food of the gods

Yuppie Food

When you get tired of going to the deli on the corner and buying hoagies, be afraid. Be very afraid. You might be turning into a yuppie. When i was talking about hoagies to my yuppie friend, she stared at me with a blank expression on her face. "Hoagies? Is that, like, some kind of salad?". Uh, No. I explained to her that a hoagie is one of those long rolls with lettuce, tomatos, pickles, mayo, pepper, and whatever kind of cheese you want on it (but not meat, meat is bad) She blinked and said "oh, like, you mean a sub?". Then i had a blank expression on my face.

It was hot, i was tired. I couldn't make it to the store. My food supply of ramen noodles, fruit roll ups, and cheese hoagies was dwindling. What did i do? I went to my yuppie friends house and ate her food! Duh! That's what friends are for.

EW! I force fed myself tasteless crap! Dove Bar? What the hell is a dove bar? It's this ice cream that's covered in brown cardboard. Melba Rounds? "crackers". ah huh huh. This is yuppie food. Normal people do not subject themselves to this cardboard crap that yuppies try to call food.

After that traumatic day i noticed that i was buying tofu and organic cheese. AHHH!

Okay, not all yuppie food is bad. Just most of it. Vegetarian yuppie food rocks. Tofutti is fake ice cream. It's baaad in a good way. Yes, i would consider a garden burger to be yuppie food. It's great. Mushroom and rice is my fave, i burn it! bbq! If you can't buy it at McDonalds, well. ah huh huh.

Please, don't exclude all ghetto food from your diet. Remember your roots. Get that hoagie once in a while.

Fruit Roll Ups are utterly utterly ghetto. You can have a balanced diet by eating a yuppie muffin.


Tasteless Crap