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Stupid Things That Don't Make Sense

Last Updated - 2/20/00

Did you ever notice all the stupid things in the world? When you think about it, a lot of things don't make sense. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege. This page is dedicated to those things.

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there Interstate Highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of the parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations where smoking is prohibited in the first place?

Do you need a silencer if you're going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who operates the snow plow get to work in the morning?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days per year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?

If you you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped them from a height, how would they land?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open Here"? What is the protocol if the package says, "Open Somewhere Else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is "brassiere" a singular reference, and "panties" plural?

Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a "shipment", but when you transport something by ship it's called "cargo"?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why don't they just make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when we're driving and start looking for an address, we turn down the volume on the radio?

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If a duck eats and then goes into the water, does he get the cramps?

Why do they call them buildings when the construction is already done? They should be called "builts."

Why does a cowboy wear two spurs? If one side of the horse moves, so will the other.

Why are they called cowboys when cows are girls and bulls a boys? They should be called cowgirls and bullboys.

Why do they fine you money if your check bounces? They know you ain't got the money, otherwise it wouldn't have bounced!

Why is there scented toiletpaper?

Why do people nod at the speakers in the drive thru?

Why do they call a statue a bust when it stops right before the part it was named after?

Why do they write "off" on a lightswitch? When the light's on, I can see the word "on." When it's off, I can't see a thing!

Why do they have dog food shaped like the flavor it's supposed to be? A dog doesn't care one way or another...It's not like it's gonna pick out all the fish flavored bit...

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Why is the word "short" longer than the word "long?"

If a lady wins the Indy 500, does she still have to kiss the pretty lady at the end?

True story: This kid at my school said he was gonna commit suicide when he went home. What'd the skilled counselors do? They sent him home early!

This isn't a really stupid thing, but it's funny. There was this sign on this door, no big deal. It said "Door alarmed." Hand-written next to it, someone wrote "Window frightened."

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something wrong with it before.

Why are people willing to get off their butts to endlessly search the room for the TV remote, yet they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually?

When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? If so, who and where are they?

Why do people say while watching a movie, "Did you see that?" No you moron, I paid $8.50 to come to the theatre and stare at that thing over there. What did you come here for?

Why do people ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Gee, didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

Why do people point at their wrist while asking for the time? I know where my watch is buddy, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

Why are bald eagles named the way they are? They aren't bald...Now vultures, they're bald. Shouldn't we be calling vultures bald eagles instead?

Why is it called "beta carotene?" Alpha comes before beta, so naturally they should call it alpha carotene, right?

Why do people always say "I could care less" when they don't care about something? When you say it that way, it shows that you do care. So instead people should say "I COULDN'T care less," that way it shows that the issue is at the bottom of their list.

Why do people say "The grass is always greener on the other side"? Have you ever flipped a hunk of grass over? Don't look green to me. Looks kinda brown.

Why do people say "I have that same thing, only it's different!"?? Either it's the same or it's different! Not both!

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think I'm just gonna write . . . A Very Good Doctor, preferably without the name Jim-Bob.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . become pen pals with these men ?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it that only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance?

Why is it that only in America are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink?

Why is it that only in America do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke?

Why is it that only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?

Why is it that only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage?

Why is it that only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?

But only in America do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...

What moron put an "s" in the word "lisp?" Kinda defeating the purpose if the person can't say it, aren't ya?

What do you ship styrofoam in?

Why do they sterilize lethal injections?

What's up with "virgin wool"??? How do you get virgin wool? Find an ugly sheep or what?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

If I piss on a toad, will he get warts?

What do chameleons do if they don't like what they're eating? We can just spit it out, but they have a sticky tongue. So what do they do if they get a nasty fly?

Do you have to brush your teeth during a fast?

If yogurt goes bad, how do you tell?

Why do people always say everything looks like a drowned rat? Was it a Polish pastime to fish decaying rodents out of the sewer systems or something? Or is the question better asked: Did those same Polish people attempt to give the rat mouth to mouth before declaring it drowned?

Why does sour cream have a sell by date?

Why do kamakaze pilots wear crash helmets?

If olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from?

If a person has multiple personalities and threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

I wonder how deep the oceans would be if sponges didn't live there?

How did they get to Preparation H? What happened to Preparations A through G?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

How come when a guy talks dirty to a girl, it's sexual harassment, but when a girl talks dirty to a guy, it's $3.95 a minute?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

If Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until they open their mouth?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then what is the opposite of progress?

How come lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Why do people buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

How come Tarzan never grew a beard?

Why is it that when you blow in a dog's face, it gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window?

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

If you take an Asian person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do you call a male ladybug?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?

Which is the other side of the street?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of asteroids?

If a mime swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

Do wet hens really get mad?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

Do dancers in nude clubs have undress rehearsals?

Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing?

Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?

Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" when we're already there?

If there are misspelled words in the dictionary, how would we know?

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Is it illegal to run into a crowded fire and yell "Theater!?"

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

It's OK for a fat person to say, "You're so skinny." However, a thin person doesn't dare say, "You're so fat."

Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

What's another word for synonym?

I wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?

Why is it called "After Dark" when it's really "After Light"?

If you’re a man and have a sex changed operation, does your auto insurance rate go down?

Since a tin whistle is made out of tin, then what exactly is a fog horn made out of?

How did people trim there toenails before the invention of tools with sharp metal edges?

If you rape a prostitute can you plead guilty to the lesser charge of shop lifting?

Why is "verb" a noun?

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