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Sarcastic sayings, put-downs, and one-liners

1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...???

2. Do I look like a fucking people person?

3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

6. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

8. You!... Off my planet!

9. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

10. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

11. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

12. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

13. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

14. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

15. A PBS mind in an MTV world.

16. Allow me to introduce my selves.

17. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

18. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

19. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

20. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

21. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

22. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

23. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

24. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!

25. Meandering to a different drummer.

26. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.

27. And which dwarf are you?

28. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

29. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

30. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

31. I plead contemporary insanity.

32. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

33. Did you know that when someone annoys you, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, But it only takes four muscles to extend your arm out and smack'em in the head.