AJ stares down at his scrambled eggs and pokes them. Kevin was standing in front of his refrigerator and moving objects out of the way looking for something. Howie was in the sitting room watching TV, probably some boring channel like CNN for the stock market updates. AJ looks up as Brian walks in and sits down across from him with dark bags under his eyes.
“You ok?” AJ says staring at Brian.
“Yeah, I was just up late last night thinking.
“You sure?” AJ asks frowning.
“Yeah,” Brian says flashing his usual smile, but it seemed to be of a mask then anything to AJ.
“Where is Leigh Ann?”
“She went out with the other girls and the kids to do that female bonding day,” Kevin says walking over with a plate full of bacon and sitting down, “Howie! Food’s done!”
“You know could of came and told me,” Howie says walking in and sitting down next to AJ as Kevin took a seat next to Brian.
“Bri, you look like hell,” Kevin says staring at him.
“Told ya,” AJ says.
“I’m fine,” Brian frowns, “I was just up late thinking about stuff.”
“Did you read anymore of the journal?” Howie asks.
“Yeah,” Brian nods staring down at the table, “I can’t believe half the stuff he says in it. He just wanted out of this life so badly and he never told any of us about it. I mean I know we knew he was losing it, but not to this extent. It’s scary guys. I couldn’t get to sleep for hours.”
“Are we gonna finish reading it today?” Kevin asks picking up a piece of bacon and eating it.
“I hope so. I mean we have all day, so I don’t see why not,” Brian says picking up a piece of bacon and biting into it, “Ugh, this is hard,” he mumbles with a mouthful and spitting it out into his napkin.
“It’s crispy,” Kevin says.
“Ugh,” Brian says taking a sip of his orange juice, “God, not even Nick would eat that stuff,” he smiles and then quickly frowns again, “I miss him a lot guys.”
“We all do,” AJ says taking a piece of bacon and biting into it quickly spitting it into his napkin, “Ew, that is horrible,” he makes a face and throws the rest onto the floor for Kevin’s dog to eat.
“AJ, stop throwing stuff on my floor,” Kevin says getting up and picking the piece up.
“Let the dog eat it.”
“I don’t have a dog.”
“Oh, sorry.”
Kevin rolls his eyes and sits back down finishing HIS bacon.
“So what do you think were the major entries that we need to read?” Howie asks Brian when they get back into the room they were in the previous night.
“There’s a few of them,” Brian says looking up at them from his place on the floor, “I think we should each read it honestly. It has some stuff in here that may help us each get through this in our own ways. Maybe make copies of it later for ourselves each to have, but we can’t let anyone else see them.”
“Whatever you say,” AJ says stretching out on the couch until his feet touch Kevin who is sitting up and looks at him.
“No shoe son the couch,” Kevin says.
“Ugh,” AJ makes a face and twists his body so that is feet are not on the couch, but dangling over it.
“Whatever he says in it guys, don’t take it to heart he was pretty far gone,” Brian says staring in particular at Kevin, “Kev, you guys were at each others throats a lot, but he knows you were only trying to protect him sometimes.”
“Just read, Brian,” Kevin says staring at him and Brian sighs opening the journal to a page.
December 24, 2001
I realized something today when I was walking around my backyard, alone. I hate my house. I hate it. It isn’t even me. It’s this big ass house and it has nothing personal in it to me. AJ’s house, God AJ’s house is AJ. It’s like the fucking Haunting or something. It seems to live on whatever AJ gives it. Brian’s house is like Brian, perfect and simple with a lot of white. Kevin’s house is Kevin, dark wood and hidden in the woods. Howie’ s house is Howie, simple, elegant and very trendy looking. My house is a block with furniture inside it. That’s how I feel most of the time so I guess it is me.
Oh yeah it’s Christmas Eve and I have no one yet again. I’m not the only one though. Guess who I ran into today when I was walking down the street? Can’t guess? Justin fucking Timberlake. He wasn’t with Britney either, haha I would love to tell the press about this. He was with some tall pale girl with black hair. He was high as a kite too. The only thing keeping him from falling over was the girl who was holding him up. She was alert and said hi to me. I have no idea who she is though, probably never will. Anywho, I ran into them and Justin, in the happy mood he was in, told me he had walked out of his mother’s house and was going to runaway to Fiji. Twenty dollars says he doesn’t even know where that is. The crack head kept walking down the street laughing at anything he saw. I maybe crazy, but I will never be that drugged up in public.
I talked to my little brother and sisters on the phone before my mom kicked them off and proceeded to give me the ungrateful son lecture. Yeah, I’m ungrateful go to hell. Another Christmas alone for me. I was going to call Brian to say hi, but decided against it. I don’t want to ruin his Christmas too.
I wonder if Justin is still running around on the streets now. More importantly I wonder if I can find him in time to give me some of whatever he was on.
Ladies and gentlemen may I present a fallen teen idol.
“I thought he said he was going to go home for that Christmas?” AJ asks.
“That’s what he said, but he didn’t,” Brian sighs, “He should have called me.”
“Or me he could of came over. My mom loves Nick,” AJ says, “And Lori wouldn’t of cared.”
“It’s to late to argue over this now guys,” Kevin says.
“It was the same girl with Justin,” Howie says.
“What?” AJ says.
“That girl Nick was talking about. That was the same girl Justin ran off with.”
“Oh who the hell cares this is about Nick,” AJ says.
“Did Nick do drugs?” Kevin asks Brian.
“Yeah. It actually turns out him and Timberlake became good friends over the drug bond. He knew all about Justin’s plan to run off and wrote it all in here. That’s where he got the idea to leave.”
“So he’s alive?” Kevin says.
“Yeah, he never wanted to kill himself,” Brian says smiling, “I knew he would never do that, but don’t tell anyone. Listen.”
January 8, 2001
I hate tours. I fucking hate them. We are in Philadelphia now and I’m sitting in a suite with Justin and his girl Ness at two in the morning. If you were going to tell me a few weeks ago I would be sitting here with Justin Timberlake while he rambles on about shit while he gets high, I would of slapped you for suggesting it. He’s here doing promotional shit for his next album, so I figured what the hell. He sits there sniffing lines of coke and I get free joints out of it. Ness doesn’t do it though and that surprised me the most. I thought for sure she did it if Justin spent so much time with her. She’s quick to pick up on things though.
Ness grew up in the Bronx and her accent can annoy the hell out of me at times. She saw my calves though when I was lying down on the sofa. She just stared at me and asked what happened. I had no idea what she was talking about until she added the cigarette burns. The quick-witted bitch even knew what they were from looking at them, but she showed me her arms and I knew why later. Her dad used to burn her with them, so I had to tell her I wasn’t being abused and I did it to myself. I’ve been doing it for a while now. I burn myself maybe three times a week. I try to do it in the same three spots, but some times I hold down too long and they stay open for a while. She just stared at me and Justin started cracking up until she snapped and told him it was nothing to laugh about. I swear I have never seen Timberlake shut up so quickly. She went and sat down on the floor in front of me and just stared at me. Justin came crawling over on the ground a few minutes later and curled up against her. That’s when he started talking about his plan.
Now Justin isn’t the smartest person in the world, but this sounded good. He said he wanted out of the business and he hated his whole fucking group. They treated him like a baby and he couldn’t stand it anymore. He was going to run away. Now that just perplexed me. I mean if he runs away people will notice him and I told him that. He just stared at me from Ness’s lap and said not if I go somewhere where I’m not known. He said he had enough money to take him anywhere and he would live there with Ness. I asked him what Britney would say and he just smiled this crazy smile and said he was going to kill her then cracked up laughing. Now I’m crazy and I know it, but he was over the edge gone, byebye sanity. Ness just rolled her eyes and said they were not going to kill anyone as Justin frowned at her. He started chanting kill the bitch kill the bitch while smiling. Ness just stared at him and started kissing him until finally he shut up. I left the room as soon as Justin stared to undo his pants and went into the bathroom where I am now sitting in the bathtub writing this. Doesn’t bother me any I got about five joints left and the tubs big enough for me to sleep in if I need to.
It makes me wonder though, if Justin could do this big plan he had then I can. Right?
Brian stops reading and looks up as three pairs of eyes stare at him.
“He burned himself?” AJ says staring being the first to speak up.
“Yeah,” Brian sighs, “Now that I think of it, he always did wear long pants even in the heat we had to go through in Florida, Brazil and places like that.”
“I never saw him hang out with Justin before,” Howie says.
“I know. He did it mostly at night when we would all get back from when we would go out together or on days off when he was around.”
“Wait he knew Justin was going to run off and didn’t say anything?” AJ asks.
“Yeah, but he also left before Justin ran off. I guess he thought Justin backed out and it was crazy talk from when he was high.”
“So if he knew about Justin who’s to say Justin didn’t know about him?” Kevin asks.
“I dunno,” Brian says, “But if you’re planning on going over to Timberlake’s house good luck.”
“Why?” Howie asks, “It seems sensible. It’s bad enough knowing he trusted Justin more then us, but he might know.”
“Guys, Justin Timberlake does not want to be talked to at all. He lives in fucking Sicily now,” AJ says, “It’s not like can just drive over and say hello. It’s at least an eight-hour flight to Heathrow and we would have to get a smaller plane to there.”
“He’s right,” Kevin says.
“But if we take a concord…” Brian starts.
“No, no concords,” Howie snaps, “Those things are fucking dangerous.”
“But, guys we need to find out,” Brian whines.
“Sicily, Brian,” AJ says, “It’s not even close to us. If it were close to us I would say yes, but Sicily? What about the girls and the kids too?”
“They can spend a few days alone. It would take only like three days. They would understand,” Brian looks at Kevin pleadingly.
“Yeah, the girls can watch the kids. There are only two kids and three of them,” Kevin says as a smiles spreads across Brian’s face.
“Guys, this is Sicily the mob capital of the world,” AJ says.
“That’s Newark,” Kevin says, “Sicily is where the mob originated.”
“Same thing,” AJ stares at all of them, “C’mon, Howie, back me up here.”
“I dunno, AJ, it wouldn’t take that long,” Howie says.
“No guys. No. No. Stop smiling like that, Brian,” AJ says.
