call me gross, call me wierd. i love farting and blaming it on other people. i do not have smelly farts, maybe that is why i love to fart so much. that nice feeling of release and that knowing feeling that you did it and that ha ha feeling when you give he old man a dirty look. makes me feel good.

i say if it doesn't smell let it rip. be careful, though, cos if you get used to your own stank arse you might wonder why people are dropping like flys around you. get a nice farting buddy to smell your farts for you. make sure you tell this person when you fart or, well, i don't think you'd like talking to a dead friend. too stiff.

see, i learned that farting is au natural and should be celebrated in public after years of holding it in. people try to hold it in or let it out painfully slow. When i was sitting on the el letting my fart out slow. after five minutes i was like, man i could be doing something else, and let it all out. It was the greatest moment of my life.

soon i was enjoying the fart life. i made farting games, like standing next to people and running away when the fart came. and using some super fart muscles for elevator like fart music. today when i feel a burp coming on, i go "oh no, you go down south, buddy". next thing you know your listening to girl from ipanema.

move to the rear