Many a folks have warned me that this crazy fat guy is stalking me, and i do so get a kick out of it. if i happen to turn around one day and he's behind me, what does he think he'll do? hide behind a bush? that bush would have to be a tree, large and leaf-y. besides, with all those witnesses on the streets of the city, he'd have to get and go. it's a well known fact that the fatty can't run with all the flab dragging behind him. But once in a while i am walking slow in a dark alley way, and yes yes yes i'm an easy target. that's why they created MACE!

I would walk around all smirking with the mace in my pocket. i was wishing fatty would be around me so i would have an excuse to try it out. One day i decided to go for a walk around my neighborhood. I lived in the same house for 7 years and i have not seen the west side of the neighborhood. The mace came along with me. I put it in my school bag and planned to do an elaine attack. If neccesary, of course.

The neighborhood is so lovely, it's like suburbia. I've only seen pictures of suburbia but i never went there. it's like the pictures. there's a suprising amount of kids around. people have LAWNS! LAWWWNNNS! i NEVER seen a LAWN before. it boggled my senses. i went home. I went to sleep. I went to school the next day.

As i was looking in my bag for rubberbands to hook on to my braces (the vulgar creature i am, putting rubberbands in my mout in public view is kinda funny to me but not at all disturbing or gross) (yeah sure) all of a sudden i saw my mace. The newly aquired metal detectors in my school probably would have caught on, even though the name says otherwise. see, they're just testing you to see if you'll bring weapons of any sort to school and don't rely on guns for protection, cos then they know you are frikkin dangrus. I got off the bus, went on the train, and devised a plan... i would put my mace on the counter thing where you walk through in the el and come back for it later. I didn't want to throw it out cos then how would i protect myself from fatty?

I was about to do it, then i realised what a stupid moronic thing it was to depend on this mace to keep me protected when i could be using brute force. It was chucked. The tears dried up eventually, really.


if you find it in the dump, i want it back