TOW the broom

Hi Again guys and girls! I’m back with another fan fiction. For this one, everyone knows about Monica and Chandler. (Well that’s all you need to know so enjoy. Don’t forget to email me with feedback (I need feedback for the others too)!

[Everyone is in the girls apartment. Monica is kind of on Chandlers lap. The TV is on. Monica, Chandler, and Pheebs are on the couch, Ross is in the chair, and Rachel and Joey are at the table with a lot of paperwork. Joey’s not really helping though. Pheobie is watching the TV and Ross switches the channel.]

Pheobie: Ross! I was watching that!

Ross: Pheebs I’m tired of handing you tissues.

Pheobie: It was just so sad *sniff* .

Chandler: Ross, it couldn’t have been that bad. [Pheobie turns it back on .]

Ross: Weren’t you paying attention! The thing was part of the "The World’s Coming to and End" mini-series. This one was entitled Murder: Destruction of the Rainforest. Did you hear any of it?

Chandler: No

Monica: We were cuddling.

Ross: You sicken me.

Pheobie: NOOOO! Not Mr. Tree!!! Stop!!!!. [Ross switches the channel.]

Pheobie: [Her head comes up from her hands.] Ewww! Looney Tunes. Now this is awful.

Ross: What? Looney Tunes were a part of my childhood. Are...you...you don’t like Looney Tunes?

Pheobie: Well for starters it like sets like a bad example for children-

Ross: What what what...no it doesn’t how?

Pheobie: Especially Donald Duck. I mean what kind of example do they set?

Ross: A darn good one! What is you point Looney Tunes is a great thing, what’s wrong with Donald ?

Chandler: So you’re on a first name basis now?

Ross: Why do they set such a bad example?

Pheobie: They Aren’t Wearing any Pants!

Ross: Sooo....

Pheobie;: [mocking him] Sooo..., so I mean out there they’s some pants less kid and his mom and dad are shouting. Nooo! Die Looney Tunes!!!

Ross: That’s crazy!

Joey: Dude, it’s like pron for tots! [Pheobie and Ross hit him with couch pillows.]

***Theme Song***

[Chandler and Monica are in Monica’s room lying on her bed. They are wearing pyjamas.]

Monica: [Lightly kisses him.] You are so cute I just want to kiss you every time I see you. [She gives him 3 butterfly kisses].

Chandler: [Giggles and blushes.] And you are so pretty that I just want to....Monica?

Monica: Yes?

Chandler: Monica you know I left these pyjamas here overnight. I got Dressed today and left them.

Monica: Yeah. [Looking guilty.]

Chandler: Did you wash my boxers and t-shirt?

Monica: Umm...umm how did you know?

Chandler: They smell like snuggle.

Monica: Well if they say so. She kisses him. We fade out.

[We see Rachel and Joey at the table with a bunch of papers.]

Rachel: Joey put that down!

Joey: Come on Rachel, everyone lies on their résumé. When they see it they’re expecting to be fooled, take it from me I’m a pro.

Rachel: Joey how long has it been since you had a gig?

Joey: Well...it’s not quantity it’s quality.

Rachel: Fine but I’m not putting on here that I was a Gerber baby. And, what? No Joey you have to erase this I wasn’t on Sesame Street either!

Joey: You don’t have to say you were on Sesame Street you just have to hint that you have connections.

Rachel: What kind of connections on Sesame Street would impress a board of fashion designers!?

Joey: Well I don’t know say...say you dated Ernie or something.

Rachel: Joey! This is a fashion résumé not an acting résumé!

Joey: Rachel if you want to get a better job you have to impress people. You have to hint that you have connections. Watch and learn. [He gets up and does a funny walk. He sits in a chair.]

Joey: Yes, yes, you know my friends at Ralph Lauren think that I have talent, yeah good old Ralph, Ralphie...good old Ralphie....

Rachel: Joey that was awful! If you did that you would never get a job.

Joey: ooooohh!!! [clears his throut] I mean oh yes of course.

[They hear the buzzer that someone is downstairs trying to come in.]

Rachel: Yes?

Ross: It’s me Rach. I left my key at home.

Rachel: Ok come on up. Joey what are you doing? Stop that! I didn’t model for Barbie! [Rachel pulls the pen from his hand.]

Ross: Hey guys! What’s up Rach. How’s going Joey?

Rachel: Well you look perkey. Did you get a date?

Joey: Do you get to go back to work?

Rachel: Did you buy some new pants?

Joey: Oh I know! Carol isn’t gay anymore! [Rachel hits him on the head with a rolled up résumé/]

Ross: No, no , no and no, I just got a little part time job testing coffee!!!

[Rachel and Joey look down like nothing happened and continue writing.]

Ross: I have to go in a minute, but this is so cool! I have a basket for you guys and Joey and Chandler too. It has cinnamon, chocolate, Hawaii blend...[Rachel pushes him out the door as he talks but he doesn’t notice and she locks the door.]

Rachel: He was scaring me.

Ross: [From outside the door] I’ll just leave them by the door!

[Rachel waits a minute and then opens the door to find Pheobie at the other end.]

Pheobie: Ooh! I knew you’d do that.

Rachel: Great. Join the party, we got coffee.

Pheobie: No thanks Ross gave me a basket this morning. Hey this looks fun. [She takes a chair and a blank résumé.]

Joey: Pheebs, I’m trying to convince Rachel that everyone lies on their résumé and if she wants a better job she has to stretch the truth....and it’s fun. It’s like I’m making up a life.

Pheobie: [Squinting at Rachel] Name...oh you look like a Bubushkata Letetamlaota. [Rachel gives Joey a disapproving look.]

Pheobie: Psst., Joey, wha’d you put for talents and experiences in other area’s. [Joey slides his paper to Pheobie.] oh good one.

Rachel: Joey, an extra on Baywatch! No way. You guys have to stop this! [She collects the resumes and puts them all into folder.

[Monica and Chandler come out of Monica’s room in bathrobes.]

Monica: Hi guys *yawn* what are we doing.

Rachel: We were working on my résumés, but I had to stop before Joey made me the designer of clothes for Days of Our Lives.

[Joey and Pheobie shoot worried glances at each other but Rachel doesn’t see.]

Chandler: Well I’ll be back, I have to go and take a shower. [Monica and Chandler get up and walk to the door.]

Monica: I’ll miss you [kisses him].

Chandler: I’ll miss you more. [kisses her and walks out the door. Monica sighs.]

[Ross comes in right after Chandler leaves. He looks very tired.]

Monica: Coffee overhang?

Ross: Chandler would be so proud. [Monica smiles]

Rachel: Ross, honey, you look dead what happened?

Ross: I don’t know it’s like [His head falls on his shoulder and he falls asleep. Rachel gives a ‘I have no idea" look and Joey throws a grape at Ross. He wakes up suddenly.]

Ross: Helloooo everyone! Who wants coffee, huh anyone, anyone, I know you guys want some...I have Columbia Roast, Vanilla, Hazelnut...[His head leans on his shoulder and he falls asleep again.]

Rachel: Ross I don’t think this is healthy. Come over to Mr. Couch...[She leads him to the couch and he lays down

Pheobie: Well I have to get going, I am going to help with the triplets.

Rachel: Bye Pheebs, have fun. [Pheobie leaves.]

Monica: I have to go to. I have an appiontment to get my hair styled. [She goes to get dressed, comes out and leaves.]

Rachel: I have to go decide what to wear to my interview.

Joey: Need help?

Rachel: Sure, why not. [They go into her room (the door’s open) Ross awakes.]

Ross: Guys?

Rachel: In hear!

Ross: I have to pick up Ben so see you guys *yawn* later.

Rachel: Bye [He leaves]. Ok everyone’s gone...so I want to know what’s going on with Monica and Chandler, got any dirt?

Joey: oh Oh OH, they’re loud at night.

Rachel: Don’t need to know that...

Joey: Oh, ok well...Chandler walkes around in a daze, yesterday we were watching Baywatch and in between saying that they all look like Monica he said, "Could you had me a beer honey?" [Rachel giggles].

[We get that some time has passed. Pheobie and Ross walk in to the girls appartment and into Rachel room only to find clothes everywhere.]

Joey: I don’t understand it if it were me I would put on jeans and a shirt man!

Pheobie: What’s going on? Oh wait I get it Rachel’s having a mid-life cirsis, it’s ok Rachel we are all insecure!

Rachel: I am not I have an interview and nothing to wear!

Pheobie: Oh well yeah that is worse.

[We hear the door open, and Monica humming.]

Pheobie: You know what would be fun...if we pretend we aren’t here and see what she does.

Joey: Ok but if Chandler comes in and they...hmm hmm hmm then I’m closing my ey-ears.

[They all peak at Monica from the door which is a crack open.]

Monica: [At the sink talking to herself and washing dishes.] Chandler I love you...[In her man’s voice (it would be pretty funny) Do you take this cute, funny, adorable man to be you loful wedded husband to love and cherish....I do,

Rachel: I’m going to laugh if she does a Chandler voice. [Joey puts his hand over her mouth.]

Monica: [Still doing voices.] I have to go get out of these clothes, I’ll be back for the danse honey. [She goes into her room to change and Chandler comes in. Before he says anything Ross opens Rachels door and motions for him to come in. The rest of the gang fills him in. Monica returnes in older work clothing. She gets a broom as is sweeping.]

Monica: [In her Chandler voice.] Monica, will you danse with me...[in her voice] sure Chandler. [She starts dansing with the broom. We see everyone in Rachel’s room, Rachel and Chandler are about to burst.]

Monica: [In her Chandler voice] Kiss me gorgeous. She kisses the broom. Niiiiice! [she did a Joey impression]. [You hear the laughing from the audience. She resumes sweeping and danses with the broom off and on.] *sigh* I’m in love. I love you Chandler. [She kisses the broom again]. I Love you. No that’s not it...I LOVE you Chandler. No still not good. Yo! Bing! Over here get some lovin’! [We see Rachel and Pheobie bury their heads in Rachel’s bed to keep from laughing.]

Monica: [Singing (super funny!)] What the world needs now...is love, sweet love, it’s the only thing that there’s just to little of...[Joey and Chandler bury their faces in Rachel’s bed also.]

Monica: Oh my I have to pick up those tickets for the spa weekend for Chandler and I *sigh* I love you Chandler, [In her Chandler voice] I love you Monica...[She kisses the broom, grabs her purse, and walk out of the door. Once she is gone everyone comes out.]

Rachel: Oh my God!

Pheobie: I think it’s so cute! She is so in love. [The all look at Chandler]

Chandler: Hey, I love her too...I mean I’m don’t danse with a broom, but we all have our own style-

Joey: Wait wait, no you don’t danse with brooms...you call me honey by accident I hope, and you sing I love you ya ya ya in the shower...

Ross: You sing love song in the shower...[he laughs].

Chandler: I don’t have to take this now, I’m going to, to, to feed the duck! [He leaves]

Rachel: Do you think we were a little hard on him?

All: Nah

[Monica enters.]

Monica: Het guys what up?

Pheobie: oh Oh!

Monica: Yes Pheobie?

Pheobie: We’re figuring out new cool names for everyone.

Monica: Oh I can help!

Pheobie: Actually we’re done. [she signals something to Joey]

Monica: oh

Joey: Yours is Danses with brooms.

Monica: [Eyes widen] I...oh my...you guys were there?

Rachel: It’s ok honey, we don’t think any les of you because you kiss the broom, we all have our little issues. [They start laughing.]

[Monica takes her hand out of her pockets and pushes ross. We see a silver gleam on her hand.]

Ross: What was that?

Monica: What?

Ross: That silvery thing attached to your finger?

Moinca: [Blushes and puts her cheek to her shoulder.] I was going to show you but since you guys are soo mean I’m not, good day.

Rachel: Waaaaiiiiittt!! We’re really sorry. And if you see Chandler we’re sorry to him too.

Monica: Wellll...I don’t know [Chandler enters]

Chandler: Hi honey [kisses her.]

Monica: Hi.

Chandler: Ready to go?

Ross: Where are you guys going?

Joey: Duhhhhh.

Monica: We’re going to get something and we’ll bring it back here for everyone to watch, k?

Chandler: It’s like a vidio.

Pheobie: What is it about?

Monica: You’ll see [She gives Chandler a sneeky look. They leave and come back a minute later with a tape.]

Monica; let’s put this in.

Chandler: This is a thank you for how nice you were to us about our uh...habits

Monica: Like kissing brooms, that didn’t sound right did it?

Chandler: Nope, and singing in the shower...[they ut the tape in, we see Ross looking in the mirrior with his comb and gell.]

Ross: [singing Grease lightnig] Grease lighting oh Grease lightning....da da da da da....comb it now....yes yes yes! [He beging to danse and sing while gelling. The group bursts out laughing.]

Chandler &Monica: Thank you Ross...

Ross: I hate you all!

[We now see Rachel, she’s using the blender. She pushes the button on and off. Then she appears to get an idea and starts rapping to the blender. Everyone starts laughing.]

Rachel: One time thing...

Ross: Sure....hahahaha!

[We now see Pheobie. She medating.]

Pheobie; [on the tape} Ommm Ommmm. Lada Lada Lda [Oven rings. She stands up and with ere eyse closes trys to make her way to the oven, but bumps into the couch and falls. She then trys to struggle up with her eyes closed and ends up at the oven covered in clothes. Everyone starts laughing]

Pheobie: I couldn’t open my eyes....

Joey: uh...huh....

[We see the shower door and hear Chandler singing. And then we see Monica’s preformance. Then we see Joey with his penguine pal. ]

Joey: [On the tape] If only you were real...if only when I said you weren’t real you could come alive like Barney and have magical powers like superman. [He stamd up and we see is wearing a towel cape and pretends like he is flying around. Everyone laughs harder.]

Joey: I knew Monica was there the whole time...

Chandler: Sure you did.....

Monica: Well you see you guys we’re not the onlky weird ones. [She sings the superman theme song. Chandler joins in.]

*****CLOSING CREDITS******

[Everyone is watching TV.]

Ross: Pheebs, come on, you can at leased like Tiny Toones!\

Pheobie: Again no pants! I mean what kind of sleeze invents this???

Joey: Hey don’t dis the producers of Baywatch man!!!