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(AP) Chapelsnap Monster Truck Arena Opens Amid Scandal
by Lips Mishuganuh

Rory Fuckington is in trouble.

The infamous barbor who owns and operates Chapelsnap International Hairport was arrested in Yonkers, New York City, trying to rent a kilogram of cocaine to several non-English-speaking folk. Police found him wandering oriented back toward his rented lean-to in the northwestern section of the lower east side.

Questions immediately arose. "What's up with that?" police wondered incredulously.

And what does this have to do with the Vito Necktie Memorial Monster Truck and Tractor Pull Stadium recently erected on Broad Street amidst the groans of the locals?

That's what Chapelsnap's lame duck mayor Garrison "Wabirthday" Wabash wants to know. He also wonders why was the phone number of newly elected Mayor Phillip D'Vacuum was in Fuckington's Pocket.

D'Vacuum fumed at reporters queries: "I asked the SOB to have my hat blocked. I did not expect a whole damn rigamarole."

More reports as they become available.