Candies that fizz

Dollars are things that i must spend. When it's late at night and i find a dollar, i go shopping at the 711. Because i go late night buck shopping so often, i'm down with the many kinds of candy they have at the 711. Yesterday, to my suprise, They shipped in a new kind of candy. What attracted me most was the use of the word "fizz". Fizz. Makes me feel all warm and bubbly.

The back of the package instructs me on how to eat... 1. you enjoy the flavour
2. the fizzing action starts
3. You become on of us...

DRUGS! at the dear old 711! here is my buck, thank you, come again.

I went back home and lighted some incense, sang "inagoddadavida babeee!" but on a strobe light, and ate my dru... candy. Now see, i'm supposed to turn into one of the various bug eyed cartoons on the back. The smell of incense died and the strobe light fizzed and stopped. Nothing happened to me! I was still human! I wanted to be a little bug eyed monster with no feet!

711 opened the next morning so i stomped over there weilding fizzy non-hallucinogenic candy. My fan club was there this morning, a group of 20 somethings that have a thing with chicks who look like they have no feet. Alright suckas, this is friggin false advertisment and i want my gd money back. And i got my money back. How much do i like these guys when they're not staring down my shirt!

thank you, come again