Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!
For many years I played a game within a huge open field. So many choices of where to go, who to talk to, what to do next. One day I realized there was a large wall at the far end of the field with a gate in the middle of it. I moved closer and began to notice the wall on a more regular basis. Though some threw themselves at the wall or tried to climb over it to get to the other side, they failed. Occasionally, a crowd would come through the gate in the wall and place someone on top... they would stay there for a while, then eventually come down and go through the gate to the other side. My friends and I began to play near the wall, but we became so used to it being there that we didn’t take much notice of it. Much of our time was spent doing the things we love to do and visiting with each other. Sometimes things got hectic, but for the most part we didn’t mind. We loved what we were doing.

One day a group of dear friends, some other faces that I new and strangers came through the gate and with much pomp and pageantry placed me atop the wall. They spoke of things past, present and future. We enjoyed each others company for quite a while. As they prepared to go, they told me to stay and think about on which side of the wall I wished to play. Then they left me alone to decide.

I thought the answer would be easy. I had been curious and always wanted to explore what was on the other side of the wall. Now with a new vantage point I could get a good look at what lay beyond. The grass truly was not any greener as some had thought. I noticed that the field on one side was very much the same as the field on the other. Most of the same things were happening on both sides of the wall. I had friends on both sides. This decision was becoming very hard.

I looked from the wall out into the field that I knew and loved so well. My friends were still gathered within speaking distance. Every once in a while they would give me a smile or ask if there was anything they could do. They expressed great joy that I was on the wall and couldn’t wait for me to come down and go through the gate to the other side. I looked past them and further out into the field. I saw people still playing or sitting around chatting in small groups. It gave me peace to know that things were still going on as usual. Far back in the field I saw folks coming towards the wall. Some were running, but most were just walking along enjoying the company of their friends and occasionally they would stop in a spot and play.

I then turned my attention to the mysterious other side of the wall. I had friends there also. They inquired if I had any questions about their side and asked me what I needed them to do. They were happy for me and did much planning for my entrance through the gate ... although it was perfectly clear that the choice was mine to make. I looked out into this field, wanting to explore a bit more of what was there. People were still playing , only now they did it much faster. They rarely stopped to have a brief word with friends before rushing off to do this, that or something completely different. Yet they still had smiles on their faces and I could see they enjoyed what they were doing. Part way back were folks just sitting around doing very little. I could understand needing to take a break. Things seemed very hectic on that side of the wall. I looked beyond these people and noticed that the field was empty except for a person wandering here or there in the distance. Occasionally folks from near the wall would go back and try to play with them or help them move back towards the wall. Sometimes they would come back arm in arm and everyone would be all smiles again. Other times the distant ones would send the visitor back and remain far out in the field. I could see sadness and disappointment when people returned alone.

I was still torn about which side of the wall I wanted to play on. I spent days in contemplation. I was not thrilled at the thought of leaving those friends who played with me for so long behind to romp in a new field. I also saw how hard my friends who had already passed through the gate worked. It seemed as if there was an extra burden upon them ... yet they still seemed happy enough. Then I realized the wall had disappeared. The beautiful gate was all that remained. Many from the side that seemed more busy often crossed back and forth. Sometimes visiting with friends, sometimes moving them to play closer to the gate ... sometimes they even ran way back in the field and played or brought people closer.

It was then that I realized to not go through the gate was silly. It would change things, but not too much .... unless I get so focused on myself and nothing else that I would wander far out into the field and become lost. I have no fear of that. I have friends in the field who I can count on to drag me back towards the wall should I wander too far. It’s OK to take a break every once in a while, but I shouldn’t linger too long for fear that I will forget the joy and friendship that abounds in the activity near the wall. So long as I keep doing what I enjoy and keep playing the game that brought me so close to the gate in the first place, I will be just fine. Some day more of my friends will join me and we will be busier than ever - doing the things we love to do so much and going back and forth through the wall ... making new friends.

written by Pauline Hassinger
Known in the SCA as Mistress Yvianne de Castel d'Avignon
from the Kingdom of AEthelmearc