“Giles, please tell me you’re kidding.”

 “Well…um…I’m afraid not.”

 “I can’t believe this.”

 “Can you understand why I’m telling you and not Buffy or Xander?”

 Angel sighed heavily. Unfortunately, he understood. “Yes, I can see how they might get a case of the…wiggins, they call it?” Running a hand through his hair, he took a seat on the table. “But you have to admit, Giles…this is pretty out there.”

 The British Watcher nodded absently, rereading the scroll in front of him. Prophecies were prophecies, and he couldn’t not believe what he had read. He quoted one last time, to try to convince both himself and the vampire of what it said. “And so the souled vampire will confront the demon, with the help of an ally and an unexpected visitor, and the three shall defeat the demon that walks the markets.” He sighed, wiping his brow with a handy kerchief.

 The vampire hopped down from his perch on the library table. “So, this is all supposed to take place tonight. Just great.” Peering over the Watcher’s shoulder, he quickly translated the Latin in his head. “It couldn’t tell me where it’s going to happen, either. Just wonderful.” Shaking his head, he paced quickly.

 Rupert tried to help a bit. “Well, ‘walks the markets’ could imply a product that is popular in the stores…what certain merchandise is popular these days?” he said, hoping that Angel would be into pop-culture enough to know.

 “Well…uh…” Angel said, trying to think. “Um…these little mechanical things that spout gibberish...these stuffed animals that are worth hundreds of dollars…these video games with Japanese animals on them…okay, I have no idea.” He paced over to the counter and looked at the phone. “Who should we call?”

 A puzzled expression came over Giles’ face. “Call? Oh, you mean for advice…well, Buffy and Xander are out, for the obvious reasons.” Angel nodded, and motioned for the Watcher to continue. “Um…well, that leaves Cordelia and Willow, really.” Giles gulped at the thought of Cordelia taking Angel on a demon-hunting trip in an Armani store.

 Angel had the same thoughts running through his head, and he had no intention of changing clothes fifty times in a row. “Willow,” he said almost immediately, and Giles tossed him the address book from his pocket. Angel quickly dialed up the redhead at home. “Hello, Willow? Yes, it’s Angel…listen, I need your help…yes, can you come down to the library? Okay, sure, thanks. Be careful on your way down here, it’s almost dusk…okay, I will see you here. Bye.” He hung up and looked at Giles. “She’s on her way.”

***

 The two partners walked into the brightly lit mall just after seven o’clock. Willow had come up with a list of items that were highly in demand, including Furbys, Pokemon toys, anything to do with wrestling, and Beanie Babies. Content with that simple list, they had set off to the mall to try and hunt down the demon.

 After checking Kay Bee for Pokemon toys, they concluded that none of them were demons, although the Furbys had them a bit worried. But Willow quickly assured Angel that none of them had any real magickal influence, and Angel could tell that they were all quite purely mechanical. They checked Spencer’s for the wrestling paraphernalia, and Angel found himself wondering how any grown man could willingly put himself into Spandex on cable TV and get pummeled, just for money. After making sure none of it was going to attack them, they exited and headed towards a quaint little kiosk in the middle of the mall hallway.

 It had a cute little roof on the top, and contained shelf after shelf of Beanie Babies. Angel just gaped at the immense collection of beanbag animals, while Willow silently scanned them for magickal influences. She was about to give up and pry Angel away from the Dracula bear when she felt something strange coming from one of the beanies. She turned around just in time to see a little shiny bear jump from the shelf, land on the floor, and grow to her size.

 Frightened, she ran over to Angel, who had just noticed the strange occurrence as well. They exchanged a look that meant, “We have to fight a Beanie Baby?”

 They glanced over at the giant beanie baby, which was not white, but actually an amazingly reflective material. Willow could almost see herself in it. But before she could really ponder that, she noticed that the enemy was standing stock still, as if crouched behind an invisible shield. Puzzled, Willow stepped out from behind Angel, only to see the demon also stand straight and take a step to the side.

 Finally, Angel decided to hit the bear and see what happened. As he ran towards it, the bear glanced at him briefly, and began charging the vampire. Although Angel was surprised by this move, he kept going, bringing his fist back for the hit. As he struck out, hitting the stuffed animal in its padded shoulder, he felt a bean-filled fist pound into his own shoulder. Falling back from the brief pain, he saw the beanie baby do the same.

 Willow ran up to him hurriedly. “Angel,” she said quickly, “it’s mirroring whatever we do. If you attack, it attacks. If you run, it runs. I don’t see how we can defeat it.” She helped him to his feet, only to see the bear also get to its feet…er, paws.

 The vampire nodded. “Maybe if we ganged up on it…” he said, then looked at Willow. “But can you harm it at all?”

 Shaking her head, Willow looked at the ground. “I don’t know any real combat spells yet, Angel…sorry. And I’m just not strong enough to tackle it head on.” She shuffled her feet. “I guess there was no point in me coming, huh?”

 Angel put his arm around her, finding it only slightly disturbing that the bear had its arm around thin air. “Of course there was a point in you coming, Willow. You’re here to help, and help you did.” It wasn’t until now that he noticed that there was a large crowd of people around them. One person approached the beanie bear from behind. Sensing the guy’s presence, the beanie began to mimic the man. Although the man was startled, he eventually attempted to touch the bear. He was repaid by a blow to the head, knocking him unconscious.

 Seeing that action had to be taken, he quickly approached the bear, drawing its attention back to him. But before he could make a move, a loud voice came through the crowd, coming nearer towards the action in the center.

 “She ‘ad dumps like-a truck, truck, truck…thighs like wha’, wha’, wha’…ba-bay move ya butt, butt…” sang a very drunk, very British accent from the crowd. “All nigh’ long, lemme see da’ thong!” The owner of the voice came stumbling through the gathering of people, falling into the center clearing by the bear, then collapsing to the ground. A silly grin erupted on his face, and he chanted, “Thong thong thong thong thong…”

 Angel and Willow reacted at once. “SPIKE???”

 With half-closed eyes, the blonde, drunk vampire looked up at them. “Oh, wella lookie ‘ere…we’ve got da poof and da ‘acker.” Then he looked up next to him, which happened to be the bear, also slightly confused. Then, as it adjusted to the new closeness, it also collapsed on the floor. “Well, if it ain’t a giant beanie baby,” he said, then took another drink from the bottle he had in his hand. “Didn’ I see ya down da street somewheres?”

 The bear mimicked the bottle motion, but was slightly confused as to why such a strong creature would just sit down and try to talk to him. Grinning stupidly, Spike offered the bottle to the shiny bear. Of course, the bear’s paw came out in the same gesture, so Spike thrust the bottle into the paw and sat back. The bear, of course, also sat back, the bottle still in its paw. Drunkenly realizing that the bear was not going to drink, only sit there and stare at him, Spike got a little ticked off. “If yer ain’ gonna drink it, givit back ta me,” he said, leaning over and reaching for the bottle. The bear mimicked him, and the two bashed heads. As the vampire and the demon beanie sat there, stunned, Angel finally decided to make his move.

 Hurtling his body towards the bear, Angel managed to reach it, grab its stuffed head, and rip it from the rest of the stuffed body. The beanie was limp before finally collapsing into an empty heap – somehow all the beans inside of it had disappeared. Angel held the bear’s head in his hands, looking into the black bead eyes, and wondering what sick demon would disguise itself as a beanie baby. Then, tossing the head to the floor, he walked over to Willow, and the two of them helped the still dazed, drunk, and shirtless Spike to his feet.

 As the two friends helped the drunken vampire from the mall, they decided to save all questions for later, when Spike wasn’t quite so drunk. “Tell me somethin’…” he drawled as they dragged him into the night, “did I jussee you, peashes, an’ you, da red’ed, decap…depicap…decatipa…rip da ‘ead off a beanie baby?”

 Angel didn’t bother to answer Spike, for he had found himself looking at Willow, and at that moment, Willow looked at him. Their eyes locked, and Spike fell to the ground unsupported. His groan didn’t even register with them as Willow and Angel locked in a passionate kiss, drawing each other closer and tighter in the parking lot of the mall.

 “Thong thong thong thong thong…” Spike began singing drunkenly. Willow tried to ignore him, but then everything went black.

 Suddenly, Willow sat up, surprised. Looking around her, she could see that she was in her room. Her radio alarm was blaring out Sisqo’s new song, and she fumbled to turn the radio off. As she realized what she had woken up from, she fell back into her pillow, moaning. Every night, it was the same. Another strange dream, always ending with yet another passionate kiss…and then the damn alarm clock. Groaning, she rolled over, and attempted to go back to sleep.

THE END