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WRESTLING HUMOR PAGE

*you still think it's real

*you actually believed Hulk Hogan would run for president

*you think whacking your little sister with a steel chair won't hurt

*you try to use wrestling moves in a gang fight

*when the principal walks by, you try to start an "asshole" chant

*you think Pallbearer is someone's name

*you believe Hulkamania will live forever

*you've tried to do the "Worm" and landed flat on your face

*you've ever been to a Nitro Party

*you know the name of every sports arena in the country by heart

*you eat Slim Jims just because the Macho Man says so.
credit: Psycho41

*you name your first born after your favorite wrestler.

*you walk into a restaurant an yell out "Do you know What the Rock is Cooking??"

*you try the figure 4 on your mother..

*you think wrestling is REAL...

*you dedicate a WEBSITE to wrestling... (hey, wait a minute...)

*you still wear your HULKAMANIA shirt from the 80's...

*you call your boss a Jabroni or a Roody-Poo...

*you think foreplay is when you put your girlfriend in a side head-lock...

*you walk in a pet store and chant " WE WANT PUPPIES "..

*you actually think Hulk Hogans movie MR. Nanny deserves an Oscar.

*you start your own AOL Wrestling Chat Room...

*you are a subcriber to WWF Magazine...
Credit: Rodd

*You high five the people in the aisle seats on airplanes

*Before you shake someones hand, you check for the crowds response

*You have a framed picture of Vince McMahon

*You walk into a Bakery asking for PoonTang Pie....

*You wear Nitro Fragrance for Men....

*You try to buy a ticket on the Ho-Train...

*You actually think Goldberg went to your Bar Mitsvah...

*You own stock in WWF..."WWFE"

*You start preaching to your friends about the three I's, Intensity, Integrity and Intelligence.....
Credit: Rodd

*every time the phone rings you answer by saying " Smackdown Hotel "
Credit: CW9627

*You actually own more wresting videos than normal movies.

*Your homepage is a wrestling page.  (no offense)

*You collect wwf/wcw/ecw action figures.........and are older than 20 with no
kids.  Credit: lundin11

*You sell your food stamps to buy tickets to Raw is War.

*You changed the date of you wedding because you found out it was on the same day as a WWF PPV    Credit: Chewy

*You see Karaoke night as a chance to improve your mic skills
*You play sing alond with the rock.......sitting on your couch at home
*You've ever commented on the size of Flair's breasts
*You always refer to yourself in the third person
*You walk into strip clubs chanting "slut,slut"
*You cried when you found out it was fake
*Ivory turns you on
*You have ever told some you are going to lay the Smackdown...
*You think Chyna's breasts are still real
*You expect a large pop when  you walk into a room
*People refer to you as the greatest wrestling spectator in the history of Sports entertainment
*You refer to football as Sports entertainment
*You chant "boring" during a lecture at school
*You really think Goldberg is unbeatable
*You mute the TV so you can do your own color commentating
*YOU ACTUALLY PAY $350 FOR FRONT ROW AT WRESTLMANIA
*You have ever "taken a bump" to get a reaction from the other kids in the caffeteria
credit: vrbaldy

*you carry a stereo with you to play an entrance theme when you walk into a room

*you always garuanDAMNtee things to people

*whenever somebody falls down you point and chant "you f***ed up!"

*whenever somebody asks you if wrestling is fake, you give them the stone cold stunner

*you own "have a nice day" "the Rock says" "positively page" and "i'm next"

*you go to an amateur wrestling match and yell at them to use the chair

*you've tried to do a swanton into a pool because "it's only water, it shouldn't hurt..."

*you try to announce for random streetfights that you see

*you wrote this list down to show your friends how many of them apply to you
credit: Smokey the Mack

you spend all night coming up with ur own finisher, try it on your friends, and call it something like 'the doomsday device'!
*you create yourself on a wrestling game, always fight as yourself and fill with pride when you see yourself enter for a fight!   
*You spend $30 in five minutes trying to drink beers like steve austin.
*you break your bed four times (replacements too!) trying to do an effective powerbomb on your mate!
*at a party, you get the most drunk person you can see, and with the help of your tag team partner! perform a camel clutch and boston crab at the same time! while thinking your cool!
*you try and get your friends girlfriends to have a bra and panty match!
*You invite your girlfriend over and when she comes in get your mates to chant T&A thinking she'll be impressed
*After tackling someone in football you feel a compelling urge to follow with a jackhammer and expect the crowd to go nuts
*you spend the first half of the year as a heel, and the second half as a face!
*You create your own title and hold tournaments in the back garden
*You poke the glass out of your glasses and when people ask why scream "TESTIFY" in their face!
*After someone high fives you, your disappointed when you don't follow it up with a doubleteam
*You want to impress a girl, so you get someone to give you the last ride and kick out after the count of 1!
*When seeing someone lying on the floor you see this as the perfect opportunity for a sneak submission move
*The greatest moment in your life was hulk vs warrior at wrestlmania 6, and you cried at the end of that match!
*you give yourself a name like ' the big wilbowski'!
credit: WillSelby

*Your 3 year old daughter asks for a bedtime story and you read her "Have a Nice Day".
*You buy water bottles just so you can spit the water back out.
*You own a pair of wrestling tights with your nick name printed across the seat.
*Your 3 year old daughter cheers after The Rock drops the 'Peoples Elbow'.
*You have your wife write a wrestling column.
*You've got a mint condition Series 1,  WCW Ric Flair action figure tucked away in the basement because you know one day it will be worth thousands of dollars.
*You run into a friend you haven't seen in ten years and the first thing you ask him is, "So who's your favorite wrestler?"
*You call your 3 year old daughter, 'Your little jabroni.'
*You Smackdowned your vote.
*You slap your elbow two times before mimicking an elbow drop.
*You see paramedics strapping someone onto a a stretcher and you tip it over and flip them the bird.
*You threaten to spank your 3 year old daughters 'Roody Poo' 'Candy Ass' (and she knows what your talking about).
*You see someone who looks a little like Shawn Michaels and you ask them if they are related.
*You go to indy shows and make sure you stick around for autographs.
*You let your 3 year old daughter stay up till 11pm on Monday nights.
*You get in a bar fight and start posing down and cupping your ear after you win.
*You are making love to your wife and you count her down for the 3 count (you sneak off with the easy victory as she wasn't expecting you to go for the pin).
credit: Philip Moreau









You walk into church and high five people in the pews as you walk down the aisle.

You purposly blade yourself while shaving.

Everytime you see an Elvis impersonator, you ask for his autograph and get upset when it's not signed "Honkey Tonk Man"

You attack your friends from behind with a chair, and look around the room, waiting for crowd reaction.

You shake someone's hand, you pause and hesitate, while looking around nervously.

You walk up to get your diploma, and the graduation song is playing, you turn to the audience and shout "OOOOOOHHHHH YEEEEAAAAHHH!" and bite a Slim Jim.

You won't come out of your room until your parent's play your theme on the stereo.

If your excuse for not finishing homework is you were looking for your smile.

You Leapfrog over people while playing football, then turn around and clothesline them.

Everytime you go to church, you wait for the minister to quote something from the Book Of Austin.

You have wrestling tournaments with your stuffed animals.

You JOB to your stuffed animal.

Everytime you leave a room, you shout "AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE, SON!"

During an argument, you consistanly do groin chops.

You want people to leave you alone, you feel up your chest and deeply inhale.

You wear white and black make up when you go to Canada's Wonderland, and insist they hook the bungee cord to the back of your coat at the Bungee Jump.

Everytime a teacher's pet passes by your desk, you mumble "Lousy Babyface", and stick your foot out to trip him.

Everytime you walk pass someone lying down, you feel the sudden urge to strap them in a Sharpshooter.

Everytime you come in contact with a roll of duct tape, you wrap it tightly around your wrist.

Your teacher gives you detention, you give them a Stone Cold Stunner and walk out of class, flashing your middle fingers.

When you lose a fight you lightly grab your head claiming the other guy pulled your hair.

If you say, "TOO SWEEEEEEEEEEET!!!" more than 5 times a day.

If you take your girlfriend out to a chinese restaurant you chant your country's name over and over again in the middle of dinner.

If you know what "slobber-knocker" means.

When you see a fight is about to happen you yell out, "Let's get ready to rumble!!!"

If you grab you boss by the hair and ask your co-workers, "If you think I should finish this can of whoop-ass gimme a hell yeah."

If you squirt you boss' wife with a water gun and tell her not to worry because you can keep it up "all night long."

If you have ever looked in the bible for "Austin 3:16."

When someone asks where you are from, you tell them you are from "parts unknown."

If you ever tried to get the crowd chanting "Asshole" during a baseball game.

If you turn the light out and then tell your girlfriend to "rest in peace".

If you've ever got kicked off the high school wrestling team for giving someone the Stone cold Stunner.

When someone tries to introduce themselves you yell out, "It doesn't matter what your name is!!!"

If you hear someone say, "what does everybody want" You yell out "HEAD" without giving it a second thought.

If you ever grabbed your neighbors dog and givin it the airplane spin.

When you walk into a bar, you run up to the band, grab the microphone and yell out, "Cut the music".

When you start to shake someone's hand at a party, then hesitate to see if the crowd agrees you should.

When you start spray-painting nWo all around your house and school.

When your christmas tree has a Mr. Socko hand puppet at the top instead of an angel or star.

When you walk into a bar and yell out, "HELLO LADIES".

If you keep a foreign object in your boxers.

22) If you've ever painted your face white and stopped talking to your friends and co-workers.

23) If you refer to every woman at your work as a ho.

24) When at you go to a strip bar and tell everyone, "pimpin' ain't easy" while holding a fan full of ten dollar bills.

25) Every time you eat a pepperoni stick you yell out, "SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM"

26) If on halloween you go around as Chris Jericho stealing little kids masks and putting them around your neck as prizes.

27) If your best friend has ever offered you a title shot at his tin foil championship belt.

28) If you've ever tried to play "air guitar" on the tin foil belt you used a chair shot to win.

29) If someone has ever picked a fight with you, you put your index finger up and wave it back and forth in front of them, while mouthing the words, "no way".

30) If you've ever started a rumor between two girls just to see an imprompu live evening gown match.

31) If you've ever finished a speech to your co-workers with the statement, "...and if yer not down with that I got 2 words for ya: SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!"

32) If you ever thought of WCW as both the farm team and the retirement home.

33) If you've ever been asked to leave the bus early for giving the cars behind you crotch chops.

34) If you've ever had the urge to shove your sock-covered-hand down your best friends mouth simply because he yawned.

35) When you buy the last Sable issue of Playboy just to say, "you have the set."

  • Everytime Something Doesn't Go Your Way, You Say, "What About Me"

  • The Only Words You Got Right On You Spanish Test Were "Viva La Raza"

  • Every Time You Use A Tooth Pick You Throw It In Someone's Face

  • Whenever You Beat Someone At A Sporting Event, You Call Them A Jobber

  • When Your Dog Is Barking, You Run Outside And Put It In The Torture Rack

  • You Make Signs Like "GoldBerg Is My Dad" When You Watch Nitro At Home

  • Every Year For Halloween You Dress Up Like Ric Flair, Do his Walk and Shout WHOOOOOO

  • Anytime You Wrestle With Your Friends You Try To Put Them In The Figure 4

  • When Anyone Asks For Directions And You Point "Down There"

  • Your greatest moment in life was when the nWo was created and you have it documented in a college paper with legitimate sources.

  • You call all hispanic people luchadors

  • You insist on spelling nWo with the W capitalized

  • When some one asks you why you wont do something you say "Cause Stone Cold said so"

  • In history class, when asked for important dates..you give the date of all wwf title history

  • you wish you were eric bishoff

  • When ever anyone critizes hollywood hogan, you imediatly say "he's not hulk anymore"

  • When In a fight you get down on two knees and beg the other guy not to hit you and then you nail him with a low blow

  • You brag about all the wrestling terminology you know whenever you can

  • You have contests with your friends while watching wrestling who can name all the Wrestlers' moves

  • You never knew public enemy was named after a rap group

  • When watching a fight you try to make every punch into a wrestling move..."oh...he coulda done a neck breaker there" "why the hell didn't you give him a pile driver?"

  • When the road dog does michael buffer you complain about their voices sounding nothing alike"

  • Whenever your favorite guy wrestles...you start yelling to the tv...mcmahon why the hell did you make him job

  • You give your teacher the middle finger

  • You kick your teacher in the stomach and give her the stunner

  • You shave your head to get a bigger "push"

  • When anyone says the name of any wrestler you immediatly give height, weight, and finisher

  • You walk into church and high five people in the pews as you walk down the aisle.

  • You purposly blade yourself while shaving.

  • Everytime you see an Elvis impersonator, you ask for his autograph and get upset when it's not signed "Honkey Tonk Man"

  • You attack your friends from behind with a chair, and look around the room, waiting for crowd reaction.

  • You shake someone's hand, you pause and hesitate, while looking around nervously.

  • You walk up to get your diploma, and the graduation song is playing, you turn to the audience and shout "OOOOOOHHHHH YEEEEAAAAHHH!" and bite a Slim Jim.

  • You won't come out of your room until your parent's play your theme on the stereo.

  • If your excuse for not finishing homework is you were looking for your smile.

  • You Leapfrog over people while playing football, then turn around and clothesline them.

  • Everytime you go to church, you wait for the minister to quote something from the Book Of Austin.

  • You have wrestling tournaments with your stuffed animals.

  • You JOB to your stuffed animal.

  • Everytime you leave a room, you shout "AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE, SON!"

  • . During an argument, you consistanly do groin chops.

    ************************************************************************************************************** Fair warning...if you're easily offended, this isn't a post to read.----------- ScoopThis.com's infamous - ANNUAL PRO-WRESTLING PREDICTIONS 2000 EDITION ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 3 - In an effort to boost sagging ratings, WCW cuts their Monday Nitro show down to 2 hours, so as to not dilute quarter-hour breakdowns. ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 7 - ScoopThis.com unveils v3.0; with renewed focus on professional wrestling. ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 8 - In a featured editorial on WrestleLine.com, WOW Magazine's Bill Apter tells us the untold story of his role in introducing Andy Kaufman to pro-wrestling. ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 10 - As a result of their recent partnership with Playboy.com, family-oriented ScoopsWrestling.com enjoys record ratings/impressions. ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 12 - Bob Ryder threatens to sue someone somewhere over something. ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 14 - After being fired from WOW Magazine, the Bagpipe Report's Blake Norton announces his new position at IGN.com Sports. ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 16 - The hiring of 3 new interns on the sound crew signals the beginning of a new era in World Championship Wrestling. ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 18 - WWF The Music Volumes V, VI, and VII released and hit #1 with the same tracks in different order. ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 20 - The WWF releases a statement apologizing for the accidental full-frontal nudity exposed by one of their female wrestlers at UPN's Smackdown two nights ago, and promises to keep a closer eye on its product. ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 22 - Offended by the racy content, the WWF inadvertantly pulls all its support from its own UPN Smackdown show by mistake. ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 23 - Following the success of having their Intercontinental Title shared by two people, the WWF has all Royal Rumble participants eliminating eachother at the same time, as all 30 men have earned themselves the right to face Triple-H at WrestleMania. ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 24 - ScoopThis.com announces the return of writer Jarrod Triplett. ************************************************************************************************************** Jan 25 - Jarrod Triplett quits ScoopThis.com. ************************************************************************************************************** Feb 4 - Over on ScoopsWrestling.com, Al Isaacs announces a brand new partnership with Andrew Blake Productions, and becomes the Official Pro-Wrestling Content Supplier of the Softcore Porn Industry™. ************************************************************************************************************** Feb 5 - WOW Magazine's Bill Apter tries passing a motion that would allow staffers to walk naked within the WOW offices, but the rest of the staff is against it. A subsequent campaign is launched in both WOW and WrestleLine to urge fans to write in and flood the offices in support of Apter's suggestion. ************************************************************************************************************** Feb 7 - The crowd at the Tulsa, OK Civic Center is shocked when Vince "Powers That Be" Russo introduces a newer, hipper, english-speaking Ultimate Warrior to the audience. Finally able to understand what the man is saying, fans discover Warrior's sensitive side. ************************************************************************************************************** Feb 8 - The Rock out for 3 months after spraining the People's Eyebrow. ************************************************************************************************************** Feb 9 - Jerry Lynn just says to hell with it and has those damn pesky ribs removed. ************************************************************************************************************** Feb 12 - The inevitable occurs, as iWrestling.com is named the iWrestling.com Cool Site of the Week. ************************************************************************************************************** Feb 14 - Test completes his transformation into Kevin Nash by leaving the WWF at the height of his popularity to go book himself as champion in WCW. ************************************************************************************************************** Feb 19 - Wal-Mart removes all Lego sets from their shelves due to the controversy surrounding the fact that each package contains severed heads and other assorted limbs. ************************************************************************************************************** Feb 22 - After renaming him 'Vince' and then 'Shane', WCW tries to teach the WWF yet another lesson by renaming the former Virgil 'Stephanie'. Stephanie will get abnormally attached to his new name and start engaging in questionable off-hour activities. ************************************************************************************************************** Feb 27 - At WrestleMania, all 30 winners of last month's Royal Rumble face Triple-H for the Heavyweight Title, and in a precedent-setting turn of events, everyone pins eachother at the same time and all become World Champion... except for Al Snow, who somehow managed not to pin anyone. ************************************************************************************************************** Feb 29 - In a featured editorial on WrestleLine.com, WOW Magazine's Bill Apter tells us the untold story of his role in introducing Wayne Gretzky to the sport of Hockey. ************************************************************************************************************** Mar 2 - ScoopThis.com changes its mind and announces v4.0, becoming the All-Canadian Parody Website, focusing its attention exclusively on Mike Bullard, Sarah McLaughlan, the Toronto Maple Leafs, and more Bret Hart than ever before! ************************************************************************************************************** Mar 8 - The WWF releases a statement apologizing for the accidental brief intercourse shot that somehow got by the censors on Raw two nights ago, and promises to keep a closer eye on its product. ************************************************************************************************************** Mar 10 - Blake Norton is fired by IGN but somehow immediately finds a spot working for Entertainment Weekly. ************************************************************************************************************** Mar 13 - In an effort to boost sagging ratings, WCW cuts their Monday Nitro show down to 1 hour, so as to not dilute quarter-hour breakdowns. ************************************************************************************************************** Mar 14 - Bob Ryder threatens to sue someone somewhere over something. ************************************************************************************************************** Mar 20 - In a featured editorial on WrestleLine.com, WOW Magazine's Bill Apter tells us the untold story of his role in introducing John Lennon to Yoko Ono. ************************************************************************************************************** Mar 23 - ScoopThis.com announces the return of writer Jarrod Triplett. ************************************************************************************************************** Mar 24 - Jarrod Triplett quits ScoopThis.com. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 3 - Hulk Hogan makes his WWF re-debut on Raw in Los Angeles, but retires again halfway down the entrance ramp, setting a new record. Extra and The Tonight Show cover the event in depth. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 5 - ScoopsWrestling.com announces that hardcore porn star Ron Jeremy will take over for Chris Hyatte writing the weekly Mop-Ups. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 6 - ScoopsWrestling.com management is shocked when it realizes Ron Jeremy misunderstood the meaning of the term "Mop-Up" after his first edition. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 8 - The ratings are in and Ron Jeremy's hardcore Mop-Ups are a smash hit. After a token apology that stays online for only 4 minutes (breaking the 7-minute record held by Chris Hyatte's apology to Brian Sullivan in November 99), Ron is rewarded with an interview with WCW's Tony Schiavone. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 10 - WCW Nitro Main Event: Sid, Goldberg, Hogan and Meng will fight in a No Sold Moves match. First person to actually sell a move loses and must retire. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 13 - Meteorite hits earth and completly levels Tokyo. Toshiaki Kawada's neck said to be lightly sprained. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 15 - The Rock is audited after declaring that it didn't matter WHAT his annual taxable income is. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 16 - Vader wins the prestigious AJPW Triple Crown championship. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 17 - Vader loses the AJPW Triple Crown to Kenta Kobashi when he again makes the judgement error of simply "accepting the Ho's." ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 19 - Having run out of wrestlers to marry, Stephanie McMahon opts to marry brother Shane and signals the beginning of the McMahon-McMahon era. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 20 - Dave Scherer's new poll, "Does this shirt make me look fat" is a big hit on 1wrestling.com. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 23 - After running out of targets for his Calgary Sun editorial, Bret Hart slanders himself and questions his own sexuality. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 24 - In an effort to boost sagging ratings, WCW cuts Monday Nitro down to a 30-minute show, so as to not dilute quarter-hour breakdowns. ************************************************************************************************************** Apr 29 - ScoopsWrestling.com is proud to announce that they've just signed a contract making them the Official Pro-Wrestling Content Supplier of the Ku Klux Klan™. ************************************************************************************************************** May 1 - Bob Ryder adds 3 more advertising banner frames around 1wrestling.com, leaving a single square-inch window to surf in. ************************************************************************************************************** May 2 - Blake Norton is fired by Entertainment Weekly but somehow immediately finds a spot working for Sports Illustrated. ************************************************************************************************************** May 7 - ScoopThis.com announces they've changed their minds once again to unveil v5.0 - the all-animal parody site. Dusty The Fat Bitter Cat is joined by newcommers Peter The Pensive Tuna, Jafud The Portly Acrid Mongoose, and former WWF star Miguel Perez. ************************************************************************************************************** May 8 - The WWF releases a statement apologizing for the accidental hardcore lesbian porn that aired for a full 27 minutes at the UK pay-per-view two nights ago, and promises to keep a closer eye on its product. ************************************************************************************************************** May 16 - ScoopThis.com announces the return of writer Jarrod Triplett. ************************************************************************************************************** May 17 - Jarrod Triplett quits ScoopThis.com. ************************************************************************************************************** May 19 - Realizing that the readers are on to the fact that only Page 2 of his 7-Page Daily Lariat contains actual news and have begun going straight to that page foresaking all others, Dave Scherer inserts 17 new banners within the infamous Page 2. ************************************************************************************************************** June 2 - Blake Norton is fired by Sports Illustrated but somehow immediately takes over as head writer for the WWF. ************************************************************************************************************** June 9 - In a Litterbox update, after several testimonials from readers, Dusty The Fat Bitter Cat points out to the audience that Dave Scherer cannot ignore a critical email. As a result, thousands of fans simultaneously email Dave "You Suck!" emails just to see if they'll get a reply. ************************************************************************************************************** June 10 - 4:15 am; Dave Scherer spontaneously combusts after feverishly attempting to personally respond each and every one of the thousands of overnight critics. Bob Ryder arrives too late to save the barbecued Scherer, but makes the best of a bad situation by eating him. ************************************************************************************************************** June 27 - Even though he hasn't rejoined since quitting last, Jarrod Triplett somehow finds a way to bend reality and quit ScoopThis.com again. ************************************************************************************************************** July 1 - Experiencing marital problems at the home, WOW Magazine's Bill Apter launches a campaign in both WOW and WrestleLine encouraging fans to write in and flood Mrs Apter's mailbox with letters urging her to forgive him and give him another chance. ************************************************************************************************************** July 3 - Electronic Arts take video-game realism to new heights by releasing WCW Slapnuts, which replaces the COW (create your own wrestler) feature with a new BOW (buy your own wrestler) feature that allows players a budget to have their pick of any wrestler, announcer or writer on the competing WWF roster. ************************************************************************************************************** July 7 - Controversy in the WWF as The Rock is revealed to be a wind-up toy. The real Duane Johnson has been tied up and locked away somewhere in Vancouver, Canada since 1997. ************************************************************************************************************** July 13 - Happy Birthday! Sean 'X-Pac' Waltman turns 14. ************************************************************************************************************** July 14 - In a featured editorial on WrestleLine.com, WOW Magazine's Bill Apter tells us the untold story of his role in the discovery of nuclear fusion. ************************************************************************************************************** July 21 - Stonecold Steve Austin delivers a moving and powerful performance as the sensitive homosexual sidekick in Jack Nicholson's latest movie. Talk of a possible Oscar. ************************************************************************************************************** July 30 - Blake Norton is fired as head writer for the WWF but immediately takes over a small nation in the Middle-East. ************************************************************************************************************** Aug 1 - Mae Young gives birth live on Raw. DNA tests show the child was fathered by Scott Hall. ************************************************************************************************************** Aug 3 - Eric Bischoff is spotted hanging out with Arsenio Hall, Vanilla Ice and Gary Coleman. ************************************************************************************************************** Aug 4 - Over at ScoopsWrestling.com, Al Isaacs announces that they've just signed a new partership with the Makharov family of southern Moscow, becoming the Official Pro-Wrestling Content Supplier of the Russian Mafia™. ************************************************************************************************************** Aug 8 - Hulk Hogan introduces his own wrestling federation, the Hollywood Wrestling Federation, which will feature Hogan getting pinned by a new celebrity guest at every main event. ************************************************************************************************************** Aug 13 - In a featured editorial on WrestleLine.com, WOW Magazine's Bill Apter tells us the untold story of his role in the fall of the Berlin Wall. ************************************************************************************************************** Aug 15 - In an effort to win their first quarter-hour against WWF Raw, WCW cuts their Monday Nitro show down to a single 15-minute segment, so as to not dilute the quarter-hour breakdown. ************************************************************************************************************** Aug 17 - The ratings are in, and the trimmed-down 15-minute Nitro program still managed to lose its only quarter-hour. While running unopposed. ************************************************************************************************************** Sep 2 - Hulk Hogan refuses to do the job to Melissa Joan-Hart, and retires from the HWF. Extra and The Tonight Show cover the event in depth. ************************************************************************************************************** Sep 11 - In an effort to attract attention from the edgier WWF product, Randy Savage bares his privates in a shoot WCW Nitro in-ring monologue. In his next Notes From Bob column, Bob Ryder defends the act by claiming that unlike what you see in the WWF, this was tastefully done. ************************************************************************************************************** Sep 17 - Blake Norton is overthrown by the occupants of his small Middle-East nation, but is immediately boarded onto an alien ship and offered a throne presiding over our universe. ************************************************************************************************************** Sep 18 - On Nitro, the hummer driver is finally revealed. ************************************************************************************************************** Sep 24 - Terry Funk finally retires. For good. No really. Seriously, he ain't coming back. Ok, maybe just for one more match. ************************************************************************************************************** Sep 25 - In an effort to boost sagging ratings, WCW cuts their Monday Nitro show down to a single 30-second commercial to be aired during WWF Raw on USA, AND FINALLY WINS A FRACTION OF A QUARTER-HOUR... in the middle of the competition's show... on the competition's network... using the competition's talent and writers... BUT WINS NONETHELESS! High-fives all around the WCW offices! ************************************************************************************************************** Oct 9 - In another news update, Al Isaacs announces that ScoopsWrestling.com is now partnered with Iraqi armed forces to become the Official Pro-Wrestling Content Supplier of International Terrorism™. ************************************************************************************************************** Oct 14 - Chris Benoit's push comes to a screaching halt as he decides that it's once again time to start screwing the booker's wife. ************************************************************************************************************** Nov 21 - ScoopThis.com realizes where the money is, and announces yet another format change in v6.0 as they become the Bob Ryder Parody Site. All Ryder, all the time; as live camera feeds follow Bob 24 hours a day, with Trey Conway calling the action. ************************************************************************************************************** Dec 5 - Bob Ryder threatens a libel suit against ScoopThis.com; STc's ratings go through the roof. Trey Conway is Knighted in England. Bob, of course, drops the suit. ************************************************************************************************************** Dec 6 - Blake Norton is stripped of his Universal Emperor title when he fails to kiss the proper intergalactic asses, but somehow almost immediately strikes a deal with God to handle the daily runnings of all creation. How does he do it!? ************************************************************************************************************** Dec 7 - In a featured editorial on WrestleLine.com, WOW Magazine's Bill Apter tells us the untold story of his role in the Birth of Christ. He is subsequently fired by WOW Magazine. ************************************************************************************************************** Dec 15 - In a written press release, ScoopsWrestling.com and the Grim Reaper are proud to announce that a deal has been struck to make the website the first Official Pro-Wrestling Content Supplier of Death™. ************************************************************************************************************** I FOUND THIS ON SCOOP THIS.COM. IT'S THE FUNNIEST WRESTLING HUMOR THAT I HAVE EVER READ. ************************************************************************************************************** http://www.scoopthis.com **************************************************************************************************************

    ..You Know That You're Obsessed With Wrestling When.

    Email: indywebmaster@angelfire.com