For lack of a better word I am gay. My sexual preference is with members of the same sex. I believe many things lead to this.
Firstly it runs in my family. I have a great uncle, an uncle and a second cousin that are all gay. Secondly I believe that many years of internal and external psychological programming led me to the conclusion that I wanted and preferred the intimate company of men.
Desire for a father figure.
Being given a label in high school and sticking to it so I could fit in and be accepted.
Wanting to rebel and be different.
Fear of the unknown female sphere.
The list is quite substantial.
I knew I had feelings for the same sex all through my life. I always liked recognition from older men in primary school. Once high school and puberty came along so did a hormone induced sex drive to rattle my brain. During this time I fantasised about men and occasionally women. After a period of time spent in an all boys private school in year ten I was shattered. Clinically depressed with no sense of self or self esteem brought about by schoolyard bullying and seemingly no support from anywhere. I left that environment and completed my higher school certificate at a co-educational public college. It took me till half way through 1st year University to find myself and come to terms with being gay. From there I made the life changing decision to only have sexual relationships with men. I began to tell friends and all of the sudden everyone knew and it was fine.
I have never been physically attacked or rejected in any situation because of my sexuality, but this could be due to the fact I am reserved in strange situations and don’t cry anything from the rooftops. My greatest fear is being bashed so I take precautions.
At this point I will say that yes, I think homosexuality is a part of the human condition. It is recorded in the written records of ancient societies. Every country, civilization and culture had and has it’s own opinions on the issue, some accepting it, others idolising it and still others rejected it. The fact remains that it existed and still exists.
Personally I accept it. It is part of the way I was made. If God made us in his own image why would he place me on this earth if I was bad? I believe that I am good. Anyone who knows me soon discovers the depth of my empathy and the willing strength of my support. I treat people the way in which I would wish to be treated.
Now I will answer some questions I have received over the years about homosexuality.
Q: Are you male of female?
A: I am male.
Q: Are you Gay?
A: Yes.
Q: What do you find attractive in another man?
A: Lots of things. It depends on my mood at the time.
Q: Is it true that gay guys get all the chicks?
A: All of my friends are women and we have very close supportive relationships. It is true that we are so comfortable with each other that anything can be said or shared and they do get changed in front of me.
Yes, this would be appealing to the average straight man, but luck has nothing to do with it.
Q: Weren’t your parents mad?
A: In fact my parents have been very good about the whole thing.
Dad doesn’t care as long as I make myself a decent moral individual. He is the first one to tell me when I do something he doesn’t approve of.
Mum worries. Worries about my personal safety in regards to going out and being bashed or sleeping around and catching nasty diseases. She is thankful that I have been reserved and not really explored physicality until I was old enough to look after my own personal safety. She now knows that I can be trusted to look after my personal safety in regards to nightclubs and the city. Also I’ve made my dreams and ideals known so they know I don’t and won’t sleep around.
Now onto the moral issues regarding homosexuality.
No I am not a pervert. Being gay has nothing to do with being sexually perverse. It is true that some gay men find weird and shocking ways of being intimate with each other but so do heterosexual people.
The issue of perversity is in relation to psychology, not sexuality.
No I am not the product of the devil and he doesn’t speak to me in my dreams. I’m sure the lord of darkness has much better things to do than sit in my head telling me to fall in love, marry and live a long happy faithful life with another man.
No I do not wish to have children. I do not believe children are a right. They are a privilege and honor to gain, not something to be possessed for self-gratification. When I made my decision I took myself out of the gene pool. It is something that I will not back down on during a mid life crisis, nor is it something that I will regret. With choices come consequences. Male + Male does not equal Baby.
No I do not wish to have special recognition or treatment because of my sexuality. I am not proud I am gay, I am proud I am me. To be proud about your sexuality at the detriment to other aspects of yourself is like being proud you have brown eyes. “I have brown eyes and I’m proud!” *waves his streamer and glitter coated banner about*
Honestly, I am comfortable enough with myself not to need to march in self-affirmation.
All I desire is understanding and acceptance, not special treatment.
Yes I do believe in stable long-term relationships. One day I wish to get “married”. Even though a large part of the homosexual social scene revolves around sex with numerous partners, personally I find it not very appealing. I dream of domestic bliss, not orgies and sweat and loud thumping tribal dance music. Flirting and window shopping is fun but I gain the most satisfaction from commitment and love.
That’s about it for now. If you have any further questions or suggestions for expansion my email address is somewhere on this site.
Gay isn’t special, bad or weird. It’s just life.
