[The entire group, except Joey is sitting around Central Perk. Pheobie is at the end of the couch with her guitar, next to her is Monica and then Chandler. Ross is in the chair and Rachel is reading at the table. Ross and Rachel are not going out. Joey enters excitedly.]
Joey: Hey guys I got the part in the best commercial!!!
Chandler: Does this one involve eating food that is intended for a pet? [Monica kinda laughs]
Joey: Umm...don’t rub it in, I wasn’t that fortunate.
Chandler: The scarey this is that he serious, Lady open your eyes the interests of eligible bachelor number one include: Baywatch, baseball, and eating cat food in his spare time.
Joey: No Chandler, that’s like a fifth date, or something your tell her once your married kinda thing, you better watch it, you know that kinda thing could get you into trouble.
Chandler: Thanks Joe, I’ll be careful.
Pheobie: I sense sarcasm in Chandlers aura, it seems flushed, unsettled, and like ewwie gooey!
Chandler: Thanks Pheebes.
Phoebe: Oh sure anytime, you know I could clean it for you, but no, we could make a song out of this. [everyone but Pheobie groans]. No stop this could be fun:
Who’s ewwie gooey
Who’s ewwie gooey
Chandler is
Chandler is [pause]
Chandler’s aurora
Is umm...hibora ding dong ding
Ross: Pheebs, hidora isn’t a word.
Phoebe: Oh well yeah once you get technical, but I figure it’s one those words when it sounds like a word so people think well maybe it is you know? I mean it would take like a scientist guy to prove it wrong and the chances of one showing up in the audience are like um none.
Ross: I rest my case [he waves his hands in disgust].
***OPENING CREDITS***
[We see the girls apartment, Monica is washing dishes, Pheobie is behind her and Rachel in looking in the refrigerator.]
Rachel: Oh Chandler I loooove you
Pheobie: I loooove you too [they start making kissy noises at Monica]
Monica: What exactly are you trying to imply?[Rachel looks at Pheobie and they get louder]
Pheobie: Awww, she’s in denial [continues with noises]
Monica: I do not have a crush on Chandler!
Rachel: Oh yeah sure...[makes more kissy noises] you just flirt with him uncontrollably.
Monica:[kinda smiling to herself] I do not flirt with Chandler.
Pheobie: Yes you do, like crazy, you laugh at his jokes and you lay on his shoulder and look at his butt when he leaves the room...
Monica: I DO NOT!
Rachel: Yes you do [they start making more kissy noises]. Honey, remember when Ben was born? He was all over you. [Pheobie starts acting this out] He hugged you, he offered to have a baby with you, he had his arm around you...
Monica: So...we’re just good friends.
Pheobie: [mocking] we’re good friends [makes more kissy noises].
[We cut to Joey and Chandler’s apartment. Both are present, Ross is not. Chandler is doing dishes and Joey is in his chair facing the TV].
Joey: Chandler I loooove you, oh Monica I loooove [he starts making kissy noises].
Chandler: Excuse me? [Joey makes louder noises] You think I flirt with Monica?
Joey: Oh Monica, I’ll be your boyfriend at the beach, I’ll pee on you, I’ll have a baby with you, I put my arm around you, I look at your ass when you leave the room.
Chandler: Nu uh! [Joey continues with his noises] I do not love Monica!
Joey: oh nooo, when I moved in you just said "hands off" because...
Chandler: Your Joey
Joey: But at that time you didn’t know that...[Joey stops and looks up], wait a minute, are you saying I hit on every pretty girl I see...
Chandler: Yes!
Joey, ok cool man just checking, Monica does have a hot ass, and I bet she a good kisser too-[Chandler interrupts]
Chandler: Keep you HANDS OFF her!!! I mean eeewww, Monica?
Joey: I rest my case lover boy!
Chandler: No...childhood traumas coming back....must inflict humor...
Joey: Your hot for her, maybe it’s loooove [he makes kissy noises]
[We cut to the girls apartment]
Rachel: Do you want him?
Pheobie: We know you do, or maybe when I moved in you said, "hands off" for nothing.
Monica:[shouting very very loud] I DO NOT WANT CHANDLER!!!!
[Joey and Chandler run in, upon Monica’s yelling]
Chandler: Yeeees?
Monica: They were making fun of me...
Chandler: Aw honey, not letting you play hopscotch with the big girls [he hugs her, her head is on his shoulder and his head is in hers. Joey, Pheobie, and Rachel make kissy noises. Ross walks in.]
Ross: What are we doing?
Rachel: We’re making kissy noises at Monica and Chandler, wanna help?
Ross: Sure, wait no, eeewww.[Rachel shrugs and turns away. Joey leaves for a minute and comes back with a big glass bottle.]
Joey: Ok this will settle it, we can play spin the bottle tonight and we’ll see who’s jealous [he looks at Chandler and Monica].
Chandler: That’s fi, fi , um...fine with me
Phoebe: Ok but if Monica get Ross do they have to kiss on the lips ‘cause that’s just icky [everyone looks at Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Just asking cranky pants people.
Rachel: It’s settled, our place, tonight at 8:30, be here, and pizza on Chandler, because he has a real job.
Chandler: What?
Pheobie: [at Chandler] Yeah, we’ll see what happened, Mr. Blushing aura.
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*
[At 8:30 Chandler and Joey come into the girls apartment with a bottle and couch cushions to sit on. They all sit in a circle on a cushion with the bottle in the middle.]
Pheobie: Oh Chandler, your girlfriend is blushing.
Chandler: For the love of God leave my alone!
Pheobie: No denial, wa hooo. Anyway I assume we can all be adults about whatever happens. [Everyone looks at Ross]
Ross: What, you don’t think I can handle my sister possibly kissing my best friend?!
Rachel: Lets just say put your money where your mouth is. 50 bucks says if Monica kisses Chandler, or vise versa you can’t sit there okey dokey and quiet.
Ross: Done!
Phoebe: ok, rules, well duh!, and um no brother kissing sister and stuff, no men kissing me or you know the other way around. Ok who’s first? [there is a pause] Oh ok, I will then you wimpy meat eating people. [Phoebe spins, she get Ross. He looks surprised since she is right next to him.]
Phoebe: Ok pucker Palaeontologist. [She kisses him as Rachel cringes]
[Ross spins, he gets Joey and then Monica and finely Rachel. He blushes and kisses Rachel. Rachel spins and gets Joey.]
Joey: Ok babe, you are lucky, you get to kiss Joey. [Rachel kisses him]
Rachel: Wow, um spin Joe. [Joey spins and gets Chandler, then Ross, he spins again and get Rachel.]
Monica: Rachel’s busy tonight! [Rachel kisses him this time. Ross cringes.]
[Rachel spins again and gets Chandler. She briefly kisses him and pulls away. Chandler spins and gets Monica. He leans next to him and kiss her for like 30sec. (That’s fairly long.) Ross reddens, and Rachel watches him with satisfaction.]
[Monica spins and gets Phoebe and then Chandler. She smiles, puts her hand on his shoulder, and kisses him for a very long minute. Ross turns purple, screams STOP, and separates them. Rachel smiles and Ross pays her on the spot.]
Rachel: Easiest 50 bucks I ever made. [Phoebe, Joey and Rachel start making kissy noises at Monica and Chandler.]
Joey: A whole minute Monica and Chandler gettin’ busy. [Chandler and Monica turn very red.]
Ross: SHUT-UP!
Rachel: Great I can go to Bloomingdales and buy, like half a sweater. Oh well, Ross, you couldn’t handler the pressure, just couldn’t handle it.
Ross: IT was sticking it’s tongue down my little sisters throat, and enjoying it!
Chandler: Was not!
Phoebe: Stop the insanity! Your aurora’s are out of control!! Shut-up and spin Chandler!!! [Everyone gets quiet and Chandler grabs the bottle.] Dude!
[Chandler spins and gets Joey, and then Pheobie, they kiss very quickly, and Pheobie pulls away.]
Pheobie: Ok I think everyone’s been kissed.
Joey: I’ll bring the bottle home.
Rachel: I guess I’ll recycle these soda bottles.
Phoebe: Oh, I’ll help I love doing that!
Ross: I gotta go home and sleep, I have Ben tomorrow. [All four of them exit.]
Chandler: This is awkward. [He stands up and helps Monica up. She puts her arms around his neck , while his are around her waist. The start to passionately kiss. Rachel suddenly swings the door open, Monica and Chandler are so shocked that it takes them a minute to separate.]
Rachel/Phoebe/Joey: Gotcha!!!
Chandler: This was a set up! [ He stops hugging Monica.]
Rachel: and someone took advantage of it! [Later everyone but Ross is in the apartment.]
Chandler: Maybe I DID look at her ass for a while when she left the room.
Monica: Maybe I did the same, but you’re so cute. [She kisses him and everyone else makes kissy noises.]
*ENDING CREDITS*
[We see the boys apartment at night. It is dark but we can still see. We see Joey sneak out and go to the refrigerator. He takes out a can and a spoon and starts to eat, it is assumed to be cat food.]
Joey: Mmmm, real meat chunks!
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