how to cover up fda violations

like every one room ice cream shack we have our conspiracies. i* eat cheese out of the buckets...not only double dipping, eating pounds of spicy hot yellow welfare cheese without washing the spoon unless you count licking it clean. we never wash out the caramel bins but we do avoid the fungus... i shouldnt say we cos belmar* scrapes it off onto sundaes for folks she's confilctin with. and jaheemo* does some of the most putrid crap including putting half eaten ice cream he found deserted on the tables outside back into the mixer. your probaby in the bathroom puckin right now. how do we pass inspection, ju say?

we are nice folks with forked tounges. when people ask abou the slime in their cheese or the blue stuff in their sundaes or the crust in their ice cream, it is the all natural preservative free methods of preparation that give our food a tasty god given look and flavour. now that's bad, right?

how bout the many things there are no excuses for that people don't see. i always find bees floating in the stawberry syrup, the soda syrup and the marschino cherry syrup. these are mad bees usually alive, too, and to take them out of the paralyzing thick syrup is to commit suicide. so i have to kill them while they are still in the juices with two spoons. i crush it to death and shed a tear for the poor dead bee. those "natural stems and stumps from (fill in the blank) and other fruits" you see are actually bee parts.

still it doesn't answer the inspection question. were never there to let them in. actually we hide in the dark deep freezer till they stop knocking. then we send a big check. i love america.


*all names have been changed it's them! quick, to the freeze chambers!