Sunday, November 12th 2000
You just don't mess with a man's salad
I had a hangover today, so I'm a wee bit late posting. Phonics
spent that day quietly playing with his toys and sleeping. That was a nice
treat. Only nine days until Thanksgving break.
There's a little dancing turkey to hold you over for now.
Sorry turkey, I hate fish. You're gonna die.
Saturday, November 11th 2000
Never said anything to hurt you; it's what I didn't say that made you cry
-New Section: Interviews-
I never dreamed that you'd leave me. Now I'm afraid to close
my eyes.
I really like to play my guitar. Playing songs is fun and all, but I really
like just cranking the amp and playing random power chords. The girls
upstairs don't enjoy that at all. They yell and stomp on the floor. In
return, I yell "Thanks for the support and encouragement." Then I start
playing again. Sometimes, I like to take two minute breaks to make them
think that I'm all done playing. Nope, not me. My jam session will last
another 45 minutes, hahahahaha.
Some people asked for more pictures of phonics, so I decided to provide
some. Here is one of phonics typing up some ideas for the web page. Once
I tried making him write one of my term papers. All I got was a page of
"m0nkey hate tpye" and "342whfhdishidfhid". The second I still don't understand
to this day.
Friday, November 10th 2000
Ditched my lecture to watch the girls play soccer
What's up people? Well I'm not really brewing with
creativity, and I'm working on a new section in a little bit, so I'll keep
this short. Here's a little something for you Phonics fans.
And I'd just like to jump on the political bandwagon by posting this.
Note to the females...Thanks for the emails, keep them coming. I may post
one or two of the best ones, so get creative!
Thurday, November 9th 2000
Tastes like....burning
Yeah, I know I didn't update yesterday. Sue me. Go ahead,
all you'll win is a lovely Corona key chain. My excuse? Well, I went to
the rifle range with Bill, Steve, and Roy. That's why I still can't hear
clearly out of my left ear. Damn ringing noise. Want some advice? When
shooting heavy weaponry, in this case an Ak-47, wear ear plugs.
I'd like to thank Carl for making a special guest appearance.
Hurry up and order one of these signs...It's guarenteed to get you some.
Tuesday, November 7th 2000
It's everywhere you are
I heard a pretty good joke today. Want to hear it? No? Well
fuck you, I'm telling it anyway.
Q: What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
A: Full.
I've been chasin girls, I've been drinking beer, and all I have to show
for it is this black eye and a hangover. What can I say? She had a good
right cross. I wasn't a jerk or disrespectful. All I did was give a cheesy
line. "If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"
That's all for now, and remember kiddies:
Monday, November 6th 2000
Stuck in a combat zone
-Updated Adventures-
No big update today, because I'm a prisoner of school work.
I really hate Mondays. Well, not Monday itself, but all the crap that
I have to do on Mondays. It's ri-god-damn-diculous.
Look everyone, it's Lenny!
Sunday, November 5th 2000
Get drunk and pass out on the floor
Jumangi! Where the fuck did that come from? Weird. Anyway,
on with the show. I went to Pep Boys the other day to get somethings for
my car. The girl working the register was about 17 years old I'm guessing
and she was entirely too happy to be working on a Saturday morning. She
kept trying to initiate conversations with the customers in her line that
obviously weren't in the mood to talk. "Christ" I thought. "Please don't
let her start talking to me." All I wanted to do was get my things and
leave. That's it. No one needed to get hurt. But she had to open up that
big ole' flapper of hers. "Oh wow, I love this scent of air freshener,
tee hee." "Fuck you" I said. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. She
looked like I had socked her in her gut. I smiled.
Saturday, November 4th 2000
Show me the way
There is so much to say and yet there aren't words to say
it in. The people that know will understand.
Whoa to you oh Earth and Sea
For the devil sends the beast with wrath because he knows the time is short
Let him who have understanding reckon the number of the beast
For it is a human number
It's number....is Six hundred and sixty six
Friday, November 3rd 2000 Nature's candy
-Updated Ramblings-
Pickles. Is there anything more satisfying then biting into a big, cold, crunchy,
pickle? I should say not. Pickles are not just for cookouts any longer. The pickle of the new
century should be enjoyed at any time.
I read recently that athletes in the NFL are now drinking pickle juice before games because
somehow it prevents cramping. It's true, it's true. Don't believe me? Well, here's the
proof. So if you want to be an
NFL superstar, start drinking your pickle juice. Don't let the pickles go to waste however...eat
them too.
Pickles are the way of the future my friend. The lines of battle are drawn. Join the side of good.
Join the side that will be victorious. Join the side of the pickle. We have a secret weapon so
there is no chance that pickle haters will win. That secret weapon is.... Pickleman!
Thursday, November 2nd 2000 Today was a very scary day
My day actually began at about 1am when the bus I was on came to an abrupt halt.
I wide-shouldered individual dressed in camouflage entered the bus and calmly spoke to all
aboard. "Gentlemen welcome to Paris Island. When I give the command, you will all rise
from your seat, and get the fuck off of my bus. Now move." "This is your bus?" I thought.
I got up, grabbed my bag and hopped off the bus where I encountered several more individuals
dressed in camouflage who were screaming at all of us to follow the yellow footprints and get
in line single file. After being issued gear and getting our afros buzzed, we were sent to
bed for 3 hours.
We were woken up at 5am and told that our drill instructors allowed us to sleep in because they
felt sorry for our poor tired asses. That's what I love about the United States Military. They
have such compassion for the individuals. My platoon was introduced to our instructor who is
pictured below. "Sweet Josephine" I thought. This is going to be a walk in the park. One of the
recruits called her baby when she asked him a question. She kicked him in the nuts. Every single
man in my platoon cringed. We shared private Gomez's pain.
After the basic drilling techniques, we were gathered together to be given a "pep talk" by the
Major. Basically, he told us that we were going to be a combat unit, and many of us would die. I
didn't like the sound of this.
Throughout all this, I became close with another recruit named
Jimmy Banditos. We had became friends and I just knew that we'd get through this hell together.
Finally it was time for chow. We all hurried over to the mess hall expecting a decent warm meal
to raise our spirits. What we got wasn't fit for dogs. They called it "S.O.S." which stands for
Shit On a Shingle. It consisted of a piece of white bread, with some sort of meat product covered
in gravy on top. Our spirits were crushed. John Bateman asked where his apple pie was for dessert.
We didn't see Johhny after that.
After chow we were taken to the firing range and Drill Instructor Braun gave us a demonstration
of the weapons we'd be using. Then he told my buddy Jimmy to jog down the line a hundred yards.
Instructor Braun turned back to us and told us that we'd have to learn markmanship. He then quickly
turned and fired a shot hitting Jimmy in the chest. Holy crap. This place is for real. Mommy, I'm
scared.
Wednesday, November 1st 2000 Nicceh day outsy, eh?
Italian pizza men are the best. I like to just sit there and bullshit with them for long periods of time. Their accents are just so entertaining. Case in point:
Tony: Ehhhhh itsa Adam! Howsa you dooin pizan?
Me: Hey Tony, I'm good, how about you? Can I get a large pie?
Thatsa good. We getsa ya a nice pie fo you and ya familia, eh? Howsa you mudder, eh?
She's good. How's your wife and kids doing?
Ohhh theysa not so good. That woman isa drivin me outta ma mind. And the kidsa, allsa they do is complain.
How can you not laugh at that? I mean come on...it's funny!
Here's some usless pizza facts:
- Americans eat approximately 100 acres of pizza each day, or 350 slices per second.
- Pizza is a $30 billion per year industry.
- There are approximately 61,269 pizzerias in the United States.
- Approximately 3 billion pizzas are sold in the U.S. each year.
- Pepperoni is America's favorite topping.
Thatsa enuffa that fo today, sahhright? Sahhright.
Tuesday, October 31th 2000 A special public service announcement
-Updated Ramblings-
This very special public service announcement is brought to you by your local police department and your local Black Panther office.
Don't be stupid. I hate you, the police hate you, and the Black Panthers hate you. There's probably some others too.
Tuesday, October 31th 2000 I'm forever yours, faithfully
Happy Halloween to all you kiddies out there. I got a question last night from Tom. Tom asks "Do you update your webpage everyday? Are there people who are regular visitors?" Well Tom, the answer to both questions is yes. Thanks for your question. Fellas his mom is hot so you can email him and tell him that she's a M.I.L.F. Who knows maybe he can hook you up on a date.
I found this awesome page dedicated to punk bands and music. You should check it out right away!
That's all for now, check back later this evening for another update.
Monday, October 30th 2000 ~ I am your state of mind ~
A ha! The day is mine! You don't even know how long it took me to log into this today. What a pain in the ass. Well I'm glad that I did, because I don't want you all to think I'm too lazy to update. So here I sit, drinking my Saranac Pale Ale and typing this. Let the fun begin.
Tonight is hell night. I expect that all the little devils will be out throwing toliet paper and soaping windows. I heard on Howard Stern that in Camden, NJ kids set fires on hell night. That's some fucked up shit. Oh well, I guess all that's left to be said is this:
Sunday, October 29th 2000 If you give him $1500, I'll shoot him based on the principle alone
Well I have the hangover from hell today. Thank God we had to turn the clocks back an hour, because I really needed that extra hour. Anyway, do you remember the good old days when kids had the greatest toys in the world? I cam across these images and all the memories just flooded back in. "No, don't beat me. Why do you always beat me?" Whoops. Maybe those memories weren't such a good idea. Lesson to be learned: If you're getting a beating, don't just stand there and take it. Run away for God's sake!
Friday, October 27th 2000 I stole the cookie
I only have an hour to do this and I have a bunch of other things to do before I have to head back to Bill's house. We're setting up for a big halloween party, don't ask. I had pictures and such for this post, but alas time is short. I promise to put them up in a new post tomorrow. If you want to know the story behind Phonics, Click here or "The Beginning" on the side bar.
Thursday, October 26th 2000 Surprise!
Things have changed quite a bit around here, eh? I figured it was time for a new format and this one is just a little bit easier on the eyes. I find it easier to navigate through all the piles of shit I have here. I know that this space here on this page looks a little bit barren, but give it some time and I promise it will fill out nicely. Well, that's it for now. Oh if you don't like the way the site looks now, I refer you to my little buddy below.
To view the very old posts, click here
