Cause I'm happy, I'm happy!
Try to describe the type of person you might be interested in meeting (either
romantically or platonically).
I am interested in meeting anybody. I have no qualms about talking about anything,
from the exceedingly
controversial to the mindnumbingly mundane. I love talking to people and as they
talk I just stare at the back of
their throats, as they stammer on endlessly. I pay careful attention to the
epiglotis and evaluate their owners
accordingly.
Describe your personality.
I am the first and the last. I am all things to all people. I can sing a single
note and hold it for nearly an hour. I
can put people to sleep and wake people up with a mere sneeze. I can take anything
and make it something
else. My personality is best described as 'sculptor'
Where have you met most of your current friends? What are they like?
I don't know. They all approached me on the street after one of my impromptu
interpretive dances while setting
myself aflame. Ususally it's on the subway. What are they like? They use to be
their own person, now they are
carbon copies of me. Literally. They have black dust all over them.
What type of work do you do and do you enjoy it?
I do nothing and I do not enjoy it.
Favorite pastime? Hobby? Diversion?
My favorite pastime is filling out questionaires.
What kind of magazines/newspapers/books do you read? Favorite authors?
I read my own magazine: Liberty-Flak Jacket, a beat poetry/tatoo magazine that I
self publish. My favorite
author is me.
What's printed on your favorite T-shirt?
If you think I'm ugly, you should see my dead great grandfather!
What were your favorite toys as a child? What are your favorite toys now?
My favorite toys as a child were blenders and wacky wall walkers. Now, I think
twenty foot sections of pvc
pipe leave me breathless
Do you collect anything? (e.g. stamps, coins, dust, losers)
I collect unemployment, but never my own.
If you could become any animal on earth, what would you become and why?
I would be a sheep with an outboard motor
What do people notice first about you?
Certainly the phineas gage-like metal pipe in my head.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would be a thousand feet tall and breathe fire. Either that or I'd like a more
supple pelvis.
Describe your favorite place on earth. What makes that place special?
My favorite place on earth is it's molten core. It is special because it's the
liquid center of a solid object, just like
my spleen!
Have you ever accomplished anything that got your name on television, radio, in a
magazine, newspaper, or on the
post office wall? What was it you did?
I was nominated for the 1888th annual Bad Nugget competetion. If you don't know
what it is, don't ask. But, as
a result, I was on CNN in a thong.
Do you belong to any organizations, clubs or teams?
I started the "survivors of the bad nugget competetion support group'. I'm the only
member, but i'm looking for
joiners. Also, I play handball professionally.
What are some of your lifelong goals? Where would you like to be tomorrow? Where would
you like to be in 2 years?
In 5 years?
I want to find a time machine that will allow me to bypass this question throughout
my life.
Where are you calling from?
I am calling from a computer! Can you BELIEVE it? When I was a kid, you could play
"Dodge 'em" on the
Atari and THAT was fun! Now, I'm talking to people on this plastic TV box! Can you
believe this?
Any additional thoughts? Is there anything about you that the questionnaire didn't
cover?
I thought the questionnaire was foolish and easily
manipulated. I have had this
questionnaire over to my apartment on
several occasions, and had my way with it every single time. I always promise to call, but I never do.
Won't it ever learn?
