April 10, 2012
NL Game 2

Dodgers (Media Copy)     17

Red Sox (Media Dental)     3

(AP) Media, PA - Amid swirling winds and frigid temperatures, the Dodgers of the National League made a statement in their home opener by defeating the visiting Red Sox 17-3. The Dodgers came out hitting early and often and staked a 12-0 lead before the Red Sox found their footing. The Dodgers offense was fueled by key hits from Robert Furlan, RJ Host and Michael Cropper. Adrian "the Cooler" Kohler pitched a strong game as well. All in all, it was a great start to the season on the field for the Dodgers.

However, all may not be well off the field in Tinsletown. Just how did the Dodgers keep those bats so hot throughout the evening? Well, an unnamed MLL source was quoted as saying he observed Dodger bats being shuttled into the snack bar and kept warm on the grill by someone only identified as "Michelle C". League officials are still attempting to see if there is any correlation between this nefarioius snack bar employee and Dodger management. Veteran Dodgers manager Randy Cropper only said, "Hmmm, that name rings a bell but....".

Foul Balls.... Dodger catcher Shane Kokoska was quite distraught when we caught up with him after the game. Sitting with his face in his hands in front of his locker he repeatedly muttered, "Pretzels. Mom said she'd get the team pretzels.".