Chapelsnap (UPI)- Chapelsnap's Universe of Liquid Theme Park was rocked by the arrest of a local man suspected of repeatedly raping the park's star dolphin, Hoppy. Officials claim Gunther Gutterlindenhammer, a Finn residing illegally in the Chapelsnap Ghetto of Little Oslo, has been sneaking into the tourist trap every night for the past week and 'gettin' it on'. The district attorney is concerned that the Wedell Seal who is the star witness will have his credibility undermined under cross-examination. The seal was tight lipped under the press enslaught perched outside the police headquarters, where he was questioned for several hours.

Authorities now peer into the seedy past of Gutterlindenhammer, employeed as a Geiger Counter counter at the Rent-A-Geiger Counter Pavillion in Weltsville. Formerly, he was self employed, marketing chocolate crucifixes under the name the Immaculate Confection. Gutterlindenhammer appeared visibly distressed at a press junket, saying "Can we all just...get it on?"

Not formally charged, Gutterlindenhammer was freed on a Writ of Labius Porpoise.

In a related story, Universal Pictures has green lighted production on the late Albert Secane's sequel to Jaws, in which the now-elderly shark reflects back on his youth. Tentatively titled Jowls, the film begins shooting next spring.