath who’s junk reeks of curdled milk because she hasn’t been able to give it a thorough cleaning without the assistance of a crane. At this point in my life I can ill- afford to fracture this gorgeous mug because some big girl wants to play pony on my chin.

Still, some concede that fat chicks are like mopeds— that is, fun to ride until your friends catch you—but I will never buy into this theory. No matter how desperate I may become in the future, I will always have my standards. And so should every other god- fearing man on this planet. If we all have the insolence to say no to a fat chick, perhaps this worldwide problem will subside. Girls everywhere will begin frequenting health spas, whilst men resume their duties of sitting back, cracking open a brewski, and eating ourselves to a heart attack on a Sunday afternoon. So heed my words Mr. Chubbychaser: next time you put on the ol’ beer goggles and venture off looking for some prime lay, think of poor old me. Because if it weren’t for fucks like you, there wouldn’t be no fat chicks. Now back to my quest for smut.

Posted by Lothar of the hill people

Children. No matter where you go, you see them throwing tantrums. In this day in age, you can't even spank a child without people shouting child abuse. Face it: Parenting is difficult. Well even though I don't have kids myself, I'd like to help out all those frustrated parents with little bratty children.

That's why I am working hard with experts to develop the best child discipline system to ever grace this planet. I like to call this system The Punisher. No, The Punisher has nothing to do with that comic book hero. Rather, it has been developed and tested for years with the countries leading scientists and psychologists in the childcare field. I know that you're excited, so let's get on with the explanation.

Finally, there is a way to punish your child and make sure that they obey you. Whenever your child begins acting up, simply take out The Punisher and fire a few rounds into the air. That should show the child that you mean business, and stop the misbehaving almost instantly. If the child continues to act up, a well placed round in the arm or leg should stop the tantrum. Never in any instance point The Punisher at any key organs, such as the head, heart, or genitals.

The Punisher is available in several models. This little baby produced by Glock seems to be the most popular among those parents with one or two children.

If you'd like something a little more "showy", perhaps this model would suit your needs.

Finally, if you have several children, or run a daycare, this M-16 A2 would more than prove to be reliable.

No matter what model you select, The Punisher is 100% guarenteed to solve all your child behavior problems.