Sex Quotes
"The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette."
"You know, if you smoke after having sex, you're doing it WAY too fast..."
"Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery ?"
"Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics."
"Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best."
....Woody Allen.
"Sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five it's fantastic!"
....Woody Allen.
"Kinky is using a feather Perverted is using the whole chicken"
"One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other."
....Jane Austen (1775-1817)
"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less."
....Brendan Francis.
"I remember my first sexual encounter because I kept the recipe."
....Jeff Dahmer.
"I think there are two areas where new ideas are terribly dangerous: economics and sex. By and large, it's all been tried, and if it's really new, it's probably illegal or dangerous or unhealthy."
....Felix G. Rohatyn.
"If God had meant us to have group sex, he'd have given us more organs."
....Malcolm Bradbury.
"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."
....Rodney Dangerfield.
"No two sexes are alike."
....B.C.
"Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either."
....Joseph Fischer.
"The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous and the expense damnable."
.... Earl of Chesterfield.
"Sex is natural, but not if it's done right."
"Remember: Anal sex is just like vaginal sex, except afterwards your cock may have shit on it."
"If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to?"
....Bette Midler.
"If God had wanted people to give blow jobs, he wouldn't have given them teeth."
"The orgasm has replaced the Cross as the focus of longing and the image of fulfilment."
....Malcolm Muggeridge.
"I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock."
"Tell him I've been too fucking busy or vice versa."
.... Dorothy Parker.
"I once knew a woman who offered her honour So I honoured her offer And all night long I was on her and off her." 
"Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute ?"
"All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day."
....Evelyn Waugh
"You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view."
....Maureen Lipman.
"Sex is like pizza, even if it's done bad, it's still good."
"Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any."
"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer."
"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses."
.... Mrs. Patrick Campbell.
"Mary had a little lamb. That's what she gets for sleeping in the barn..."
"Q: What's the difference between a hamster and a turtle ? A: With a turtle you don't need duct tape..."
"Bend over, I'll drive."
....Bumper sticker.
"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."
....Bumper sticker.
"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
....Gloria Leonard
"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
....Matt Groening, from "Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk" in Life In Hell.
"I have made love to ten thousand women."
....Georges Simenon (1903-89), Belgian novelist.
"If homosexuality were normal, God would have created Adam and Bruce."
....Anita Bryant. 
"Every time you sleep with a boy you sleep with all his old girlfriends."
..... Government advert warning about AIDS, 1987. 
"Big doesn't necessarily mean better... Sunflowers aren't better than violets."
"Size matters not."
....Yoda
"Size matters."
....Godzilla
"Act your age, not your size."
"It's not how you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm."
"A thousand million flies can't be wrong eat shit."
"Be creative: invent a perversion."
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
....Steve Martin
"An erection is like the Theory of Relativity the more you think about it, the harder it gets." 
"Buggery is boring. Incest is relatively boring. Necrophilia is dead boring."
"What is wrong with a little incest ? It is both handy and cheap."
"My brain, my second best organ..."
"To go together is blessed, to come together is divine !"
"College is like a woman; you work so hard to get in, and nine months later you wish you'd never come."
"The man who said "A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush" has been putting his bird in the wrong bushes." "I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now."
"I think I could fall madly in bed with you..."
"The word today is Legs... Spread the word."
"Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money."
....Moliere