Jay's Home Page

Jay Vincent
Screwball R Us
Panther Valley High School (Senior)
Somewhere
Bubble,Pennslyvania 18218
that #
https://www.angelfire.com/journal2/dizzybizkit/index.html
https://www.angelfire.com/journal2/dizzybizkit/index.html
greenlove@hotmail.com

This page is gonna be used for my writing. So u'll read what I wrote and understand me, very well. Cause it's about my deep feelings. Please sign my guestbook, when you're done read this site. I hope u like them. Alittle about myself. I'm a 20 yr old and my birthday is September 19th. I love music and play the bass.I'm 5'9 , brown hair, green eyes, goatee and around 195 lbs.. That's enough about me. Here's some things about the stuff I wrote: "Love" isn't about me. I wrote that for a friend, cause he didn't know how to express how he felt on the inside, so he asked me to write this for him. "Alone" was written, when I lost my first girlfriend, so you don't have to worry about me be down or suicide, cause I'm happy and I have this one friends that I care so much about *S*.. "Weak" is about what I felt like watching my friend die in my arms. Helpless cause I couldn't get help. Watched her bleed in my arms *cryin*... "Afraid" All this pain I feel inside. It scares me, not knowing what's gonna happen next. I just wish , my life was easier, but it won't happen. I never get what I want in life. If I do, it doesn't last. Why bother trying to make my life better. My life will always have pain in it. There's never gonna be happiness in my life that will last for a long time. I guess, I just should give up on trying to make my life better. Just live a lonely life, but I'll still get hurt. Just that way, it's only my problem. I don't want anyone to be sorry or pity for me. Plus I don't want to bring anyone into this. Besides I don't want to bring a child into this world and knowing that I had to deal with and afraid that I won't take care or give the child enough attention. So, I'm just gonna cry myself to sleep and maybe some day, god will take me away. All I can do is wait for that day. When there's no pain or stress. When I do leave I'll keep an eye on my friends, making sure they r okay. "Love is Sweet" Love is sweet, when you love someone like her. She's sweet and loving. The type of lady, you would love to have in your arms. I hope she falls in love with me, when we meet. Because I love her, so much that I would do anything for her. Just to hold her and kiss her. I would love to feel the kiss from her. The passion and romance for each other, will never stop. Maybe we'll live happy ever after. There's so much love for each other, that nothing can break us apart. There's time, where I sit or lay on my bed, thinking about her. I wish I could hold her and kiss her beautiful body. She has a body, that can make a guy, fall in love for. I hope, when I meet her, I can hold her close to feel her sweet and loving heart beat faster. That would make me feel, so much better, knowing she cares about me. I'm so lucky to find her, because she is so beautiful. That everyone would love to go out with her. Every day, I think about her and I think, I'm in love with her. She's the lady of my dreams. I hate to omit it, but she's more beautiful than Stacey. They have the same thing in common and that's sweet and caring "Love" I love thee to the bitter end. Wishing one day. We'd be together. How happy we were on those days. All the kisses and holding hands. Brings a smile to me face. How your face blushes and made you more beautiful. When everyone said that we make a cute couple. Now I'm only happy is when you're around. Because you are the key to my happiness. And the love I want to give to you. You're the only one I want to be with. For all of my life and waking up in the morning. Cause seeing your beautiful face makes me feel like everything is gonna be alright. I'll always love you and kissing is all I need from you. Because love and trust is more important then sex. Maybe one day you can tell me the truth about how u feel about me. "Lady with Green Eyes" Green eyed beauty that I care so much about. Just lookin into those eyes can make your heart melt inside. Just holding such a beautiful can make you daze and make you feel hopeless dancing with her. When you hear her voice. It's like a soothing and sweet voice. A voice that can calm anyone and want to kiss those soft and wonderful lips that speaks those sweet words. Also to touch her soft and beautiful skin which makes you fall deeper for her. She has a smile that can put a smile on your face no matter what mood you're in. Would this beautiful green eyed lady, go out with me and let me kiss her soft hands. Also kiss those soft and sweet lips. If so, I'll be so happy, cause I'll be going out with a beautiful and sweet lady. "Alone" I keep waking up to seeing blood and a sharp pain in my chest. The blood that my mind does to trick myself. Sharp pain like I shouldn't be here. Nothing is going right, except choosing friends, cause they are the only reason, I'm here today. Showing me that they care and keep me in reality. I'll always feel a love in this world with all the pain in my life. I know, I need to move on and try to be happy, but there's things keep on reminding me of them. Live my life, cause I know, if I die. My friends would be mad at me, but yet deeply hurt. I know, I'll never love again, cause I'm afraid of getting too close and getting my heart broken and plus I'd be in a very deep depression. A depression that I'll never get out of. Music and friends, that's all I have. That's all that keeps me from putting the knife into me and bleeding to death. I guess god wanted me to be like this and see how long I can handle the pain of losing a love one and friends. Plus I guess, I have to drink and smoke my pain away and drown my sorrows. Just give it up, so I don't have to feel this way, but of course my friends will stop me from messin my life up. "Pothole Love" Why should I feel depress about things. I know, I'm in love with her, but there's a problem, I'm too shy to ask her out. I think everyone knows, who I like. Why do I? Because she makes feel like kissing her on the lips (if she lets me). Nothing will make me, stop loving her. Her eyes and hair are beautiful. Her clothes are cool. I could ask her out. Its just that I can't stop thinking about her. Red is love, Blue is romance, Green is passion. Kissing her would be a fantasy to me. Maybe eat together with candles. Watch the stars and hold each other in each our's arms. You can find love, everywhere you look. A rose will get her sprites roaring high. But a kiss on those sweet lips would be the best thing to happen to me. I'd just be happy to hold her hands or hold her close. So, I do care about u and would do anything for a beautiful and sweet princess. "Weak" I bleed forever until I'm weak. Too weak to move or love someone. Love is weak to the extent where it's not worth going on in life. Just end it here, So I can be happy 4-ever and more. Happiness that I can't feel here in real life like a normal person, that feels love and happiness. I can't find that and my time is getting near. I hope to find happiness, but the way it's going. It's doesn't look like I'll find it. So, lay me down and let me die. I don't want to feel this emptiness, anymore. Its just seems like everyone I care about is just leaving me and soon, I'll have no one to talk to. So, kill me now, so I don't do it myself. Death, that'll bring me happiness and no more pain. So, I say bye 4-ever to everyone and people who hate me can be happy. Love is for believers in happiness, but I don't. Finially all the blood in my body is gone and my time is up. So I have to go, while everything starts to go black. Then the blackness is done and there I lay in my own blood. Died, because I can't take the pain, anymore "Untitled" I don't know what I should do. Should I tell her how I feel about her or not? That's the only thing that I can't get out is that. I feel comfortable talking to her, but never said how I feel about her. I'm happy when she's near me or talking to me, but when I'm not I feel down. I keep on dreaming about her and every thought has her in it. I don't know what to do. My heart wants to be with her and tell her, but my mind is afraid that I'd lost her as a friend. She'll probably be at the dance and more likely I won't have the guts to tell her. But I have one of these days, before it's too late. Knowing my luck, it'll never work out for me. Who knows, I could be wrong. So, I have to keep an open mind and be myself to her. Just hope when she's ready for a relationship, that I get the chance to be w/ her and hope it works out. "Fallen" I know, I'm starting to fall for this one lady. I can't stop thinking about her. Everything I do, I think about is seeing her beautiful green eyes and everything else that's beautiful. Which means every part of her is either beautiful and sexy. It's like I want to hold her close and never let her go. That's I think about is holdin a beautiful and sweet lady close to me. Even if I only get to hold her hand, would be good enough for me. If I do go out with her. I hope that I can make her feel comfortable and loved. Make her feel like a queen and do whatever I can for her, so she knows I'll do anything for her. If it doesn't work out, I hope we can still be friends. She's a great friend and also caring. I just want to see her happy, that's all. I'll always be happy, cause I know that she's still my friend. So, I'm gonna end this by saying this. I'll love her to the end and there's always gonna be a place in my heart for her. "Dreams" I would give up everything, just to be with this lady. I would love thee to the end and treat her like a queen. Giving her whatever she wants in life. I would get it for her to show her how much I care and love her. I would give her all my love that I have. It would be a dream to get to look into those beautiful green eyes and know that she loves me as well. Who knows if I'll get the chance to be with such a beautiful and sweet lady. If I do, I don't want to hurt her nor want her to feel uncomfortable. I would let her choice what we do together, so she feel comfortable. I don't want to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. I do love her with all my heart. Sweet kissing on her soft and sweet lips. To touch a beautiful and soft skin. Rub my finger agaisnt her sweet lips. Then put my hands around her and let her feel safe. Also let her feel my heart beating for her. Just being around her makes my days seem so much better. I hope that I do get that chance to be with her. "Sad day" Every dream I have won't happen. No one really wants to be with a sweet and nice guy, anymore. Why even bother trying to find love again. It's not meant for me, cause every lady wants a bad guy for their boyfriend. I'll never go that route. So I guess I just have to give up on love and be a lonely and sad guy 4-ever. Live a depressnate life, cause no one wants to be with me. Just only friends with me. Just weep and wait for my death to come. I agree to the saying, "Good guys finish last". It's true. I'll never have a girlfrind and even if I do it won't last, cause I'm too sweet and caring for them. Waiting for the end of me, so I don't have to face this lonely fate I'm gonna be stuck in. SO I hope have a happy life, cause mine won't be. "Special" I'm lost in a world that has her in it. A beautiful and sweet lady that could melt your heart and just by looking into her green eyes can make you forget what you were gonna say. Dancing with her during a slow song and u can feel her lovely hips move and want to kiss her lips. I would shed blood to get to kiss and hold her close. Whatever I have to do I will, just to show her that I care and love her. There's no other lady I know that is sweeter than her. I keep on thinking and dreaming about her. She's really carin gand sweet. Also would help you with a problem. She's a very special lady, cause she's the only person that ever got me to smile when I was down. When she did that, she made my heart whole again. I Haven't felt like this since my first girlfriend passed away. Whatever she choice, I'll respect it and if she doesn't, then I hope we can be friends. I wish her luck in everything she does and hope she gets everything she wants in life. "?" Each day,I slip deeper into depression. Not known, what's gonna happen to me. There's times where I wish I wasn't born and there's times where I wish I had someone to hold close and to be my love. I don't even know, if anyone would really want to go out with someone like me. I'm never good enough for anyone. I keep on letting myself fall for someone too much. When will I learn that it's not gonna happen. Maybe this is my punishment of what I've caused in my past. I let my friends down. I wasn't there for them and you lefted me without saying good-bye. I feel guilty for it. I'll never be able to deal with that. It'll haunt me for the rest of my life. The only 2 things that will make it better. That's hurt myslef and if I have a girlfriend, which I'll never will have, cause I'm not good enough It feels like my life just crushed before my very own eyes. I have no one to talk about my feelings, right now. I'm afraid that it's gonna get harder on me, if I hold it in. I have so many problems in my life that I feel responible for them. Everything that happens from here on, I'll still have the memories of all the deaths in my life and all the pain I've caused. I guess it is my fault for them to die. According to some people,that blame me for it. I'm completely clean and everything is starting hit me. I promised people that I'll stay clean and I'm gonna do it. It might drive me crazy, but I'm willing to accept whatever happens. All I can do is live my life one day at a time. I'm all alone in this world and need to find complete happiness. I'll find half of it, but I have to find the other half. I don't know what, but I wish I knew. My life is so messed up. I'm barely hunging on. If something bad happens that is worse enough to push me over that edge. Who knows what will happen. "Abnormal Life" Love is just about learning to love a person, but only if u r willing to shed some blood for that person. Cause that will show the love that u have for that person. The thing you shouldn't be doing is raping her and giving them bruises. That's so freaking stupid. Slice the person for blood, the people who eat to give the person a bruise is stupid and doesn't deserve to have someone. I know a person who bites people, just to give the other person a bruise and she's freaking slut. Also she likes to rub stuff in. That is a loser and get bitten back. Only her, cause she deserves to feel to feel the pain that she caused. She doesn't deserve to feel love, cause she a whinning, abusive, slut. So, someone will rape her and she'll be found die on the corner. That's where she'll be in the future, cause she doesn't know what's out there. God rest her soul.. "Heart Broken" It feels like my heart has been broken into a thousand of piece. Like one really loves me and really want to be w/ me. Why even bother being in love and will to be committed to that person, when I'm the one that always get hurt. It's like there's a sign on my back, say "Please hurt me and use me". No one really wants to be my love or my wife. I finally see that. I get hurt all the times and no one cares about that. Only if the other person does. Then they give me the guilty trip. I get hurt, it's okay. Like that I deserve to get dumped. I guess I should cut my heart out and die, everyone is happy, then. One less person they don't have to see nor feel pity for. Since I am a worthless piece of crap, anyway. More likely everyone would be happy and No one would show up for my funeral, cause they don't give a fuck about me. I just can't believe that I'm such a fool and pathetic that I'll find a love to be with for a long time after my first girlfriend. I was wrong. It's just be with me for awhile,then dump me for someone else. Like I didn't mean anything to them. Maybe I should end it nw and make those people happy. I will do that and then I don't have to live in this hurtful and cruel world. Good-bye forever Everything seems like a fantasy. Nothing is what we see it. Death is everywhere and everyone gets hurt. No matter how much u try and hide it, u felt it. So have a lot of pain in their life and some alittle. Everything in my life is going wrong. I lost 9 people and feel like no one really cares about me. I guess I just live somewhere that no one can find me and I can't get hurt anymore. Love isn't for me,either. I had 2 girlfriends and in the end I'm the one that got hurt. It like I'm the target for everyone to hurt. I'm a nice person, lets hurt him, cause he used to it. I'm to a point where, if I get hurt anymore, I might do something drastic. I've been through too much in the last 6 yrs and it still happens. I guess I'll give up everything that I wish for, cause it's not gonna come true. Everything will just catch up to me and I'll just get hurt more and more. So this is the end for everything. Have fun, cause u can't even imagen what I live with. Everything is happening to too quickly. It's hard to try to understand it. It doesn't help that I have a friend that cuts herself. It hurts me and make me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job with helping her. Maybe I am worthless and not important. I guess I should just end my life, since I have no reason to stay alive. I've been getting hurt all the time and eventually I won't be able to handle it. It's not easy trying to live with everything going wrong for me. Oh well, I'll keep on fighting, but who knows when I'll break down and can't fight this anymore. So I leave u for now and all I have to say is. Enjoy what u have and everything around u. You might not like what lays around you. Amire the little things in life. That way u r living your life to the fullest.