The Chalice of Ecstasy
Being a Formula of Open-ended
Initiation
Suited for this AEon
Based upon a merger of the Tree of Perfection
with the Cup of Babalon
under the Auspices of Jupiter
Promulgated by Frater PVN,
Master of Forbidden Alchemies
-->by no Authority, other than his own<--
During 3 different opera during the first pentad of Arachnae of this
year (May 16-21, 1984 e.v.) the fleeting images which usually follow
VIIIo orgasm were `blacked-out' by an overwhelming vision which began
with Don Karr's Tree of Perfection. In earlier work with his Tree, there
had been a strong tendency for it to `evolve' gradually (yet purpose-
fully) into the Jovian Tree of expansion (Kether=Pluto, Chokmah=Uranus,
Neptune=Binah, Daa"th=Jupiter,Chesed=Venus, Geburah=Mercury,
Tiphereth= Sol, Netzach=Mars, Hod=Saturn, Yesod=Luna), with an ensuing
melt-down of the Paths into marbelized colored wax matrix as Jupiter
went `Nova' and became a star. The meltdown of the Paths `imbedded' the
Sephiroth into the `backdrop' of the Universal continuity, while
interconnecting each sphere to every other sphere by all the Paths.
But in these 3 opera, the transition was abrupt & without any hint
of progression (like switching energy states by means of a quantum
leap).
What happened next was common to all 3 visions, but the detail of
resolution of the vision has improved with repetition.
First: Jove/Daa"thgoes `nova' & becomes a self-luminous body.
Its color is Royal blue rayed with filaments of fine orangey gold which
emmanate as fine spider-webbed strands from the center of the Sphere
& progressively become twisted snake-like pseudopods which extend
beyond the boundary of the Sphere of Daa"thto touch the marbelized
back-drop of Paths (very lightly, like a spider testing her web for
distant thrummings).
Second: The sun turns brilliant lemon-yellow with a network of royal
purple strands (much like Jove's strands, but much finer in texture).
Luna becomes a grail-shaped crescent of electric ultra-violet. Saturn
becomes so black it looks more like a void than a color. Mars becomes a
bright blood-red. Venus becomes an iridescent Kelly green while Mercury
becomes a rich glowing psychedelic pumpkin orange.
Third: The Tree then begins to fold over itself & take on a palpable
three-dimensionality. The upper 4 Sephiroth fold outward, so that the
plane which defines them lies perpendicular to the axis of the Tree.
Each of these 4 spheres becomes an iridescent narcotic gemstone on the
rim of a celestial chalice. Kether becomes a brilliant white star (Sothis),
Uranus becomes a `justified' higher vibration of Mercury (feminine
emphatic androgyne whose anus has been filled with the semen of his
children) & becomes a shining pearl [i.e., Uranus who ate his
children becomes your-anus who receives the seed of his children in
joy]. The sterile mother at Binah becomes the three-pronged transmitter
of the energies of the Trident of Set. Each of her prongs is tipped with
a jewel (ruby, emerald & a royal blue stone) of the same crystaline
composition.
Sol becomes the point at which the bowl of the chalice joins the stem.
Venus & Mercury become twin serpents which emmanate from Sol (like
distended sperm) & encircle the inner surface of the bowl 3-1/2
times The between Sol & the rim of the cup. Looking down on the rim,
Mercury spirals deosil & touches the rim twixt Jove & Uranus;
Venus spirals widdershins & meets the rim twixt Sothis &
Neptune. Sol then elongates into a pillar of yellow fire with a surface
network of royal purple `veins' which distends downward to touch the
Lunar Crescent. The Lunar Crescent then moves up thru the Sun & into
the bowl of the chalice, where it atomizes into a vaporous electrical
dew, the color of the light transmitted by a Wratten 18A filter
(infra-red + ultra-violet, with no visible light transmitted). Saturn
& Mars move inward to stand beside the pillar of fire like the red
& black testicles of the Maha lingam. The marbelized paths become
the shell of the body of the chalice -- providing passive background
support & communication among all of the Sephiroth.
The rim of the chalice then begins to vibrate (like a wet finger rubbed
along the rim of a crystal goblet filled with fine wine) as a `mating
call' to those who would drink from the cup of initiation. The black
Saturnian testicle represents the in-drawing of sexual power during
periods of silence, while the red Martial testicle represents the
outward surge of spontaneous orgasm during periods of speech. The golden
phallus transmits both of these energies to the cup of Babalon, where it
is structured & directed by the twin haploid lion-serpents (Mercury
& Venus) within the menstruum of the trans-Abysal Lunar `fluid',
called Purpura of Ghee -- a specialized form of Azoth. The royal road
(purple network on the solar Maha-Lingam) absorbs a portion of the
Purpura of Ghee for the education & enlightenment of the red and
black testicles (whose Office is to wear masks of imbalance upon the
outer).
Who (Hu?) is to drink from this chalice of ecstasy? Certainly not he who
channeled its contents thru the Spheres of the outer Order. Certainly
not she who refined the elixir by means of the feminine & masculine
principles of Alchemy and concentrated it within the cup of Babalon. We
are often warned of the dire consequences if the Whore of Babalon drinks
from her own cup. Who is to drink from this Chalice? Is it reserved for
the Gods alone, or are there also certain classes of mere mortals who
may safely imbibe its contents as well?
The Whore of Babalon shares her cup with all, for she knows that no man
may taste of its hidden delights save thru the purity of his heart &
the transparency of his soul. The contents of her cup is the Elixir of
Immortality of the Gods, yet it may be drunk by anyone who is Fool
enough to actively seek initiation.
The rim Sephiroth are transmitters/emitters of energy and modes of
specialization. Drink from each in turn, or all at once. The serpents
channel, temper, & skulpt the energy of the cup in accord with Will.
Their venom is deadly, while their kiss is ecstasy. The aspirant is the
Dove who descends upon the cup from beyond the microcosm of the
Alchemist.
He (the dove being active in approach to the Cup is masculine, while the
cup of the Chalice is Feminine) bears the host (the army of his
un-tempered desires & un-tested aspirations) as a token `payment'
for a taste of the dew of immortality. The host transforms the cup even
as the Dove is transformed by her, for initiation is rarely one-way.
* * *
More details gained while in half-awake state after a phone call awoke
me this morning (23 May,`84). I was drifting back to sleep when images
of the Chalice of Ecstacy worked their way into my consciousness. I saw
that the black & red scrotal Sephiroth were concentrations derived
from the Jachin/Boaz pillars of the old Tree. The black sphere of Saturn
embodies the essence of Jachin (God makes him firm) as the outer symbol
for the formula of karezza. In this formula, the male ejaculatory
current is reversed & repeated stimulation causes a Saturnian
in-drawing of vital essence from the trans-Abyssal cup to nourish the
Will. The red sphere of Mars is the embodiment of Boaz (eagerness,
strength) which represents the spontaneous & auto-motive orgasm
which is beyond the conscious control of the Alchemist. Together they
symbolize the formula of IT (the un-manifest & manifest phallus) --
see Crowley's comments on the Book of Lies.
I then began to see the Chalice on other levels. The Chalice of Ecstacy
is the fruit of the Tree of initiation which is also a map of the
esoteric nervous system of the Magus. To those `outside' of the Magus's
Universe, the Chalice appears very feminine & passive (for they are
unable to perceive the dynamic Yin/Yang inner workings of the scrotum
& Lingam).
The aspirant is the male dove who comes to drink the nectar of
transformation. Thus, the members of the outer Order are men, while the
aspirants to the inner Order are women.
Those who have attained to the inner Order embody both the Masculine
virtues of the Outer Order, & the Feminine virtues of the Second
Order.
The members of the trans-Abyssal Third Order seek always for further
initiation. They work continuously to integrate new initiations into the
fabric of their beings. They are ever ready to offer what they have to
those aspirants who desire to drink of their Cup. The members of the
Third Order are divine gynanders -- those feminine emphatic androgynes
who embody the quintessence of the Alchemical Marriage. The substance of
their Chalice is their uniqueness which sets each of them apart from
other members of the Third Order. The contents of the Chalice is a
distillation of Azoth -- the Universal Solvent. The body of the
Alchemist must be inert to to the actions of the Purpura of Ghee, else
it will dissolve in ecstasy & cease to manifest as a unique entity.
However, the Alchemist seeks always to expose h-im/er-self to the Azoth
of other Chalices in the hope that s/he may attain dissolution. The
dynamic balance of the testicles of Jachin & Boaz are crucial to
this on-going task.
The developing symbolism in these visions is wondrous to me, yet its
practical application seems so obvious to me that I feel I must be
missing something. But, in the interest of completeness, allow me to
belabor the obvious.
The lower 2 spheres are a specialized application of the energies of
Mars & Saturn to the task of Sexual Alchemy using the formulae of IT
& Solvae et Coagula. The Golden phallus of Tiphareth is the ego of
the Alchemist made firm thru divine inspiration & nourished by the
absorption of a portion of the elixir thru the purple nerve-net over its
external surface. The body of the chalice is the pyramid of the Master,
turned inside-out to offer the dew of immortality to all, rather than
secreting it away like a black brother. The twin lion-serpents (Mercury
& Venus) are the active (initiate) masculine & feminine
components of the Alchemist which act as independent self-motivated
agents of the aspiring Ego (the Star in its go-ing). The supernals
(including Daa"th) delineate the specialized nature of the cup of
initiation which the Magus offers to the world (i.e., h-is/er
specialized Magickal Current), while the Chalice is filled with the
Universal solvent which initiates all who dare to imbibe it. The Chalice
is the glyph for both the Wand & the Cup. Its rim is studded with
the four elements and is thus the embodiment of the integrated Magickian.
The Chalice is both the Tree of Life & the Cup of Babalon. It is the
3rd Order's symbol for that which is called the Rosey-Cross by the
Second Order. Aspirants to the Third Order are warned never to drink
from the Cup of Babalon, yet the Magi of the Third Order subsist almost
exclusively upon its contents.
Because of the universal nature of the Chalice's elixir, an aspirant
will rarely become a Master in the image of his initiator. The contents
of the Chalice is the precursor to information (DNA, initiation into a
specific Magickal Current, etc.), rather than information itself.
Purpura of Ghee is infinitely transmutable by the Will of the aspirant
in his journey from student to Ipsissimus, and is (in this AEon) not
influenceable by the Will of the initiator.
This is a radical departure from previous AEons in which the Master
dictated & controlled the development of initiation within the
body/soul of the Aspirant. In the previous AEon, the formula for the
Master was the pyramid, symbolizing the containment & the
metering-out of the elixir of immortality. The primamry vice of Masters
who work the formula of the pyramid is Simony -- the restriction of
initiation for personal gain (acquisition of wealth; consolidation of
power over others who posses contrary world-views; centralization &
control-over prophesy/inspiration; and the promulgation of unimpeachable
dogma). The restriction of initiation to pre-defined channels profits
the power elite at the expense of the Magickal Current itself.
Corruption of the Alchemical Chalice is the universal result of
misapplication of the formula of the Pyramid. A sure sign of such
corruption is the silencing of those who question authority (censorship
of non-traditional views, excommunication of heretics or removing them
from positions of authority, or {in extreme cases} torture & murder
of those who dare to ignore the promulgations of the power elite.
Those whose Will is to work with the Chalice of Ecstasy have vowed to
release all aspirants from any/all requirements of patriotic fealty to
us personally, to the Will of our particular Current, and to any dogmas
associated with our Magickal Path. As initiators, we are an open channel
of inspiration for all who drink from our cup. We may offer specialized
initiations &/or courses of training, but it is up to each seeker to
make of these initiations what he will. We do our Will consciously and
with full responsibility for all of our actions and our non-actions. We
do not hide our ignorance behind the veil of secrecy, neither do we play
the role of humble servants who do but `follow the Will of the Secret
Chiefs'.
Obligations between any student or neophyte & any Master or Magus
are always open to discussion, and can have no `hidden strings' attached
to them.
But this does not mean that Masters are obligated to devote their lives
to training students with no recompense. Workers in any field of
endeavor (be it magick, medicine, architecture, or aught else) are
deserving of compensation for their efforts. An under-study, chela or
apprentice must expect to carry-out certain tasks &/or pay certain
fees in exchange for training. As in more mundane apprenticeships, the
exact nature of the exchange is open to discussion at any point along
the Path.
Apprenticeship training replaces the life-long indentured servitude to
enshrined Dogma which has long been the hallmark of the pyramidal
centralization of power practiced in the previous AEon.
Magical Orders which continue to be based upon the closed systems of the
previous AEon will undoubtedly oppose our efforts to cause the pyramid
to flower. As we find more & more ways to drink from their cups of
initiation without becoming bound to their obligations, our success will
be a proof to all who are drawn to us.
There are those who claim that it is not possible to drink from any cup
of initiation of the previous AEon without being bound to its
obligations.
They choose to discard all ties with the pyramidal Orders in order to
forge links of their own with the inner Order. In some cases, it may not
be possible for individuals to absolve themselves of their obligations
to repressive Orders without abnegating all initiation in the process.
However, in most instances the ingenious initiate is fully capable of
freeing h-im/er-self from the restrictive bonds of pyramidal Orders
without breaking any oaths. The demonstration of the proof of this
theorem is left as an exercise for those who aspire to Mastership thru
the use of this formula.
Previous AEons have been governed by a LOGOS, or Word which when uttered
by the Ipsissimus of the AEon served to mold all Currents of that AEon
to the pattern of the LOGOS. The previous AEonic formula was that of
Patriarchy. Assertion of the right of man to rule woman was practiced in
China as much as it was by the Church of Rome. The Matriarchal AEon
before that was little different, save in the `flavor' of its Dogma.
However, in this AEon, those who have thus far attained the right to
utter the LOGOS of the AEon have refused to do so. Those who have become
Masters in this AEon are therefore bound to no particular AEonic
formula, but are free to work with whatever formula(e) is/are aligned
with the Current which it is their Will to transmit/reify.
At this nexus of Space/Time/Alternity there is healthy competition among
myriad non-exclussive AEonic formulae, with much cross-fertilization
among heretofore contradictory Currents. But cross-initiation is
strictly voluntary and is not necessitated by the LOGOS of this AEon.
Specialized Currents often require isolation & silence to incubate
in fullness. During incubation, they may appear to be practicing the
diseased isolation of the black brothers. However, such may not be the
case.
Only time & the success or failure of a particular formula can
attest to its efficacy. We are in an AEon where everyone can aspire to
his/her own LOGOS. Let us do so in concert with all of our fellow Magi.
finis.
Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for
TUESDAY the 08th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY
No.2,445,829.06> Moon
being 8.0 Days old. [1:30pm]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
On my little excursion the other night I met a deer. It may have been a
stag, but I am not sure because I think that the stags lose their horns
this time of year. It was on the road & I stopped the car. We
sniffed each other out & touched noses, before the deer decided that
it had better things to do.
My meeting with the deer was exhilarating, but did little to quiet my
restlessness. When I returned from the store, I went to bed.
Not much dream memories on Sunday morning, except at the very end of my
sleep. My dream crystal had gone-off by itself & was inaccessible to
my physical self. I `found' the crystal (on Monday night) wedged between
my mattress & the wall -- in a place where I know I had searched for
it a few days earlier. Now that it has returned from its journey. I now
have regained much strong consciousness of my dream life. I often wonder
where crystals `go' when they seemingly evaporate from this reality. Oh
Shinnah says they are `hiding', but I feel that there is more to the
mystery than simple pranks. Such mysteries need more information. In the
meantime, here is what I remember of my Sunday morning dream.
In my dream I was on the sandy shore of a great sea. Long grass grew in
the sand. There was an old temple, seemingly abandoned, surrounded by
unkempt lawns & gardens. Wild goats grazed the grass & a stag
(the one I met on the way to town?) stood off on a nearby hilltop. I
attempted to walk to the temple, but the grass restrained my legs &
prevented me from approaching any closer. The restraint was not the
mindless tangle of earthly vegetation, but the cooperative effort of
many simple minds working cooperatively for a distinct purpose (like
ants or cluster flies).
The grass did not halt me when I retreated back to the shoreline.
Then I noticed that whenever a goat entered the sea, it turned into a
fish -- not all at once, but front to back. The goat would go to the
edge of the water & kneel its forelegs down & put its face &
front end in the water. As the wet portions turned into a fish, it would
thrust-off from the beach with its hind legs (like a man launching a
dingy from a beach) & complete the transition. The entire operation
was both fast & smooth, with no awkwardness or hesitation. All that
was left of the goat was a beard & curly horns on the fish.
Fish were also coming out of the sea. First they would approach the
beach from underwater & beach themselves with their heads held high
out of the water. As the gentle waves retreated from their bodies, their
heads & forelegs became those of goats. The goats would then pull
themselves onto the beach with their forelegs & (once out of the
sea) the transition would be completed. Although the goats & fish
were of vastly different size, the transition did not look in the least
bit ludicrous or implausible.
These goat-fish reminded me more of Neptune than of Capricorn as I
watched their actions. I then remembered Don's Tree & its
attribution of Neptune to Binah. I wished I could remember which 3 Paths
accessed this Realm in Don's system so I could look for clues of the
gateways.
I looked up at the Sea & saw a far-off island with a mountain of
crystal enshrouded in mists. A large metallic gold Trident seemed to
`grow' out of the peak of the mountain like some sort of Atlantean
sky-scraper. The symbol reminded me of the "Wealth Crystalizes the
Humm / the Humm Crystalizes Wealth" sigil I have been using in my
VIIIo workings.
I was intrigued by the island & wanted to journey there to explore
it, but (since other mysteries lay closer to hand) I was far more
interested in getting to the abandoned temple. Somehow I knew that I was
responsible for holding myself back from reaching it. I somehow felt `to
blame' for its state of disrepair & abandonment. The state of the
temple grounds was particularly disturbing to me. I knew I needed peace
within myself before further exploration would be possible, so I sat
down to discover answers thru meditation.
As I sat down in the grass to meditate on my place in all of this, the
grass gently picked me up & transported me to the entranceway of the
temple. In some ways, I felt honored to be treated so regally by the
noble grass, yet I also somehow expected such treatment because of my
rank <"& the angels bear him up, lest he dash his foot
against a stone">.
As I was borne to the temple on the backs of the grass, I became more
& more at peace with myself. I was still troubled by why I should
feel responsible for a place which I had never seen before, so I
followed the thread of my disease.
At first I thought that my link with this temple might be
cause-&-effect via my physical home -- that is to say, I felt that
this place was allegorical of the state of disrepair & lack of
maintenance which I accord to my physical dwelling. But I somehow felt
that the link was not so straight forward. Somehow the 2 temples are
analogous, but neither is allegorical of the other.
It is not my present task to maintain the earth (physical plane) at this
nexus of Space/Time, for I am a storyteller whose task is to explore the
realms of vision & report-back to the rest of the race -- but this
could change in an instant if I chose to undertake a different aspect of
the Great Work. The apparent crumbling of both of these temples is but
an illusion based upon a skewness to my perspective. Even as I look at
both temples more closely (for I can perceive both levels of reality at
once), their integrity seems more wholesome & I am more & more
at peace with the dance of Maya.
I am in an open temple -- not much more than a courtyard paved with
large stones, with widely-spaced pillars supporting a high vesica shaped
roof. Near the center of the temple (at one of the elipse's foci) stands
a very large shallow grail (like a large birdbath {aprox.5 ft. across}
made of polished stone {black marble veined gold) balanced on a short
pedestal shaped like a golden mushroom. The cup is far too large &
unwieldy to lift, but it nonetheless has a pair handles made of goat
horn.
As I approach the cup, it appears to be filled to the brim with a
seething effervescent broth which both attracts and repels me at the
same time.
As I focused on why I should not drink the potion (the contents of the
cup of Babalon is not for consumption by mortal men), the more I wanted
to drink of it. It smelled sweet & invigorating & I somehow knew
that this cup contained the dew of immortality.
But the more I focused on why I should drink the brew (this is my dream
& I can do whatever I please in my own fantasy world), the more
repulsive the cup became. Its contents smell of vomit & decay and I
saw both maggots & turds floating on its surface.
The goats & the stag were watching me curiously from the perimeter
of the temple. I looked toward the stag & noticed that he was
standing by a circular staircase which wound around one of the columns
up to the roof. I looked up at the high roof & saw that directly
over the grail was a yonic opening decorated with pearls.
I climbed the stairs & walked out on the high roof. A gentle breeze
was blowing & the whole temple swayed <I always find it
remarkable that my `normal' extreme vertigo & acro- phobia is
completely absent in most dreams.> I went to the edge of the yoni (it
was even more ornately decorated along the top edge) & knelt at a
kind of bench which suspended me over the hole.
The bench has padded depressions for my knees & elbows. The whole
affair pivots with changes in my body weight to shift me from a kneeling
position at the edge of the hole, to hanging face-down over the center
of the hole. I knew that the bench responds to the slightest shift in my
center of gravity & is therefore much more attuned to my Will than
my conscious actions (much like a dowser's forked stick or pendulum). I
knew that my Will would either bring me back to the safety of the roof,
or dump me into the grail (from a height of 100 meters), and my
conscious fears &/or struggles would only hinder my chances of
survival.
So I relaxed & enjoyed the view. The grail was tiny below me, yet I
could still see it quite clearly. Its roiling contents looked absolutely
repulsive. Yet, the odor drifting up to me was absolutely enchanting. I
knew that if I closed my eyes, the seductive quality of the odors would
lure me to `let go' and I would slide down into its depths. Such a fate
would not really be very terrible, for the intoxication of being the cup
is a great reward for those who seek a release from the trials &
tribulations of this world. However, I have much I still need to
explore, & release from my task is not my Will at this point in
time.
Then I remembered Jason & how he was able to listen to the sounds of
the Sirens & live. I stared at the hell broth & focused on its
repellant nature & my revulsion quickly shifted the bench out of the
orifice & back up to the roof. I took off my traveler's pack &
used its straps to secure my legs to the bench. Then I allowed myself to
shift forward over the hole once again. I closed my eyes & drank-in
the narcotic allure of the grail with my nose. I felt myself slipping
forward, but I no longer cared whether I lived or died. I simply sought
union with the object of my desire. When I felt the tug of the straps
around my ankles, I knew that my scheme had worked. I hang suspended
between the worlds.
Behind my closed eyelids I saw a mist. Fleeting images scampered by at
the direction of my unconscious urgings. I tried an experiment. I
`projected' the Cheshire cat from Alice onto the mist. The face appeared
first, then the rest of its body. The cat spoke to me "Ah Dodson,
it has been a long time hasn't it?" I chuckled & the cat became
startled when it realized that I was not Dodson. It then peered at me
intently & turned into the hookah smoking catipilar who asked
"Who are you?" I smiled back & returned the question
"Yea, verily HU??" (by this time, I was quite giddy from the
fumes of the grail below & was quite willing to make puns on who/HU
in order to test the caterpillar's reactions).
The caterpillar was not pleased at my blasphemic punning & began to
menace me with venomous mandibles. I opened one eye to superimpose the
image of the grail upon the caterpillar. He shrieked in terror &
begged be to close my eye, lest he plunge to extinction. I acquiesced he
became most intrigued at how I managed to maintain that precarious
position of illusion.
I chuckled & told him of how I tied my ankles to the bench. He was
most impressed & gave me a token whereby I might pass thru the realm
of the red queen un-molested. [the token looked like one of those brass
coins used at video arcades instead of real money to minimize
pilfering.] He then offered me a bit of the mushroom which he was
sitting on. [I placed it into my flask to add to my in-vitro entheogens
for the up-coming gathering.]
He asked me again who I was & I told him that I had many names in
many places, but did not really know how to answer him in a way which
would not be misleading. It was the caterpillar's turn to chuckle now.
He looked deep into my soul & saw that I was indeed a Thelemic
pilgrim on a nameless quest. He then took on the form of the Cheshire
cat once again & declared that I must be one of the wizards of Oz he
has heard so much about.
Then I awoke in my bed, with only scant memories of the dream. It is
amazing how the writing of a dream will cause me to re-live it &
thereby aid me to retell it. The peculiar weave of tenses from past to
present & back to past again in retelling the tale is an indication
of the complex weave of retelling the tale & re-living it. The weave
would be even more complex had I not consciously attempted to keep it
all `in the past'. Were this a proper story (rather than a diary entry)
I would probably re-write the whole tale in the present tense to add
immediacy & impact for the reader.
Experiencing of dream while awake is most unlike the dream while asleep.
While asleep, each conscious choice opens certain possibilities, while
closing others (either I swam to the trident mountain or I went to the
temple of the grail, but not both at the `same' time), but in my wakeful
state, I can see that all pathways remain open no matter which set of
choices I make at any given juncture. Each dream is infinite & what
I report in this record is but the smallest fragment of what has
actually transpired. I follow those threads which seem most interesting
or the most entertaining. But all alse is equally valid.
Structured initiation seems to be involved with making a continuous set
of choices leading to a particular `goal' (usually predetermined by
tradition or the guidance of an external guide). At the moment, I have
no particular goal in sight. I simply explore -- & create in my
explorations. On one level I know that immersion in the grail means an
end of my consciousness. Yet, on another (equally valid) level I know
that the grail is simply a portal (possibly one-way) to another world
(possibly another Sephiroth). For now, I use the power of this Grail to
reify dreams, but soon I must use it to bring such dreams back to this
plane so that I can continue my work without interference.
* * *
Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for
WEDNESDAY, the 09th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY
No.2,445,829.11>
Moon being 8.05 Days old. [2:35pm]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Troubled night with tumultuous dreams. Even though I feel worn-out &
bedraggled, I do feel better. Fear of wrestling with a dragon is always
so much worse than the actual wrestling match. Dream images lack full
clarity, but they feel powerful. I shall dip back down into them to see
what I can draw-forth
I am in a very large mansion (which is also a fancy hotel) with Anne
& a man whom I do not know. He is a friend (or lover) of Anne's. I
am somewhat uncomfortable for Anne seems to want me to leave, yet she
also wants mo to stay. We are in a huge bathroom with a bath tub
enclosed with glass doors. The tub is big enough for several people.
Anne does not want me to bathe with her, yet she keeps telling me that I
need to take a bath & I "had better hurry".
I see a second bathtub. It appears to belong to the people at the health
club next door. I begin to close the door to the health club (for
solitude & for quiet when a brown pussycat wants to come in. I fear
a fight between this cat & Beezelbub (our cat) so I continue to
close the door. A young man assures me that their mascot is very
friendly & will cause no problems. I let the cat in.
In another aspect of the dream I am talking with one of the permanent
residents of this house. He is a stereotypical English Lord of some
sort.
He asks me what connection I have to "the family". I tell him
that we share a common ancestor & that my father's uncle is his
uncle's father.
He looks a bit bewildered & then beams at me & exclaims that I
must be related to the "ship's Pharoh", by which he means the
ancient ship chronometer which has been missing for quite a number of
years.
Although I do not see how I can be a descendant of a clock, I reply in
the affirmative (for it does have a ring of truth to it).
In the big bathroom is a large glass bell, made of a thick blue glass
which makes a marvelous tone when struck with a leather headed wooden
mallet. The bell is shaped like a squid & is about 4 ft. long. When
I am preparing my bath (on the athletic club's side of the bathroom) I
see that someone (Anne??) has made a mess of the big bath tub. All the
glass panels are askew & water is leaking everywhere. I attempt a
fix, but I really do not understand how the various panels & curtain
rods go together.
Anne is upset with me for attempting to fix "her project". I
leave her to her own devices to take my bath. I am saddened by our
interactions, but am unable to find a workable solution other than
steering clear of her until she does what needs doing.
I find a second glass bell like unto the first. But this one has a
broken mouth & has been drilled out to accept various electric wires
& lamp fixtures. This bell is sentient & is vicious towards me.
It keeps biting me about the hands. I find a stick & place in in the
bell's mouth to give it something to chew on. Its viciousness subsides.
Perhaps it was only teething.
I am down by the waterfront in a poverty neighborhood frequented by
sailors, smugglers, hookers, & cut-purses. It is foggy. I cannot see
the water, although I hear it lapping against the nearby pier. I am here
to meet a sailor who may have information about the ancient chronometer
which I seek. I describe the device to him without naming it.
"It is a squat vertical cylinder made of brass sitting on a
platform meant to be bolted in place in the wheelhouse. It is covered by
a deep parabolic glass dome to protect it from the weather. It has no
clock hands like a modern chronometer, but has a series of perforated
metal disks thru which one sights the stars. The perforated disks are
attached to the vertical side of the central cylinder tangent to its
curved surface."
The sailor immediatly knew that I was describing the Pharoh. He had once
(long ago) been on the ship which relied on the Pharoh to guide it, but
the ship had sunk. He thought the Pharoh had been taken off the wreck
& brought to Castle Trident atop the crystal mountain.
The sun had been rising as we spoke. The mists began to clear & I
saw the island from my previous dream.
I knew where I was & I knew that I was in dreamland. I took the blue
glass bell (the one with the broken mouth & electric wiring) from
under my trench coat, unwrapped it & placed it in the sea. It turned
into a blue bottle dolphin who began to swim round & round the bay,
making the most musical sounds I had ever heard. The water soon frothed
& seethed with activity as hundreds of dolphins congregated to hear
the tale of the dolphin who had been turned into a bell & then a
lamp.
One of the dolphins approached me & began to speak. I could not
understand her words so I spat into her open mouth (a trick I once The
learned from the King of Serpents). The dolphin immediately understood
my intentions & spat back into my mouth. We then kissed deeply &
I became sexually aroused. She drew me into the water & we became as
one. While we fucked, she dove deep into the sea & leapt high into
the air. We both climaxed together & lay together on the surface of
the gentle sea. Other members of her clan communicated our combined
elixir from her vagina with their tongues.
As we now spoke a common tongue, my lover asked me how I came to their
harbor & whence I was going. I told her of the crystal mountain
& of the Pharoh I hoped to find in Castle Trident. She asked if I
could swim to the island & I asked her how far away the island was
from the bay. She replied that her people went there often when men
fished the shore of the great sea (to avoid competing with them for
fish). The trip usually took her people 13 days.
I replied that I was able to swim for several hours at a time, but such
a trip was beyond my endurance. I asked her about those who live on the
island (their race, temperament, etc.) and whether they had regular
commerce with the men of this port.
She replied that the beings who lived on that central island kept to
themselves, but were not hostile to anyone. They did not fish the sea,
neither did they engage in commerce, save to deal with certain ships
which regularly brought them unusual items in return for life-restoring
unguents & potions.
Dolphin sonar does not work above water & their eyesight is poor, so
she was unable to give me much information about the race which lived on
the island. She offered to transport me there, but as I needed dry
passage for the Pharo, I declined her kind offer. I asked her if any of
the ships which traded with the island were now in port & she
pointed one out to me.
I went back to the mansion to bid my goodbyes & to seek out the old
Lord to ask him about Castle Trident. He informed me that the only way
to gain acces to the castle was to bring a rare object to trade with
them.
None had ever seen the lords of Castle Trident in pepson save their
personal messengers (who appeared to be human). The messengers would not
speak of anything but the business of barter `twixt human & the
keepers of the Castle.
I asked if the keepers were honest & what kind of objects they
sought.
My cousin told me that the keepers had no interest in "that which
could be purchased for gold or obtained by a common thief".
I looked for Anne, but was told that she had left with first light.
Some said that she had traveled inland, while others told me that she
was following a waking vision toward the Island in the center of the
Sea.
Armed with this information, I sought out captain Diogenes of the ship
Arestes' Misfortune in the tavern called the One-Eyed Trout to discuss a
plan with him which would get me to the keepers with a prize which would
enable me to bargain with them face-to-face.
Fascinating how the imagery in my dreams seem to layer one upon the
other. What began as one of those incomprehensible streams of dream
images has resolved itself into another dream in the same cycle as the
other night. I feel like I am still suspended over the cauldron of
dissolution in another part of the same dream, but my consciousness has
moved to a more active aspect of myself so that the seer can attain the
motility of the doer without giving-up the power of projecting Will into
the dream cauldron.
I note in passing that this afternoon a little neighbor girl came by
looking for her lost cat. The description matches the cat in the earlier
portion of my dream. Intriguing how time folds back on itself in such
literal ways in dreamland.
Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for
TUESDAY the 29th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY
No.2,445,850.06> Moon
being 29.00 Days old. [1:30pm]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Time to get to my dreams.
In one dream, 0-Maku & I were looking for a cheaper house to
live-in.
We were selling the apartment building & the Humm did not have its
own place in the country. 0-Maku had located a house which was within
our price range ($45,000) & wanted me to go see it soon so we could
put down a purchase offer. Bill Gafney (our contractor form the
apartment house) overheard our conversation & asked 0-Maku about the
location of the house.
When she described the place to him, he told us that the house had been
purchased less than a year ago by the present owner for under $3,000
& that he had spent about $4,000 to fix it up. We were both shocked
by the extremely low price. I was determined to offer $7,500 for the
house & bargain from there. Secretly, I wondered what could be
wrong with the place.
The house was very small on the outside, but inside, it was a mansion.
It was built into the side of a hill on the edge of the Long Island
Sound.
Although the water was far to poluted to swim-in, it smelled fresh &
exhilirating. The bedrooms had large balconies facing the sea, with
spiral concrete railings like giant snail shells. I was fascinated by a
large fireplace in a room with wrought iron doors with brass handles. It
reminded me very much of a a house I never had.
On another level, I suspected that I was dreaming. I was unable to get
to either the basement or the upper floor. One of the bedrooms was
occupied by a teenage girl who didn't bother to put any clothes on when
I came in. I jokingly asked if she came with the house & she replied
that she prefered to come with people. The real estate woman sighed
& told me that the teenage girl was a nymphomaniac ghost who was the
reason for the extremely low cost of the house, for no woman could
"hold onto her man" with "competition like this"
around all the time. I turned to the spirit of the house & asked if
she were jealous if her male lovers had other relationships. She replied
that she was not in the least bit possessive or clingy, & that
she had no need to compete for affections. I asked the spirit of
the house if she would be willing to show me past the illussion which
shrouded the house like a veil of cowbwebs.
She stood before me in her innocent nakedness & asked me if I knew
who she was. I replied that I did not. She picked up a quartz crystal
from the table beside her bed & gently rubbed it in the dew
between her legs.
She handed the crystal to me & told me to do "whatever came
naturally". I smiled at her reverentially & sniffed the
crystal's electric wetness. The scent of it made my limbs quake. I then
kissed the crystal & drank in its essence. The house & my
surroundings disapeared completely.
I was standing with Adrea on the drawbridge of a large castle carved
from crystal. Before us was a delegation from the castle. They were
tall, lean, & very pale (sort of a yellowy-gray) with high domed
bald heads & skeletal hands (with exadurated digital pads). They
looked at me serenly & asked why I had come to them. I asked what
they knew of the changes in the lower Tree. They smiled serenly, nodded
to one another, & invited me to enter the castle gates. Adrea &
I followed our guides into the palace as our human companions brought in
our precious cargo.
As we walked, Adrea gave me a candy to calm my nerves & focus me
into this reality. The `candy' was a small emerald which had been bathed
in the dew of her crotch. As the `candy' dissolved in my mouth, the
reality of the Crystal Castle also dissolved. I remembered (& began
to re-live) my quest for a captain & a good ship to sail me to the
crystal island & the Trident castle.
After convincing the captain that I really knew of a way to procure the
Gateway of the Cup of Dreams, we set-sail for the abandonded temple
guarded by the goat-fish & the grass of the AEons. That other aspect
of me was still suspended over the Gateway when we arrived. He dreamed
of our coming & thus made our passage easy. When we arrived, none of
the ship's company would dare approach the Gateway, even though
the grass allowed our passage. They all feared the seductive nature of
the Grail & the one-way nature of that Gateway.
I went to the roof alone, & pulled my other self back from his place
of dreaming. As always, he awoke without protest & greeted me
cheer- fully.
He addressed me as his uncle & asked if his cousin Sue would be
joining us. I laughed at his strange perspective as we climbed down from
the roof & approached the Grail. We called to the captain & crew
to join us, but they were still afraid. A great red bull who
walked like a man came from the fields & stood with us at the Grail.
My nephew knew him as BAJ & introduced us to each other.
All began to shift as memories tumbled over one another. I had a
difficult time sorting-out who `I' was. BAJ laughed loudly at our/my
consternation & reached into the Grail to remove a fist-sized pearl
which had floated to the surface.
He pointed at my younger self & stated "For this working, thou
art AIR, starry-eyed gazer upon the Mysteries NU. None doubt your
visions, yet most council against their too-hasty application".
He pointed at himself & continued "I am the Child of Earth, the
God of all pleasures physical. For this role have I studied hard. Let it
be hoped that the time is now as propitious as our young friend
believes!"
Pointing at me, he sighed "For better or worse, thou art the Fire
Carrier of divine inspiration. Thou art lazy, obstinant &
unreasonably impractical. Thou art able to see thru the visions &
fables of your younger self," [pointing to AIR] "but (for the
most part), choose not to -- for the sake of Art! In thy hands is the
power to bargain for the fate of an AEon. Your dis-connectedness to the
consequences of your actions keeps you honest, though I do wish the task
at hand permitted us to unify our consciouness more fully. "
"And this", he stated with much ceremony, as he held up the
dewy pearl, "is our externalized Emotional self -- the
unbalanced symbol for our quest of internalized stability, and (for us)
the key to an end of the cycles of AEons."
The pearl began to grow & to glow. It left the hand of Earth &
took her place at the Western Gate of Heaven. The pearl disolved in
waves of heavenly music & fragrences. Adrea (or Sue {depending on
one's perspective}) became manifest among us. Together we joined
hands around the cauldron & began the spiral dance inward &
outward to absorb the grail & its contents within the fabric of our
being. The viewpoint of this tale shifted again & again. We became
the gems on the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy. As BAJ, I channeled
energies thru Jupiter at the Throne of Daa"th. As Adria, I oversaw
the mysteries of the Trident of SET from the Throne of Binah. As my
younger self, the dreamer, I wielded the energies of Uranus, the Magus
from the Throne of Chokmah. As my older self, I channeled the fire of
the Gods (Starlight focused thru Sothis onto Pluto/Yuggoth) from the
Throne at Kether. Yet, all 4 Thrones were equal.
None was `above' or `more-advanced-than' the others. These 4 thrones
formulate the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy. From below Tiphareth, the
upper Tree appears heirarchical, but such is the illussion caused by the
gravitational distortions of Sol & our own mamallian heritage.
I know not where to take this vision. All is illussion & the more
`sense' I try to make of my images, the more I am biasing my writing
with self-generated drivvel. Semantics & theories & orderly
progression of thoughts seem lost in a sea of nonsense. I project
characters outside of myself in an effort to gain perspective, yet by
being in more than one place at once, I lose all perspective altogether.
I must center.
I draw my consciousness to a point & draw it into the Challice. I am
a pearl of brass resting at the bottom of the Chalice of Ecstacy. The
head of my penis protrudes into the bowl of the cup from `below'. I am
at the center of gravity of this Tree/Chalice, hovering above Tiphareth
& below the Supernals. Venus & Mercury spin their DNA tellegraph/time-
travel around me. I am enmeshed at a locus in time, yet not bound by it.
Kenetic energy = Potential energy, & I am at the fulcrum of the
Universe.
The feather of Maat spins on the pan of balance. My breath will upset
the balance. It is not my will to hold back by breath forever. I have
hidden the Logos from my conscious self so I am beyond the temptation to
utter it. I am disgruntled that I do not trust myself completely. I am
tempted to just go back to sleep & forget the whole thing.
Then I remember death, pain & the regret which comes from dreams
which are not permitted to come to fruition. To often has the race of
planet-borne been afraid to dream.
Such fears are all based upon the practical reali- ties of the test
which we have set-up for ourselves.
Today is a day of self-induced beffuddlement. I have broken-off the
writing of this entry many times in an effort to center thru meditation.
Yet, the Work-at-Hand seems to require a splintering of consciousness
which does not lend itself to accurate reporting. My diary entry is
cannot help but be a projection of my lower ego so long as my higher
self is fragmented. But by running my c.p.u. (central processing unit)
in parallel, I gain access to the gestalt which can affect change as
well as simply observe it. I run into Heisenberg's quandry. Close
observation leads to influencing the observed phenomena. To be more to
the point, how can I mutate a framework if I am internal to that
framework. If the experimenter is not impartial, how can he keep his
tinkerings impartial.
Of course, he cannot. I do seek to tinker, yet I also seek to enjoy the
fruits of my tinkerings. Unlike Moses, I seek to enter the Promised Land
as well as guide others to its gates. I am the Gate & the Guardian
thereof, yet I am also that who approaches the Gateway & the Path on
which he strideth.
I rant & I rave like a madman, yet in my madness there is a kind of
frenetic calm. I indulge in non-linear sensory overload in hopes of
finding a foot-hold in a maelstrom. I need to break from this attempt to
communicate in this record. The task of dancing round the Supernal rim
of the Chalice of Ecstacy is more than I can presently handle. I must
shift that task out of linear Space/Time so I do not become so
beffuddled at my alternating perspectives.
I focus my conscioussness as Hadit, wearing the Godform of a brass
marble spinning round the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy. I will it to
slow down & drop to the bottom of the cup. An aspect of me comes to
rest at center, yet other aspects of me continue to dance round the rim.
I shall bury my head in some computer math books & then try to get
some sleep. I shall report again when I am more collected.
Love is the law, love under will.
Here ends the entry in the Magickal Record of Frater OTz PTN-690/PVN for
WEDNESDAY, the 30th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v., [3:45am] Being the 9th Day of
ATHYR, Year 4,753 (Sothic reckoning)
finis.
* * *
Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for
THURSDAY, the 31th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY
No.2,445,851.56> Moon
being 00.97 Days old. [1:30am]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Strange convolutions yesterday. I am much more centered in the
here-&-now today. Peraps some words of explanation are in order here
(although I must admit that I am tempted to simply delete
yesterday's entry & invoke the Godform of Harpocrates!).
The initiatory cycle which I am currently working in pertains to a Grade
which I am not really able to manifest yet. The formulae which are
spin-offs from the Working are communicable to all & are applicable
to the here-&-now. But when I attempt to tap-into the initiatory
process itself, I become lost (un-sane), especially when attempting to
be both `in my body' as a witness to the event & `up the planes'
where the initiatory cycle is actually occurring. It is very difficult
for me to be an `objective' reporter, when the initiation is occurring
in an arena where objects (such as myself) do not really exist &
even the act of observation itself becomes an impedement to the smooth
flow of the Working. Rather than attempt accurate `reporting' on what
transpires (or will transpire) during that initiatory cycle, let me
simply mention one of its more disturbing (to me anyway) corolaries.
Whether my observations are valid within the context of this AEonic
formula, I know not. Suffice to say that if/when the Chalice of Ecstacy
is functioning properly. the upper realms of the Tree (Kether, Chokmah,
Binah, & Daa"th)cease to behave like seperate entities &
become much more like self-reinforcing energy fields (perhaps like
Nuit's "non-atomic continuity"). Distinctions in Time/Space/Heirarchy
become very blurred.
The Offices associated with these Spheres are co-valent rather than
distinct thrones in a heirerarchal structure.
From my limited perspective I experienced each Office as one of the 4
elements of the God-level self, yet the attributions to the elements are
not discrete. Any system of attribution is just as valid as any other.
They all work, yet none of them works fully without the others. When the
Chalice of Ecstasy is functioning, one cannot assume the Grade of
Master, without also assuming the other 3 Grades as well. To be both
dispersed in `the Abyss' & functioning as an Ipsissimus is
difficult for me to imagine (much less put into words) from my `in-body'
perspective. Yet, I know that such is but a small part of the apparent
contradictions which I must resolve if I am to reify this initiatory
cycle into my present nexus of Space/Time/Alternity. In some ways, I
wish I felt I had sufficient `balance' to bring psychedelics to this
Working. But I do not. There are times (like now) that I am glad that I
have had the past-experience of such drugs, but I also know that their
application is not universal. I am like a spinning top -- I am able to
whirl faster & faster only in so far as I am able to maintain
balance.
finis.
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