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FI R EM A N      J O KE S



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The Rabbi And The Flood

An orthodox rabbi is studying in his living room, when there is a knock on the door. When he opens the door, it is a policeman, who informs him that the rivers are rising, a flood is expected, and evacuation is recommended.
The rabbi explains, "I am a man of God. I am sure he will protect me from danger."
The policeman shrugs his shoulders and leaves.
As the rabbi is watching the rising water getting closer and closer to his house, there is a second knock, this time a State Trooper. The trooper says, "Rabbi, we are evacuating the area as the flood is getting serious and you are in jeopardy."
Again the rabbi explains, "I am a man of God. I am sure he will protect me from danger. I am staying."
Well, the water continues to rise, until the rabbi is forced to stay on the second floor. He hears some yelling and looks up to see two firemen in a rowboat right outside his second floor window.
"Rabbi!" one of the firemen calls, "Get in the boat, the rains are not letting up! It's getting serious."
"I am a man of God. He will protect me from danger. I'll stay."
The firemen, fearing for their own safety, row on.
As the flood rises, the rabbi is forced to climb out onto his roof, just as a helicopter is flying over. The helicopter drops a rope ladder and a voice calls down, "We're coming to get you, rabbi!"
"No, no.... God will protect me. You go on."
Well, needless to say, the water continues to rise and the rabbi drowns. When he gets to Heaven, he is really upset. "I must see God," says the rabbi. "Please take me to God."
He is granted an audience with God.
"Lord," says the rabbi, "after a lifetime of devotion to you, why would you forsake me in my moment of need?"
God says, "You schmuck, I sent two cops, a rowboat full of firemen, and a helicopter...."



Barn Fire

A blonde calls this rural fire department all excited. She says, "Come quick my barns on fire, my barn's on fire." The dispatcher says, "Calm down now just tell us how to get there." She says, "Oh, don't you have that big red truck anymore?"



Fearless Jose

After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a man dressed in a matador's costume prancing around on the roof. Four of the firemen held a safety-net and urged him to escape from the burning building by jumping into the net.
He refused and loudly proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who fears nothing, not even fire."
The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail. Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same phrase over and over until the firemen got really sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when the flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and then leaped off the rooftop.
As his body hurtled toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted, "Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.



Old Gomer

Old Gomer died in a house fire and was burned pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body so his two friends Bubba and Billy Bob went down to try and I.D. the body.
Bubba went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet and Bubba said "Yep, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him on over."
So the mortician rolled him over and Bubba looked at his @$$ and said "Naw, that ain't Old Gomer!"
The morticain didn't say any thing but thought that was kind of strange.
Then he brought in Billy Bob to I.D. the body and Billy Bob looked at him and said "Yep, he sure is burnt really bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Billy Bob looked down at his @$$ and said "Nope. That sure ain't Old Gomer!"
The mortician said "How can you tell?"
Billy Bob said "Well Old Gomer had two @$$holes."
"What? he had two @$$holes?" said the mortician.
"Yep, everyone in town knew he had two @$$holes. Every time the three of us went to town everyone would say "Here comes Old Gomer with them two @$$holes!"



Q. A fireman had two sons.  What did he name them?
A. Hosea and Hoseb



Who Rang That Bell!!

A fire chief had just gotten married and on his honeymoon he informed his new wife that their house was going to be run like a firehouse... he said that they would have sex on the bell system.
He went on to say that one bell meant take your clothes off...
two bells meant get into bed...
and three bells meant start fooling around.
The fire chief came home from work one day and decided to try out his system.... he hollered "One Bell" and she took off her clothes.
He hollered "Two Bells" and she got into bed.
He hollered "Three Bells" and they started fooling around like crazy.
A few minutes later, SHE yells "Four Bells."
"Four Bells?" the fire chief asks, "What is four bells?"
"Let out more hose!" she yelled. "Your nowhere near the fire!"



Fireman rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.



A fire chief came home early one day and finds his wife relaxing in bed. All looks well till he notices a cigar in the ash tray. He becomes furious and yells, "Where did that cigar come from?"
A voice from under the bed says, "Havana!"



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