I'd like to know just who it was that made these computer messages! What sort of sick sense of
humor....striking fear in the hearts---well, maybe it's just me that feels this way. The first time I
got a message that "illegal somethings had been performed" I thought my house would instantly
be surrounded and the door bashed in by the FBI or at least the computer police. I envisioned
myself insisting I did nothing! Just sitting there minding my own business playing solitaire and
that frickin message came on!
How about that "FATAL ERROR HAS OCCURRED".....get outa here, I had that message a thousand times by now in my computer career...what a joke. First time I expected to hear sirens, like unto those that go off in the Starship Enterprise after aliens have been detected on board or the ship is rocking through turbulence. But no....no such drama here. And when my computer actually DID mess up royally? What fanfare then? Not a damn thing. Nothing to make me suspect what did lie ahead. Someone somewhere was having a laugh, no? I ought to have at least gotten a message saying "Your hard drive is about to be annihilated, thereby remaining unavailable to you for an indefinite amount of time...Are you sure this is okay with you? (You know, that's like saying "check" in chess when the king is in danger...it's only fair!) Rather than coming on after the damage is done chiding.."I know somethin you-don't-know...your hard drive bit the dust! hahahaha!" Of course it had to leave itself minimally intact so it could torment me with such!
I also think different "error messages" should be available for different personality types...something we can interpret accurately and feel comfy with. Hmmm which approach would appeal to me....
For that male whom everyone knows at least 1 or 2 of:
"You Fn idiot, you Fn pushed the wrong Fn key. Fn go back and do it Fn right"
For Polly Priss:
"Oh my! You've done it again, you silly little flower! What you might try next is..."
For know-it-alls: (English accent)
"You used to be such an intelligent bloke. Don't be such an ass ...wait til I tell the others.."
What I can understand:
"You klutz! Pay attention....and don't make me have to repeat myself or I'll open up your floor and drop you chair and all into the dungeon."
"Okay, this is what I thought you meant...if I was wrong please enlighten me".
Or even more vividly:
"You've gone and done it now...you might just as well call your dad ASAP..."
Also, I think there should be buttons you can click on to inflict cyberpain to your computer without doing any technical damage...just to be able to vent...y'know? The buttons should read like....from the lowest:
"You're just going to feel a little pinch!" to medium :
"You're lucky I didn't smash you to smithereens!" to most severe:
"You'll be sorry Bill Gates was ever born!"
And these buttons should have appropriate sound effects ranging from a slight whimper to earth-shattering screams like unto horror films. Imagine the satisfaction of doing that after it loses the psychology paper you've been working on for the past 2 hours, or an intense chat's been interrrupted. Just stop...punish (I'll show you a fatal error!)... then resume.
And how about those messages saying "Error # 693" making it sound as though you make
thousands of errors on a regular basis...and someone somewhere is keeping track...writing them
down, so you can go have a look when you get time. Hmmm If I get ahold of the little computer
programming nerd, why I'll........
Okay okay....I'm offa that now.
at dufflebag today...I know! I LOVE IT! It's one of my most
favorite of hers. It's also one of those that can take you different places depending on when you
read it or what's going on with you at the time...it's just magical that way....I wish I'd written it.
Oh T, I've always envied you your race track life! I LOVE being at a race track...the adrenalin starts flowing right in the parking lot walking up. I'm not one for sports, but the races are different...and you there all those years...your face flushed, glowing, and gorgeous in the midst of all that noise and the crowd. You down-played whatever it was you did there....paperwork in the office for the drivers and ticket selling? Whatever it was...I wouldn't care if it was just your job to sit there and guard the bathroom door...ha...I wanted to be you! Your husband flagging down by the way...you had a reason to have to be where I'd have loved being. Except my partner at the time only rebuked me with "did you see all the gas being wasted there, and here we are having to get in line and buy $5 worth at a time." Remember that shortage? Anyways, he was always the Jiminy Cricket on my shoulder chastising so I would not indulge in anything too fun. Come to think of it, I never had a boyfriend that wanted to be at the racetrack. Well, there was that one who drove in the demolition derby. But that was spoilt because he was eternally angry that I did not protest sufficiently in front of his friends lest he should get hurt. Instead, I was excited and couldn't wait until the actual day! He never took me again. He almost won, he was 2nd to last left there.
Tonight I'll be working with T...you know...the one that says I should get a life! Instead of watching birds...and why couldn't I just go look at some pictures of birds instead of going clear out there? Last weekend, she came to my house and stopped chattering mid-sentence as her eyes fell on my new bird clock. "WHAT is THAT?" she asked in a most peeved voice.
Why it's my new bird clock I got for Christmas! "
"I suppose it makes noise!"
"Yeah...bird sounds...I love it"
"I suppose it goes off every 15 minutes?" (Rolling her eyes.)
"No, every hour....why would you like to have one of your very OWN" (sarcasm leaking out.)
"NO! You KNOW where that would end up if I had ta listen ta that all day!"
Later that night at work....T teases me about it s'more.
She's the one that laughs at me and calls me Jane Hathoway (birder from beverly hillbillies). She just
doesn't get it. Non-birders never do. I love her anyways. Besides, anybody who knows me KNOWS my birding bones will not be dismayed!
Gotta get ready to go to work with her right now, in fact.
5 P.M....do I look like I'm at work? I think not!
PICTURE THIS! I'm walking up to the building and some girls (co-workers) are sitting on the bench out front so I go over to say hi. One of them quickly asks What's that on your sweater? I look down to find a freshly-washed, staticky pair of silk burgundy panties stuck to my right sweater. Omigod! It snapped when I pulled it off. We all laughed our butts off...as I then found a white sock stuck to the top half of my sweater. Someone said Girl! You better get into the bathroom and peel that stuff off! I'd just snatched these things absentmindedly from the dryer putting them on as I walked around the house gathering up pen/scissors/time card/stick ums/watch....when I happened by my coat I slipped that on too still without looking. Shit! And I wonder why I'm not getting enough work days! ha. My mind was just a buzzin with what to write on the note to my girls, how much money to leave for them...I just can't imagine that I never even looked DOWN! That'll teach me to check in the mirror before I leave the house. All I got to say is thank god I didn't go into the building right off the bat...and thank god I had a coat on and was amongst friends! Anyhow, after I did go inside, having shed any un-necessary laundry...someone asked what I was doing there. Lo and behold the schedule had been rearranged once again! So I was free to go home...which I did...more determined than ever to find a new job. If the management had seen me moments before! Well, lets not go there.....DO I LOOK HAPPY?