April 30, 2012
NL Game 26

Orioles (Quinn Construction)   7
Dodgers (Media Copy)   7

 

 

Media, PA (Pravda) - The high winds, cool temperatures and dark clouds have cast a long shadow over the last two games for our beloved Dodgers. If Saturday's 15-15 tilt against the Twins weren't enough, the Dodgers once engaged in a battle of attrition and marched their way to a 7-7 tie against a strong Orioles team. Tie, draw, deadlocked, knotted, even-steven. No matter the words used to describe it, the Dodgers have inexplicably played two games without losing and without winning. Did these games ever happen? Needless to say, the Dodger players are left scratching their heads and wondering just what in the Wide World of Sports is going on.

Garvey Williams has starred in the past two games. He's hit a home run in each game, played strong defense and has pitched well too. But despite his personal success, his faced showed confusion after the Oriole game. "I mean, we're paid to win, right? And this is baseball where there are no ties, right? Then how did we tie? What would Abner Doubleday say about this?".

Hard-nosed utility player Liam "William F." Buckley took things a step further. Buckley who never met a microphone he didn't like, had this to say, "Conspiracy? Obviously. Look I have said for a while now that there is an element within the MLL industrial complex that is deadset upon imposing some sort of socialistic policies upon our team and the league as a whole. We lead the league in runs scored and now this happens? Twice? Coincidence? Please. You just wait and see. By the end of year, we won't be playing ball up here but instead they'll have us reading poetry and listening Coldplay. But I digress. Did Mom get the team snack yet?".

Foul Balls... The second half of the home and home series with the Orioles will take place this coming Saturday. Things should get chippy... Shane Kokoska will miss Saturday's game due a prior obligation that cannot be mentioned due to the MLL's Seperation of Church and State policy (See Buckley)... There will be an umpire clinic at the National League field on Tuesday night, May 1st . SRO tickets are available....And lastly, also on this coming Saturday Jay Stubblebine and Tim Broadhurst will be honored as the MLL celebrates St. James Day at the complex. Jay and Tim will wear their black Chuck Taylor sneakers to honor the Jimmies and they'll spend the rest of the day trying to convince their players that there really was a school called St. James back in the olden days and it was relevant (kinda, sorta).