The following is a work of pure fan fiction. I own no rights to any of the characters on display here. All of those have been created and are under the sole ownership of JMS, etc., etc., etc. Special thanks to Lord George Byron, who other than the misfortune of sharing a name with that tiresome telepath, was brilliant enough to create prose that can find a mirror in any situation, in any century. Finally, a great big Booji ode of gratitude to Bridget, Mary and Lara - my dear and sometimes kindly critical beta readers. CHANNELING LORD BYRON by Lori M. Schadler Susan Ivanova remained in her quarters for days following her dramatic recovery. A recovery that never should have been but was, thanks to Marcus Cole’s selfless act. She couldn’t bring herself to face anyone. As she passed through each corridor she found herself constantly turning around, half expecting to see the over-eager Ranger trailing her. She had a constant feeling he wasn’t far away. *Of course he’s not far away you fool, he’s a part of you! The selfish bastard went and donated his existence to me without even asking!* Of course she didn’t truly feel that way. She couldn’t even win an argument with herself over this issue. Marcus gave her the gift of life, and now he was gone. Once again, she was left with no one -- once again she was emotionally powerless. And once again, she had let “life” -- a chance at really “living” -- pass through her fingers. Why was it that she was always able to keep control in the most difficult situation, but when it came to any matter of emotional consequence she lost it completely? Any psycho- babble doc would confirm that she over-compensated for her lack of emotional control with a wall of achievements and physical domination. Now she knew that wall would be built up even higher. She had to build the damn thing as high as she could reach. She was never going to feel this terrible again. But for now, the walls were crumbled in pieces in front of her. The door sounded and Ivanova was startled from her swim in the lake of self-pity. “Come.” she whispered stoically. As Delenn entered, the look on her face spoke volumes to Susan. And she didn’t feel like reading. “Delenn, if this isn’t about business... if you really don’t mind...” “I know your hurting... but I think you need to come to the ceremony.” Delenn reached out to touch her shoulder and Susan turned away. “The last thing I need to do is stand there while everyone says all these nice words about him. How brave. How dedicated. How kind. How amusing. Can’t you understand? He will never be those any of those things again, because of me. Your barking up the wrong tree.” “I don’t think there will be any trees involved. However, seeing as how Marcus laid down his life for you, I believe you owe him your presence.” Susan spun around to face Delenn angrily. “How dare you tell me what I owe Marcus. Believe me, I know exactly what I owe and its certainly not going to be paid in full at his memorial ceremony.” “I think I have an idea of what you are going through. Don’t forget, Marcus offered to give his life for me on more than one occasion. We were fortunate then that he did not succeed. But fortune doesn’t run eternal. Marcus always knew the risks, he made his decisions wisely.” Delenn’s choice of words angered her even further. “Wisely! Wisely! It was the most ludicrous, stupid, insensitive...” A look of surprise passed over Delenn’s face. “You loved him? “Loved him? I... I... “ Not wanting to admit to feeling anything at the moment, least of all love, she gave in. “Give me a few minutes. I’ll meet you at the damned ceremony.” Everyone was assembled for Marcus Cole’s memorial ceremony. Everyone except Susan Ivanova that is... a fact that was not lost on the crowd in attendance. Whispers questioning her loyalty, dedication, heart, etc. circulated the room. Zack Allen leaned over to Lyta. “You would think the fact that the man died for her would enable her to show some gratitude.” Lyta scowled, “You have no idea what she’s feeling. Perhaps she isn’t up to attending. The funeral of a friend is hard enough, without being the cause.” Just then Susan Ivanova entered. The drone of whispers immediately ceased. Susan looked up from her oblivion, instantly realizing that she was the reason for the silence. *Damn. I knew this was a mistake.* “Commander.” Captain Sheridan beckoned to her. *Oh lord, they were going to make her take her place, front and center.* She wanted so badly to fade into the scenery. Sheridan motioned for her to stand at his side. “I knew you would want to be here. To pay your respects.” Several Rangers entered the room now, carrying with them the cryo-tube that held the lifeless body of Marcus Cole. Susan’s entire body tensed. Waves of heat and cold began flowing through her. Tiny beads of sweat began to appear on her forehead. *Composure Susan! You are in control.* Captain Sheridan began a tribute to the fallen Ranger. Susan vaguely heard words like: heroic, dedicated, comrade, friend. Her head was spinning. For the first time since the Rangers placed the tube in front of her, she glanced at Marcus Cole. Or... what was once Marcus Cole. That face, frozen in time in a perfect Marcus smirk -- had Franklin arranged it? She could just hear him speaking those words in Minbari -- “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known.” Although she didn’t make a sound she began screaming inside. She had lost control of her senses. Lyta jumped at the sound. She scanned the room hurriedly, before realizing that no one else was hearing these cries. *My god,* she thought *Ivanova!* They very fact that she could literally hear Ivanova’s screams without her permission, could only mean that this pain was taking her over completely. *I had no idea she was grieving in such a way.* To look at her face, she was the perfect solider - steadfast and strong. But at second glance, Lyta could see that the commanders fists, clenched at her sides, had gone completely white. *What can I do to ease this pain?* She searched the room in a panic, how could she stop this? What solution was there for Susan Ivanova? As if on cue Delenn’s gaze fell on Lyta who was looking to her across the room for assistance. A puzzled looked crossed the brow of Ranger One. Lyta motioned silently to the Commander, knowing it wouldn’t take long for Delenn to make the same connection - telepathy or no. Susan watched as the Captain finished the burial rite, reciting the final words before the Rangers placed Marcus’ body in the air-lock. Her mind kept telling her to stop it. It took all her will and then some, to keep her body from flinging itself across the cryo-tube -- and she was losing the battle. She could feel her body shaking - the struggle between mind and heart raging inside her. But something was happening outside her own personal war. Delenn stepped forward, approaching Sheridan. She stopped him mid-sentence, just as he was giving the order to return the Ranger from whence he came. Delenn spoke out to the group, as well as to the Captain. “Marcus Cole was more than a just a dutiful Ranger. He was my protector and friend. As I am Entil'Zha, I have come to the decision that his body will be maintained in the cryo-tube, placed aboard a White Star and returned to the sector where his brother, another heroic Ranger, met his untimely end. I am sorry to conclude the ceremony so abruptly, but it is my wish.” The Captain began a refusal, “Delenn, do you really think this...” Delenn silenced him. “Please John, do as I ask. You will understand it all in time.” Crashing back to reality, Ivanova realized that this misery was still not over. Delenn had stopped the ceremony and kept Marcus’ body from being released into space, but now the book was still open. *What the hell is the matter with you? First you don’t want him gone, now you want them to send him off into the heavens. Make up your mind!* But it had already been made for her. Delenn approached Ivanova. “Commander. I would like you to take charge of this operation. You will leave immediately, with the Captain’s approval.” Ivanova stood silently confused. As if sensing her discomfort Sheridan spoke up. “Delenn, I understand the need to unite Marcus and his brother... But don’t you think asking her to do this... its a bit harsh.” The Commander remained as still as a stone. Delenn looked to the Captain for support. “If you refuse because she is needed at her post, I cannot argue with you. However, if she can be replaced without too much trouble, I wish her to be the one to undertake this task.” “Susan?” trying to bring her out of her trance. “Susan, do you understand? Delenn wants you to take Marcus on the White Star. I can make it an order that you stay at your post. Its your call.” “If you can give me the leave, I’ll take it.” The Captain looked shocked, but agreed. “You’ve got it. Take Franklin with you. He can help make the arrangements.” Later, Delenn and Lennier met in seclusion. The Minbari aid looked to be both confused and concerned. “Are you sure this is wise? We have no way of knowing if this will work.” Delenn replied, matter of factly, “So if it doesn’t, what harm have we done? We will tell no one, unless we are successful. You know what to do. The Commander will be waiting for you. Remember, tell no one, but give this to the doctor if it works out as planned.” “As you wish Delenn.” Lennier exited immediately. Aboard the White Star. Ivanova took the helm. “Lennier. Is our course plotted?” “Yes Commander. Sector 14.” “Fourteen! You must be joking. William Cole did not die anywhere near Sector 14.” “No,” Lennier thought carefully. “This is true. But he was laid to rest there. Although I do not know all the details, it is a fact of record, I can assure you.” Emotionally exhausted, Ivanova gave in. “What difference does it make. Let’s get this over with.” As the White Star nears its destination... Stephen enters, approaching Ivanova. “Everything is prepared. Whenever you are ready.” Hearing Stephen’s words, Lennier makes a few quick adjustments at the controls and watches the panic begin. “Commander, something’s gone wrong. We are being pulled into the rift.” Ivanova snapped her head around. “Well, don’t just stand there. Get us out of here. Or we’ll all be stuck in time forever.” Lennier reached under his control panel and removed a strange looking box. “It would be wise to put these on. We may not be able to hold out much longer and these will keep us all from being lost in time.” Out of seemingly nowhere, one of those alien beings called Zathras appears. In the midst the chaos, Ivanova gains composure. “What is he doing here? This mission has nothing to do with time travel. And how did you know we would need the devices?” “Zathras just along for the ride Miss.” taking the box from Lennier, “Please to put these on. Just in case. Your Captain wasn’t so lucky last he was here.” While he places a device on the lapel of each crew member present, Lennier struggles to control the White Star. A confused Dr. Franklin attaches his device, “Are you saying we’re going to be traveling in time?” His question goes unanswered and his bewilderment grows. Zathras hands the last device to Ivanova. “Zathras think all is safe now.” Then to Lennier, “You can proceed.” Bracing herself, Ivanova orders, “Proceed!” Then, “I thought the idea was to stay OUT of the rift. Aw hell, it doesn’t seem like we have a choice now. This better work, because like it or not, it appears we’re heading into the future.” Lennier corrected her silently, “Or the past.” When the transition is complete, control of the White Star is regained. “OK... now does someone want to do some explaining? I was under the impression I was in Command of this ship. Where are we? WHEN are we? And who the hell is pulling my strings!” The Com officer worked feverishly at his controls. “Commander! There seems to be some disturbance in the med lab. The readings on the cryo-tube are going berserk.” Stephen considered the situation. “Probably some distortion due to the field displacement. I’ll go check it out.” “I’m coming with you!” then to Lennier, “Stay here and keep an eye on HIM (referring to Zathras). Any further changes in course and both of your heads will roll.” When Susan and Stephen arrive at the med lab, the place is a disaster. Smoke and electrical sparks filled the room. The doctor rushes over to the cryo-tube. “What in the name of... its gone.” “What’s gone?” “The body. His body. Marcus, he’s not here.” “That’s insane. He couldn’t just get up and walk away. And everyone’s been on the bridge.” A distortion field appears and slowly begins to take the shape of a human being, lying on the floor. As the body begins to solidify, we can see that it is that of the Ranger. They watch in astonishment and hesitation, but when the figure moves slightly, Susan rushes to the ground. Marcus Cole groans as he rubs his arms furiously. “B-B-B-Bugger! I’m f-f-f-f-f-freezing.” Stephen’s eyes are wide in shock. Running her hand through the back of his flowing hair and steadying his head in her arm, Ivanova questions the sight before her. “Marcus? Are you really here?” “Well of course I’m h-h-h-h here. I’m a b-b-b-b-bloody popsicle, but I’m here. What in all that is holy is going on? First I’m here, then I’m in the middle of some great battle, then a funeral or something....” Ivanova, eyes wide and in a state of shock. “Stephen?” questioning her judgment. “Is he....?” The doctor bends down and takes some quick readings from the Ranger. “Perfectly normal. Pulse, heart rate, lungs, brain activity... fit as a fiddle. Its unreal.” Lennier rushes in, accompanied by the Zathras. “I see we were successful. Delenn will be pleased. Welcome back Marcus. You were sorely missed.” Marcus looks even more confused. “Zathras give you this. This you must wear now. Before another time shift.” Looking to Lennier, he continues, “Zathras make arrangements to return us to the place from which we started.” He hands Ivanova the device which she mechanically places on the Ranger’s cloak. Then looking to Lennier. “You did this? It was all a plan?” Sheepishly Lennier replies, “Yes. Delenn thought it best we keep it a secret until we knew whether or not it would work. And apparently it has... she was insistent that we give it a try. She felt, Commander, that even the slightest chance was worth the risk. She assumed that you would agree, had she been able to disclose the situation to you herself. I must go and help our friend prepare the Great Machine for our journey back. Delenn will be very pleased to hear that Marcus has returned to us all. Doctor, she asked me to give you this to explain.” Franklin takes the letter and glances at it haphazardly, still not quite sure he’s believing his own eyes. A voice from the floor begs, “Will somebody please tell me what the bloody hell is going on?” Later, in the White Star’s sleeping quarters... Marcus is lying on a Minbari bed. Stephen is at his side. “Other than a severe case of the chills I feel fine doctor. So now that you’ve examined me, can you fill in some of these blank spots?” Ivanova enters. Stephen responds, “I think I’ll let the Commander fill you in.” Susan speaks privately to Franklin. “How is he?” “He seems completely normal, just fine. His mind is well... lets just say there are a few holes where his memory used to be.” “He doesn’t remember anything?” “Not much. I’ve left the filling in to you. I thought you might like...” “No! I mean, I think -- isn’t it best if he remembers on his own? He could be traumatized if we push him, right?” Marcus is growing intrigued, “You know I realize this is a big ship, but this room is rather small. And seeing how there’s just about ten feet between us -- could you either move closer, or speak louder. As it is I’ve only caught about every third word you’ve said.” To Ivanova, “OK, we’ll give him some time to remember on his own.” Then louder, “Marcus, I have never been so happy to see a *former* patient. (to Ivanova) Take good care of him.” He exits, smiling to himself. Marcus questions Ivanova. “What did he mean by ‘former patient’?” Susan had been contemplating what to tell Marcus about this “situation” for the past two hours. She had resolved to only give him the basics for now. Emotionally, she was not prepared to deal with the gratitude and admiration that was ready to spill out from inside her. “Well... you’ve had quite an adventure....” sparing him the details of his ultimate sacrifice, Ivanova makes it seem that he had been injured and died while involved in the battle on the White Star. “So I was dead. I died during the battle with Earth... And you? There’s something about you. I can almost remember.... (introspective) But you look no worse for wear. You survived without any permanent damage?” “I was lucky I guess. Had a guardian angel looking out for me I suppose.” “And then what are we doing here. I mean, its a little unusual for a dead man in a cryo- tube to be aboard a White Star traveling in time.” “Delenn was very distraught over the loss. She came up with a plan to bring you back, if at all possible. I was ordered to take you... your body, here. And as it appears, her plan worked. You’ve made a miraculous recovery Lazurus.” “And you Commander? Were you distraught?” “Me?! Over you? Are you kidding?” laughing, a bit nervously, “A chance to get rid of a thorn in my side?” Realizing she is playing with him, yet disappointed in her lack of emotion over his return, Marcus considers dropping the issue. “Well, it seems everything is back to normal now.... Although, it doesn’t quite explain your overwhelming concern when you found me on the floor earlier?” Ivanova acts hurt, “What? I’m not allowed to show concern for a friend?” Marcus grins, “A friend. So we are friends after all? I have never been quite sure.” “Listen Marcus, if you don’t stop being a pompous ass, I’m going to stuff you back in that cryo-tube - understand?” She seems to be fighting back some tears. This fact is not lost on the Ranger, as he had been staring into her eyes for some time now. “How about if I just nod my head and *say* I understand. Later when I *really* understand what’s gone on here, I’ll come and find you. All right?” “Your impossible.” “And you’re keeping something from me.” “I’ve got to get back to C&C. When your feeling up to it, why don’t you join me. We’ll give them all quite a shock when we contact Babylon 5 to let them know we’re coming home.” “Too bad it isn’t the Day of the Dead. A corpse coming back to life... its positively poetic.” Suddenly Marcus has a dark flash -- he’s walking in a white room surrounded by smoke, he can’t see in front of him. He seems to be calling out -- but what he can’t tell. “Is something wrong?” Susan, looking concerned. “Do you want me to get Franklin?” Coming out of his trance, “No, no... maybe just some of my past coming back to haunt me.” Then jovially, “And I thought I was supposed to be doing the haunting around here.” “Get some rest.” “I think I’ve gotten all the rest I need for a few decades. I’m coming with you.” As the White Star gets nearer to Babylon 5 - the crew gathers on the command bridge. The doctor is still concerned and amazed at his latest patient’s recovery. “Are you sure you shouldn’t be lying down Marcus.... its just, I’ve never had a patient...” “As I told our Commander here Stephen... I won’t be found in the horizontal position for some time to come.” Realizing the innuendo in those words Marcus looks to Ivanova who is raising an eyebrow. “Really Susan, your mind is in the gutter.” “Don’t be ridiculous. I know you, of all people, didn’t intend to make that slip of the tongue.” “Don’t be so sure. My rebirth has certainly given me some new perspective on a few issues.” Stephen laughs, quite amused, and Ivanova almost blushes, turning her head away. “Hail Babylon 5. Let them know we’re ready for our final approach.” Seconds later, Sheridan’s face appears on the viewscreen. “Ivanova... glad to have you back. How are you holding up? We’re all a little concerned about you.” Marcus cuts in, stepping in view next to Susan. “Pardon me for interrupting Captain, but what exactly is it you were all so concerned about?” Sheridan is rocked. “Marcus! How... what... what happened?” “Once more among the living Captain. And glad to be returning I must say.” Still in a state of shock Sheridan asks, “Commander, what’s going on here?” Clearing her throat, “I think you’d better ask Delenn about that. I’m sure she’ll fill you in on all the details.” “Delenn? What has she got... aw, never mind. I have a feeling I don’t want to know! At any rate, its nice to see you looking so... *healthy* Marcus. We’ll be seeing you all shortly.” “Ivanova out.” Marcus continues to stand in close proximity. He turns and they are face to face, inches apart. “Mind telling me why the Captain was so concerned about your well being?” Flustered, “I don’t like being close to corpses. It gives me the creeps. The Captain was just giving me a hard time.” Marcus grins, “Whatever you say.” Back on Babylon 5 -- Sheridan calls a meeting at Ivanova’s request. Garibaldi is the last to enter the room. “So, where is our friend the zombie?” Ivanova flashes him a *look* and Garibaldi acts hurt. “What did I say? I mean the guy is the walking dead right? But then again, that doesn’t seem to be such a big deal around here anymore. Maybe we should add it to the next census. Right next to “planet of origin”, we could list “previously dead.” Sheridan, not in the mood for Garabaldi’s sarcasm nips it in the bud. “Susan, now that we’re all here -- can you let us in on this secrecy? Why the big pow wow?” “First of all, I want to say... thank you, Delenn.” Delenn nods an acknowledgment. “But I do wish that next time you would consider including me in your plans. Especially when it involves endangering my crew.” Before Delenn can react, Ivanova continues. “While we are all thrilled that Marcus is... back... I think that Stephen would agree that his condition is -- unstable.” Well, seeing as how I only have one other experience in dead men coming back to life...” Looking once again to Sheridan. “I would have to say that we should tread lightly when dealing with his recovery. If that’s what you mean.” “That’s exactly what I mean. I would like to ask that all of you not discuss the past week’s events with Marcus until... well, until we are sure he is completely recovered.” Zack speaks up, “Well we can’t just go around ignoring the guy.” Ivanova shakes her head, “No, of course not. But you can avoid talking about anything that occurred after the (does this battle have a name?). He doesn’t remember much about that time, and I think its best that we let him put things together on his own. He might go into some kind of shock if we aren’t careful.” Delenn comes to a realization and finally speaks up. “How does he believe he died?” More of a statement than a question, as she already knows the answer. “He’s not altogether clear on that yet.” Delenn becomes more impatient, “You don’t want him to know about his sacrifice do you? How can you keep something like that a secret?” “I’m not keeping anything a secret. I, we just think its best that he remember things at his own pace. Recalling the conditions of your own death are traumatic, as I’m sure the Captain can attest... “ “That’s certainly true.” Considering the situation, Sheridan continues, “Lets give Marcus some space to come to his own conclusions. If in time, he is unable to remember, we will find a way to gently reveal the situation to him.” Everyone begins to disperse. Delenn catches Ivanova on her way out. “Your not fooling me Susan. This isn’t about Marcus’ health. Your avoiding the inevitable. I won’t say anything, but you MUST.” Susan scowls, “Once again Delenn, you never fail to advise me of how deep my debt has become. No one could be more aware of it than I am. If he doesn’t remember, I’ll be the one to tell him - in time.” She exits abruptly. ----------------------------- In the Med Lab, Marcus is getting an examination from Dr. Franklin. “Don’t you think you’ve checked every possible corpuscle by now doctor? You said yourself the first three times, everything is completely normal.” “Yes, well.. you’ll have to forgive me Marcus, but I don’t have a lot of experience with cases like yours. I want to be sure we don’t leave any stones unturned.” Exasperated Marcus retorts, “I can assure you, not only have you turned every stone, but each pebble and crag as well.” Ivanova enters the med lab but she is not observed. She decides to keep in that way for the moment. As Franklin concludes his exam, he can’t help but ask -- “How about that memory of yours... any memories, flashes?” The Ranger reflects and comes up with only one response. “My heart is sad, my hopes are gone, My blood runs coldly through my breast; And when I perish, thou alone Wilt sigh above my place of rest. It’s Byron.” Franklin is very confused, “The telepath?” “Lord Byron, 19th Century.” Susan, in the shadows of the room stands in tears. She turns to leave an upsets a tray. Franklin approaches her, “Ivanova.. we were just finish...” But Susan, obviously upset is out the door in a flash. Franklin looks to Marcus confused. Marcus jumps off the table and after Ivanova. She hurriedly walks down the hallway, unaware that she is being pursued. “Susan!” Marcus yells after her. “Please wait.” She continues, not willing to let him see her this torn apart. He yells out again from behind, “Susan! Really, your going to make a recently dead man chase after you?” She stops, knowing that she can’t allow him to overexert himself. She remains with her back turned. He approaches slowly. Though her tears are gone, it is still obvious that she has been upset by something. Marcus places a hand on her shoulder from behind. “What is it? Why did you run away like that?” Not used to public displays of any kind, Susan looks around uncomfortably. Realizing this Marcus suggests, “Look, why don’t we... would you join me for a drink?” She shakes her head no and he persists, “Well, its my quarters or the corridor. You decide.” In Marcus’ Quarters -- He hands her a drink. She takes it gladly and quickly puts a sizable dent in the portion. Marcus sits across from her on a sofa. “Something’s going on with you. Ever since my miraculous return, you’ve been acting strangely. While I realize its quite shocking to be sitting across from a dead man, I know its not in your character to be unnerved by that sort of thing. So, enlighten me.” “You know that I didn’t attend my father’s funeral.” “Yes, you’d mentioned it.” “Well, I don’t do well with funerals. Both of us, you and I, have lost just about everyone we’ve ever cared about, so I know you’ll understand. The more I lost, the harder it became to acknowledge. First I avoided my father’s funeral. I tried to avoid yours.” “I see. Well, its not as if the dead can be insulted by your absence Susan. I am sure you grieved for everyone you lost in your own way. For all the loved ones I’ve lost, I think I’ve only attended one memorial ceremony.” “I said I tried to avoid yours. Delenn was, well lets just say she can be very persuasive.” Amazed, Marcus replies, “I see.” “It was difficult. It brought back a lot of memories I buried a long time ago. Your “death” opened some old wounds.” “And my coming back to life, must have been like applying salt. I’m sorry. Sorry to be the cause of your pain.” *Damn him again!* thought Ivanova. *Just when I was coming up with a logical and even genuine -- to a degree -- explanation, he had to go and say he was sorry! He’s sorry. The man who gave up his life for me, and came back from the dead is sorry to have caused me pain!* Susan shook her head violently, “No. This has nothing to do with you. You absolutely must not feel sorry. I am the one who’s constantly running around under this huge cloud. You of all people, your always trying to make me laugh.” Something she has said has sent Marcus into another memory. “What did you just say?” “I said your always trying to make things light. Make me laugh.” “No before that.” “That I’d been walking around under a cloud?” Instantly Marcus retreats to his memory. He is back in the white, smoky room again. He cries out, “Susan! Susan!” A disembodied British voice replies, “She is not here Marcus. You’ve left her behind.” “Who are you? And how do you know my name?” “You’ve passed into another existence Marcus. Your no longer human, you’ve left the world as you know it.” “You mean, your God?” “If you like. Every creature has its own way of looking at things. If it is comfortable to you, then I am God, yes.” “Susan? Did she? Is she...” “Your plan worked if that’s what your asking. Not the decision I would have made for you, but I had to go and give you all that blasted Free Will.” “So she’ll live. She’s all right.” “I wouldn’t go that far. You made a very selfish decision Marcus. She’s having quite a hard time with that. It appears she going to make some rash decisions in the future that will put her at even greater risk than before.” “Susan’s always being rash. Its her nature. She’s wonderfully independent. He decisions may be impulsive, but the outcome is always a success.” “Your thinking of the Ivanova you used to know. The one that thought with her head, never her heart. Sorrow and remorse will be making her decisions for her now.” In disbelief, “Over me? Yes, I’m sure she’ll grieve a little. Like she did when Sinclair left, or when Sheridan was dead. But she’ll grow stronger from it, she always does.” “Maybe you should have a look for yourself.” In the distance of the white room a corner seems to become Marcus’ quarters on B5. Susan Ivanova is going through his things. Gently she folds his Ranger cloak, stopping to smell the scent of him that remains. She reverently runs a finger over the smooth contours of his Ranger pin and pike, before carefully placing them in a box. Noticing a few volumes of old Earth books on a shelf, she begins paging through one. Her fingers stop and she reads a passage out loud. “And yet, methinks, a gleam of peace doth through my cloud of anguish shine: And for a while my sorrows cease, To know thy heart hath felt for mine.” Ivanova places the book on her lap and breaks down into tears. Marcus snaps back to reality. He is once again in his quarters with Ivanova, its present day and he has come to a sudden realization. Running over to the shelf, he picks up the book Ivanova had been reading in the past. He opens to the page and continues the passage. “Oh lady! blessed be that tear--- It falls for one who cannot weep; Such precious drops are doubly dear to those whose eyes no tear may steep.” Susan looks at him horrified and dumbstruck. He strides across the room toward her. “It was you. You were struck down, you were dying. I didn’t die in battle, I died for...” Afraid to go any farther, Marcus assumes that since she has not mentioned such a monumental sacrifice that either she does not know or doesn’t want to acknowledge him. While Macus is contemplating his next word, Susan composes herself. “Look, before this goes any further, I need a little time to collect myself. I have a feeling you’ve got your hands full with that flood of memories you seem to be having, and I need to let you deal with them on your own. You’ll be hearing from me.” She walks out abruptly. Marcus looks confused and begins talking to himself. “I’ll be hearing from her?” He shakes his head as if to clear it. Then states matter of factly, “I’ll be hearing from her. Hmph.” He shrugs his shoulders and returns to the book of poetry. Later, Franklin joins Marcus in his quarters. “So a little poem brought it all back to you huh? Its amazing what triggers the human brain.” Impatiently Marcus replies, “Yes, yes. But now that its been triggered... perhaps you can provide some clarification. Susan didn’t die, obviously. I did - sort of. And now I’m alive.” Franklin nods his head and mutters, “Yeah, yeah.. that’s right.” Getting impatient with the doctor, “Forgive me for asking the absurd question, but isn’t that a bit extraordinary?” “Oh, you want to know why your here!” Franklin puts an arm around the Ranger’s shoulder. “What? Don’t you think we care about you enough to try and bring you back from the brink? Well, I see your point -- I did consider that you might thank me by pledging to sing me to sleep every night.” “How about this -- I WILL sing you to sleep every night if you don’t stop dragging this explanation out.” Marcus begins to hum, “Modern Major General.” “OK! You win. Well, you know all about the machine. You hacked into my files quite efficiently. You did yourself in and you saved Ivanova’s life. But then there you were... in complete metabolic shutdown, and there was Susan -- pissed off as all get out.” “Pissed off? Your quite serious? What? She wanted someone better looking, taller, younger to donate their life force to her?” Stephen can’t help but laugh, but then decides its time to get serious and return a favor Marcus had done for him not too long ago. “You know how she is Marcus, tough as nails. I mean, you’ve tried to give her little gifts, trinkets before right? How did she accept them? Not too graciously, right? We all know that Susan Ivanova isn’t exactly starving for emotional sustenance, she shut that iron curtain a long time ago. Then you go and give her the ultimate gift. How did you think she would handle it. On top of declaring your feelings in the most unselfish manner possible, you proceed to die. I guess you could say its like giving a child a sweet, then ripping it from their hands and devouring it yourself. The child becomes inconsolable.” “Susan was inconsolable... over me?” Marcus seems unsure as he points a finger at his own chest. “She could barely tolerate the sight of me.” “Look. I don’t know what goes on in that brain OR heart of hers... But I can tell you this. I found her, after she had recovered enough to get out of bed -- lying on the floor, next to your cryo unit, inconsolable.” The doctor seems to have a few doubts about continuing. “I shouldn’t be telling you this.” Marcus raises his pike and threatens, “Mark my words Stephen, if don’t continue I will show you a use for this pike that would have Valen rolling over in his grave.” Franklin clears his throat nervously and continues bravely, “I think Susan and you ought to figure the rest out on your own. If you want to know why your here, its thanks to Delenn. She stopped Sheridan in the middle of your memorial service, had Ivanova and I take you out on the White Star for burial, but only let Lennier in on her plan to resurrect you. It was no accident, she counted on the time shift bringing you back. So now you know why your here. That may not be all I know, but its all I’m willing to share with you at the moment. Anything else, you get from Susan. I know better than to open my mouth about Susan Ivanova’s personal affairs. And I’d tread lightly if I were you too.” The Ranger was still recovering from the explanation of his death and resurrection. “Tread lightly? Why do you say that?” “You know that Susan is defensive about almost anything personal. Your little situation is personal to the extreme. She’s not going to know how to handle you. Be prepared for a walls higher than Jericho.” Jumping up from his chair with sudden ardor and earnestness, “You know what Doctor Franklin... I’ve already lost everything, including my life once. I’m not about to let some puny emotional walls keep me from getting through to the life I’ve got left. Sound the trumpets, the periphery around Commander Ivanova will be collapsing momentarily.” With a flourish of his Ranger cloak, Marcus is out the door and headed towards C&C. As he hurriedly walks the corridor he encounters Sheridan, also in stride towards C&C. Matching Marcus’ hasty steps, Sheridan inquires, “Glad to see you up and about Marcus. What’s the rush?” Grinning Marcus places a hand on Sheridan’s back. “Just the man I needed. You see Captain, Mohammed is going to the mountain -- and I think that the mountain may need to be relieved from duty. Can that be arranged?” Tapping his comm link Sheridan replies, “Way ahead of you.” Then, “Lt. Corwin, please meet me in C&C. Commander Ivanova has some urgent business to take care of.” Corwin responds, “Right away Captain.” As they arrive at the door to C&C Marcus asks, “You coming in?” Sheridan highly amused replies, “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” They enter, Sheridan first and Ivanova greets him. “Captain, what brings you to --” She spies Marcus directly behind him. “Marcus,” as she averts her eyes. “Is there something I can do for you Captain?” Still grinning ear to ear Sheridan answers, “Oh no, no. Just go on about your business. I’m not even here.” He walks about C&C, pretending to occupy himself. Suspecting something’s about to happen, Susan pulls Marcus aside. “OK, you can’t fool me with those innocent eyes and crooked smile. What are you up to Marcus?” “You’ve got me Commander. I’ve come to entertain you. Shall we play a game? Its called, ‘I’ve Got a Secret.’ You guess first.” Gritting her teeth and trying not to be heard by anyone she grabs his sleeve and pulls him towards the door. “Really Marcus, aside from the fact that this is a completely inappropriate time -- I am NOT interested in playing your ridiculous game.” The Captain intervenes, “Oh Susan, play with him. Why don’t you humor him, hm? I mean he did just come back from the dead.” Completely frustrated she addresses Sheridan, “Captain, thank you. But I am sure Marcus and I can have this little game time when my shift is over.” “Oh no,” Sheridan persists. “If I have to make it an order Commander I will. Play the game, I insist.” Sighing heavily, Susan gives in. “Ok Marcus. What’s your secret?” “Come now. Haven’t you ever played a game before? I mean where’s the challenge of competition? If I give you the answer now how can you ever derive any pleasure from --” In a swift move Ivanova lunges at the Ranger and deftly relieves him of his pike. Discharging it and wielding it just inches from his most private area. “I repeat. What’s your secret Ranger Cole?” “Well, yes... I uh, hmmm. You want me to tell you my secret, ok. Well you see, this secret won’t do anyone any good if you happen to make an error with that pike. Why don’t we just put that away and I promise I’ll be good.” Susan doesn’t budge an inch. Marcus decides to seek intervention, “Captain?” Shaking his head apologetically, “Sorry Marcus, I think I’d like to see how this one turns out.” “Spill it Marcus.” Ivanova withdraws the pike, but does not put it down. “But remember that I DO know how to use this thing.” The devilish grin returns to the face of Marcus Cole and further infuriates Ivanova. “What?! Will someone let me in on the damn joke already?” Simply and quietly Marcus announces, “You like me.” “What!” Not sure whether to be embarrassed or angry, Ivanova chooses anger. “Of all the ridiculous --” Marcus interrupts. “You missed me. My little chivalrous act really pissed you off because you missed me.” Raising the pike for a forceful blow Susan protests, “If you don’t get out of here right now --” Suddenly the door behind them opens as Corwin enters. Taking this moment of distraction as his cue, Marcus relinquishes the pike from Susan’s grasp and in the process throws her over his shoulder. “Put me down! I’m working here!” Then pleading, “Captain!” “Sorry Commander, you’ve just been relieved by Lt. Corwin. Have a great evening off, my treat.” Marcus carries her ceremoniously out the door and down the corridor. Passerby’s look on amused and amazed. Garibaldi and Franklin approach and nod a hello at Marcus as if nothing is out of the ordinary. Then to Susan, Garibaldi remarks, “Susan, glad to see you off your feet. You’ve been working to hard.” Franklin agrees, “Oh absolutely, in fact I think I’ll suggest the Captain put you on complete bedrest for oh...” Looking to Garibaldi for help. Michael responds, “Oh, three or four days should do it? Dontcha think?” Franklin agrees, “Exactly. Carry on Marcus.” The two continue down the hall bursting into fits of laughter. Susan growls a heavy sigh, defeated. Marcus continues down the hall. At his quarters, they enter and he finally releases her. “Have you gone completely out of your mind? I should tear your eyeballs out of their sockets, I should rip that ridiculous mustache off your lip... I should take that pike back and put it where the --” Grabbing her to him suddenly and very closely, Marcus puts a finger to her lips. “You my dear, should shut that lovely mouth of yours before someone does it for you.” “I pity the idiot who even tries --” But its too late, she is silenced by the very powerful lips of Marcus Cole. At first she struggles against him. But his mouth is sweet, warm and wet against hers, tightly closed. He continues to gently search her mouth with his, petal soft kisses in every corner until her she begins to yield little by little. She lets out a small sigh and he takes the opportunity to delve in more forcefully. His hands wrapped around her head, entwining his fingers through the mass of chestnut silk that falls over her shoulders. Her hands, which at first had been planted very firmly against his chest in protest, now ease over his shoulders and around his back. This time it is the Ranger who is unnerved by the sensations overcoming him. As he gently pulls away, his eyes search Ivanova’s for some kind of acceptance. Susan’s face gives nothing away. Hesitantly, Marcus inquires, “Well... what’s to happen next?” His hand gently caresses her hair, then runs down her arm, until it reaches hers. He holds it gingerly in his own. “I made a huge mistake,” the words of finality are spoken assuredly by Commander Ivanova. Marcus drops her hand, exasperated. “A mistake! So that’s how you see *this*. You know, I don’t think I can take much more of this rejection. Its not as if I’ve had a lot of experience with this sort of thing -- but I think I did rather well there.” Marcus walks a few steps away and takes a seat. As she watches him, Ivanvoa can practically see all signs of good humor escape him. His head in his hands, Marcus is obviously hurt. Susan approaches him awkwardly, she has never seen his disposition this lackluster, “Marcus, I...” Looking up from his reverie, he cuts her off. “Susan. Lets not do this. I’ve made a perfect fool of myself over a woman who obviously is not interested. You have my word that I will not bother you any further.” He stands and walks toward the door to his quarters. “If you’ll excuse me,” insinuated that she should leave. “I’ve got some arrangements to make.” For the first time in her life, Susan Ivanova doesn’t know what to say. She silently allows him to show her out. She turns and looks at him from the outer side of his doorway. She attempts to speak, and he silences her. “Uh.. no,” he shakes a finger and nods his head as the door closes in her face. The following day, Ivanova is having a meal at one of the Zocalo’s fast food stands. She sits alone, contemplating her situation with Marcus. “May I join you?” the voice belongs to Stephen Franklin. “Of course,” she motions for him to sit. “Why am I not surprised to see you?” “You know that my specialty is the mechanics of the body, so I’m not exactly the right person to be offering romantic advice...” he hesitates uncomfortably. “But Susan, I was *there*. I saw what you went through when Marcus was gone. Even you must see that fate is trying to show you that you were wrong. All love is not unrequited. How many people in this world do you think get a second chance like the one you got?” “Not too many.” Susan acknowledged Franklin’s observations. “You know I’m not one to sit around and feel sorry for myself. But Stehpen, how many of those few ever experienced the kind of loss that I have?” A self assured look passed over the doctor’s face. “Honestly, Susan. If I were a betting man, I’d put all my money on the answer being - all of them.” Susan cracked a slight smile. “I guess you have a point. But romance and me don’t do very well. Its going to sound awful cowboy-ish, but I’m a loner, its my best defense.” “But you do care about him.” Franklin snapped, getting frustrated. “You know a very wise man once told me -- Touch passion. Don’t walk away when it calls you by name.” Susan laughed inwardly, “Sounds like something Marcus would say.” “Exactly,” he confirmed her inadvertent guess. “What I don’t understand Commander, is why after getting him back from the dead, your letting him leave you for a second time?” “A second time?” she asked confused and suddenly alarmed. “What are you talking about?” Franklin is surprised, “I thought you knew. Marcus is leaving. He spoke to Delenn last night, she’s sending him to Mimbar for orders and from there... well, all I got out of her is that its an undisclosed location for a very extended stay. Susan if your having any second thoughts about this relationship I suggest you move now. Last I saw Marcus Cole he was headed for Docking Bay 5.” Ivanova stood abruptly. “Excuse me Stephen. I’ve got some business to attend to.” Smiling widely Franklin called out to her, “Good luck!” Then whispered to himself, “Not that luck has anything to do with it.” He tapes his comm link and says, “The mountain is on her way to Mohammed.” Just outside Docking Bay 5, Garibaldi acknowledges Franklin’s transmission. “Reading you loud and clear doctor. Garibaldi out.” After giving a shrill whistle in the general direction of the docking bay, Garibaldi quickly leaves the area. In the Docking Bay, Marcus appears busy, loading bags on board. As he works, he is unaware that Ivanova has entered the area. Purposely trying to stun him she loudly barks, “Just where do you think your going.” Marcus feigns a heart attack, “Susan. Honestly, you’ve got to stop trying to kill me off again. First making me run down corridors, then trying to give me cardiac arrest.” Gravely she retorts, “That’s not funny Marcus.” He steps down from inside the shuttle and walks toward her somberly. “I am sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Of course you know... I would do it all again.” She shakes her sobriety, “You ever try a stunt like that again, don’t count on me being around to resurrect your ass.” He smiles but insists on remaining serious, “Susan, I’m leaving.” Obviously hurt, she replies, “So I’ve heard. Weren’t you even going to say good-bye?” “I sort of thought we did that last night. I didn’t want to produce another scene.” In a gesture of friendship he lightly touches her arm. “I know how much you dislike scenes.” “Yes, well...” she hesitates before diving into the deep water. “About last night... I uh... it wasn’t really so...” Unable to get the words to form she gives in for the direct approach. “Aw hell!” Pulling the Ranger in fast, she kisses him full and hard. This time it is Marcus who is reserved and tight-lipped, but unlike Ivanova the previous night, he is unyielding. Somewhat rejected she pulls away. “Damn you Marcus. I’m trying to tell you not to leave.” “Susan, there’s only so many times I man can be played like a yo-yo. I’m dead, I’m alive. You don’t give a damn, your overwhelmingly concerned. Your mourning, your trying to kill me. I kiss you, you kiss me.” Bobbing his head as he speaks, Marcus acts as if he’s dizzy. “Up and down, up and down. Its all very nauseating.” Ivanova grabs Marcus by both shoulders as if to jar him to his senses, “Listen to me. Last night, when I said I’d made a huge mistake, you didn’t let me finish. My huge mistake was not letting your sweet and wonderful gestures touch my heart months ago, the way they do now. My mistake, was not touching passion when it called my name - over and over and over again.” Smiling at her own joke, Susan reaches up from his shoulder and runs her fingers along his bristly jaw line. “And not admitting loving you before this very minute.” Looking up hesitantly, Marcus asked, “Your serious. The mistake you mentioned, was that you didn’t say you loved me? “ Still unable to be completely serious, even when declaring her undying love, she joked, “Well that and letting you die a virgin. I should have boffed you after you made me that ridiculous hierarchy chart.” “Yes, well... that whole virgin thing.” Marcus responds, smiling wickedly. “Do you think we could remedy it before I leave? I’d hate to die a virgin two times.” As he waits for her response, he walks into the shuttle. “Your still leaving?” She chases after him, not believing her ears. “Your not leaving. Marcus Cole if I have to tie you to that steel girder over there I will. I’m not letting you get away from me now.” The Ranger laughs out loud and hard. “I was wondering how long you were going to let me go on with this ruse!” He motions to his packed bags. “Much longer and I would have had to send re-enforcement’s for a new armory.” Confused and stunned Susan bends down to look at his gear. As she observes the contents her face contorts in condemnation. “Champagne?! Caviar?! Strawberries?! You set me up!” Shrugging his shoulders and grinning Marcus replies, “Guilty as charged.” As she is about to shower him with every Russian swear word in the book, he grabs her by the hand, pulling her up from the floor and close to his body. “No, no... don’t do it. I’m feeling very faint of heart at the moment. And you made an oath that you would not let me die a virgin -- again.” Realizing defeat, Susan snuggles in closer to his warm chest, “So I did. But just tell me one thing... how did you know I’d come looking for you? Were you just going to sit around this docking bay forever, until I happened by?” “I had a few accomplices.” At that, Marcus turns on the shuttle’s viewscreen and Garibaldi and Franklin’s faces appear. Embarrassed, Ivanova explodes, “Boom, gentleman. When I get my hands on you two. Boom!” Garibaldi laughing, “I have a feeling by the time you get to us you’re going to be all boomed out Commander. Garibaldi out.” Pulling her close to him again, Marcus inquires, “Can you explain this -- Boom?” “I think... hm. Yes. I think I can. But I’m going to need to use some visual aids.” Susan’s hands begin to wander down Marcus’ back to his rear end. “Visual aids. Ah, sort of like my chart?” While he asks the question seriously, it is obvious his mind has begun to roam elsewhere. After kissing him lightly on the neck and then the ear, Ivanova lets her tongue go to work where her lips had just been. She takes a moment and responds, “Not exactly.” Marcus mouths the words, “Thank you,” to the heavens. The End???