Quotes

Here are some quotes I've gathered together.  Hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

ones in blue are my faves!  :)

"People change and forget to tell each other." --Lillian Hellman

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." --Benjamin Franklin

"A man is happy so long as he chooses to be happy, and nothing can stop him." --Alexander Solzenitsyn.

"He who cannot agree with his enemies is controlled by them." --Chinese Proverb

"Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born." --Dr. Dale Turner

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." --Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

"You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun." --Al Capone

"Some men see things as they are and say 'why?' I dream things that never were and say 'why not?'" --Robert F. Kennedy

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those who neither enjoy much or suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." --Theodore Roosevelt

"Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth." --Lillian Hellman

"Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about." --Sam Ewing

"Talent is the gift plus the passion - a desire to succeed so intense that no force on earth can stop it." --Neil Simon

"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public." --Bryan White

"If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it." --Andy Rooney

"You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you." --Mary Tyler Moore

"A common enemy does not a true friendship make." --Richard Stengel

"We're all only fragile threads, but what a tapestry we make." --Jerry Ellis

"Winners have simply formed the habit of doing things losers don't like to do." --Albert Gray

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal." --Hannah Moore

"Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit: we cannot flower and grow without it." --Jess Lair

"Sometimes even music cannot substitute for tears." --Paul Simon

"Truth is eternal, knowledge is changeable. It is disastrous to confuse them." --Madeleine L'Engle

"Beyond talent lie all the usual words: discipline, love, luck - but, most of all, endurance." --James Baldwin

"Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself,' it's good advice." --Robert Orben

"Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do." --Terry Marchal

"Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full, I see the glass as too big." --George Carlin

"All our souls are written in our eyes." --Edmond Rostand

"If you can't be kind, at least be vague." --Judith Martin

"Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment." --Robert Benchley

"The best way to predict the future is to create it." --Peter F. Drucker

"Never go to a plastic surgeon whose favorite artist is Picasso." --Gene Perret

"Why do they call it rush hour with nothing moves?" --Robin Williams

"We are never prepared for what we expect." --James A. Michener

"Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud." --Hermann Hesse

"The secret of being boring is to tell everything." --Voltaire

"When I realized that what I had turned out to be was a lousy, two-bit pool hustler and drunk, I wasn't depressed at all. I was glad to have a profession." --Danny McGoorty

"So, rather than appear foolish afterward, I renounce seeming clever now." --William of Baskerville

"The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and faith to believe it is possible." --Richard M. Devos

"You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh." --Jay Leno

"You can have it all. You just can't have it all at once." --Oprah Winfrey

"Tis better to eat a smurf than be eaten by one." --Marsha Croskey

"If you have to ask, you'll never know." --Louis Armstrong

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." --Ernest Hemingway

"Never be afraid to sit a while and think." --Lorraine Hansberry

"If you can't convince them, confuse them." --Harry S. Truman

"If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills?" --Steven Wright

"Interviewing Robin Williams is like trying to hold helium in your fist." --Barbara Walters

"A good answer is what you think of later." --Sam Ewing

"The wise man has long ears, big eyes, and a short tongue." --Russian Proverb

"The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder." --Ralph W. Sockman

"A man who takes and never gives, may last for years, but never lives." --Unknown

"The miracle is this... the more we share, the more we have." --Leonard Nimoy

"Don't make love by the garden gate. Love might be blind, but the neighbors ain't!" --Pioneer Proverb

"Write a wise saying and your name will live forever." --Anonymous

"It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature." --Steven Wright

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." --Steven Wright

"Live as you will have wished to have lived when you are dying." --Christian Furchtegott Gellert

"What can you say about a society that says God is dead and Elvis is alive?" --Irv Kupcinet

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." --Jose Clue Ervo

"The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched, they must be felt with the heart." --Helen Keller

"We are torn between the craving to know, and the despair of having known." -F. Sagan

"I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is they must change if they are to get better." --G. C. Lichtenberg

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." --A. Whitney Brown

"Each today, well-lived, makes yesterday a dream of happiness and each tomorrow a vision of hope. Look, therefore, to this one day, for it and it alone is life." -Sanskrit poem

"People forget how fast you did a job --but they remember how well you did it." --Howard W. Newton

"Does anyone else find some irony in a bunch of politicians getting into a major fit over another politician lying?" --Tim Stahmer

"How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars." --Steve Martin

"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein

"The fear of death keeps us from living, not from dying." --Paul C. Roud

"Life is a movie, and you're the star. Give it a happy ending." --Joan Rivers

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude." --Scott Hamilton

"A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest man." --Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

"Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." --Henry Van Dyke

"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends." --Richard Bach

"And remember this: if you ever think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito." --Anito Roddick

"Sometimes I feel like smacking myself for being so stupid. Then I realize that would be kinda dumb." --Amber Stockham

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend on reading it." --Groucho Marx

"Action does not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without it." --Benjamin Disraeli

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." --Robert Heinlein

"A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk." --Lee Entrekin

"Whenever someone tells me I'm barking up the wrong tree, the hair on the back of my neck stands up and I get this irresistible urge to bite their pants leg." --Dave Henry

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen which said, 'Parking Fine.'" --Tommy Cooper

"Maybe some things do improve with age, but no matter how long I wait, my Commodore 64 just won't run Windows 95." --Kevin Sullivan

"I would not want to live in a cartoon world... Too many people have access to too much dynamite." --Erik Shmukler

"The problem with political jokes is they get elected." --Henry Cate VII

"Never judge a book by it's movie." --J.W. Eagan

"People say I'm immature. But that's so funny 'cause they're a bunch of stupid-faces!" --Jim Rosenberg

"When I was a kid, we walked 10 miles to school everyday, sometimes in the rain or snow. Man, did we feel stupid when we found out there was a bus." --Brian Auten

"The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close." --Mark Twain

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." --Herm Albright

"Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others." --Robert Louis Stevenson

"All things good to know are difficult to learn." --Greek Proverb

"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts." --Albert Einstein

"Life's a b*tch, and life's got lots of sisters." --Ross Presser

"Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it." --Benjamin Franklin

"A misty morning does not signify a cloudy day." --Ancient Proverb

"The man that invented golf and said it was 'fun' is the same guy that invented bagpipes and said it was 'music.'" --Anonymous

"Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught." --Winston Churchill

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop." --Confucius

"Originality does not consist in saying what no one has ever said before, but in saying exactly what you think yourself." --James Stephens

"One thing inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint." --Unknown

"Women prefer men who have something tender about them - especially the legal kind." --Kay Ingram

"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. There's so little hope for advancement." --Snoopy

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function." --Unknown

"The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf." --Will Rogers

"Isn't it interesting that many Americans won't watch soccer because it is 'boring,' but are more than happy to spend the afternoon watching golf?" --Sandi Bain

"I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I don't." --George Burns

"But some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love -why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there." --Erma Bombeck

"Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens." --Bob Hope

"Prayer does not change God, but changes him who prays." --Soren Kierkegaard

"Love is like a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." --Matt Groening

"Failure is nature's plan to prepare you for great responsibilities." --Napolean Hill

"If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?" --Lily Tomlin

"I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night, I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in 2 minutes." --Steven Wright

"The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly,' meaning 'many,' and the word 'ticks,' meaning 'blood sucking parasites.'" --Larry Hardiman

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." --George Burns

"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem." --Theodore Rubin

"Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember, all men are strange." --Robin Morgan

"Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you should never date a baseball player." --Marsha Warfield

"Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. Take a cool appraising glance at his pals." --Cynthia Heimel

"Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question." --Albert Camus

"It's not the men in my life that count--it's the life in my men." --Mae West

"One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory." --Rita Mae Brown

"You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time." --Charles F. Kettering

"People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don't need to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there." --Unknown

"Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards."  -- R. A. Dickson