There are many ways to describe just how well endowed you are, for example...

My dick is so big, you can't blow me without a ladder.

My dick is so big, it only does one show a night.

My dick is so big, you can ski down it.

My dick is so big, it has elbows.

My dick is so big, I have to check it as luggage when I fly.

My dick is so big, it has a personal trainer.

My dick is so big, that right now it's in the other room fixing us drinks. 

My dick is so big, it has a retractable dome.

My dick is so big, it has stairs up the center like the Statue of Liberty

My dick is so big, it's against the law to fuck me without protective headgear.

My dick is so big, I could fuck a tuba.

My dick is so big, Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.

My dick is so big, it has its own gravity NASA once launched a space probe to search for the tip of my dick.

My dick is so big, it's impossible to see all of it without a satellite. The inside of my dick contains billions and billions of stars. 

My dick is so big, it has a spine. 

My dick is so big, it has a basement.

My dick is so big, movie theaters now serve popcorn in small, medium, large, and My Dick.

My dick is more muscular than I am.

My dick is so big it has cable.

My dick is so big, it violates seventeen zoning laws. 

My dick is so big, it has its own page in the Sierra Club calendar.

My dick is so big, it has a fifty-yard line.

My dick is so big, I was once in Ohio and got a blow job in Tennessee. 

My dick is so big, Las Vegas casinos fly it into town for free.

My dick is so big, I can braid it.

My dick is so big, that when it's Eastern Standard Time at the tip, it's Central Mountain Time at my balls.

My dick is so big, I painted the foreskin red, white, and blue and used it as a flag.

My dick is so big, I can sit on it.

My dick is so big, it can chew gum.

My dick is so big, it only tips with hundreds. 

My dick is so big, the Carnegie Deli named a sandwich after it. Actually, two sandwiches.

My dick is so big, the city was going to build a statue of it but they ran out of cement.

My dick is so big, Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park on it.

My dick is so big, when I get hard my eyebrows get pulled down to my neck. 

My dick is so big, you're standing on it.

My dick is so big, it only comes into work when it feels like it. 

My dick is so big, it plays golf with the president.

My dick is so big, it has an agent.

My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.

My dick is so big, its a tight fit when I'm bangin' your loose momma!

My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime

My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and my dick got right in I had to stand and argue with the doorman

My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr Dick in front of company

My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls

My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school

My dick has an elevator and a lobby

My dick has better credit than I do

My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum

My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick

My dick is so big, it has casters

My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow

My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor

My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick

My dick is so big, it lives next door

My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third

My dick is so big, it votes

My dick is a better dresser than I am

My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal

My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen my balls in pictures

My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run

My dick is so big No matter where I go, my dick always gets there first

My dick takes longer lunches than I do

My dick contributed fifty thousand dollars to the Democratic National Committee

My dick was once the ambassador to China

My dick is so big, it's gone condo

My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and a team of Clydesdales to jack me off

My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler

My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it

My dick is so big, I could wear it as a tie if I wasn't so afraid of getting a hard-on and killing myself

My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper 

My dick is so big, it has feet

My dick is so big, it has investors

My dick is so big, it seats six

My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring

My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole

My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next remake

My dick is so big, it has an opening act

My dick is so big I can fuck an elevator shaft
If you cut my dick in two, you can tell how old I am

My dick is so big, Trump owns it

My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole in the middle of it so cars could get through

My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings

My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse

My dick is so big that we're all a part of it, and it's all a part of us

My dick is so big, I can never sit in the front row

My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box

My dick is so big, it's right behind you....