i don't buy cosmo to look at anorexic broads in coutre. it's an advice magazine, you knowww, except you never get you-poor-depraved-child looks. i can purchase cosmo without my sisters id. even at the 711. i can flip through it in front of my mum.

i've read that after 15 seconds of looking through a chick zine a womens self esteem goes down 8%. the sex advice is always near page 120, be careful though, cos the fashion layouts are dangerously close to the articles. you must conserve your self esteem for the cosmo moves. every few months they'll actually show diagrams of mostly old, but some yet to be unexplored positions, and a crappy article with real life couples, probably fat, telling of their experiance. the diagram is all you need. well, yeah you need a guy to try em out on (and always always always always your nubby little friend, lifestyles is not your friend though. many friends of mine rushed to take their preven after using these bustable crap craps, fyi)

of course i just intimidate guys so bad that i haven't been able to test out my knowledge. the diagrams look fun. when i think about them i smile to myself. just to myself. everyone thinks i'm nuts. I'm not nuts i'm horny! i'd appreciate nuts!

i could be doing the horizontal mambo right now if it weren't for my fat phobia. that one roll, that one little sweaty roll, looking like a sweaty hot dog, scares me so bad that my hymen takes cover.

i don't think i should bring up a hot dog when i'm talking about my unwanted abstinence. hey, if i could resist a large sweaty testicle man i can resist a hot dog.